Letting go of paper clutter

I decided to let go of all paper clutter today. I am so happy and so light.
It is funny how paper starts collecting in my folders and on my desk. It starts then to take up both physical and mental space.

If  you are struggling with lack of clarity or sluggishness, try decluttering stacks of paper and see how it feels.

If you find it hard to let go, just collect it all and put it out of sight for one week. if you didn't miss it, then you know it is time to let it go. Try it. You will gain so much flow, space and light at the end of this process of letting go.
#decluttering #clarity #simplicity

Forget the Noise - Inspired by Sara Blakely

“Business should not be war.” - Sara Blakely

But some do think that. They want to “beat “the competition. Or “kill it” in business. Or “overcome” the competitors.

All of this war mongering in business is far from what an impactful, inspiring business can be.

Look at one of my all time women entrepreneur inspirations: Sara Blakely.

She focused not on the competition. She focused on solving a real problem women were facing.

She focused not on challenging the status quo. She focused on challenging herself and her business to offer the best value.

It’s with a mindset of value that she and her team built a billion dollar business in a category of one.

Click to see her post on LinkedIn

The outward focus on comparing what others are doing or trying to be better than the other guy is counter productive.

What Sara Blakely inspires us to do is to be better than your past self. Put efforts in turbocharging your best efforts.

I am inspired by her example; not only the successful business she created but also the impactful work she is doing in empowering women.

Plus, she is a conscious creator who listened to Wayne Dyer tapes at 17 to lift herself out of a difficult stage in her life.

Today, I want to encourage you to follow your truth. Be inwardly focused so you can output from your authentic self.

Forget the noise.

Give your dreams and goals primetime in your mental bandwidth.

Your creativity and your business can be a channel for peace, love and personal growth.

Inevitably, this will have a positive impact on the people around you, the environment you are in and the world at large through an unseen domino effect.

Make peace. Let your inner-self speak through your words and your business.

Let me know what you think in the comments of this LinkedIn Post.

What is behind this need to empty?

An enquiry into my soul's wantings

Back in 2011, I had this phase when I started feeling this powerful urge to let go of things and items that belong to me. Personal letters, cards, essays and papers written for school and college and also reducing my vast collection of books. One day, I let go of piles and piles of creative writing assignments from my university studies, with no desire to scan and digitize them. I began with this stack of papers and lay them before me. I wanted to simply “reduce”. At first, I realised that this is a lot of painstaking work that I am simply discarding. To ease the process, I began separating those items that I felt some emotional connection to and made a little collection of them to keep. Very soon, the huge pile of papers was suddenly down to a handful of articles. And the big brown paper bag filled with my essays that I had sorted out for recycling, seemed like a big relief.

Then I went through some of my diaries and other self-awareness notes just from the previous two years. I began letting go of them as well. With some more things left to go through still, I decided to call it a day and went to bed. As I lay in bed, I wondered why I was going through this process of letting go of my belongings?

Photo by Callum Shaw on Unsplash

I realized that in the previous few years, I have intensified the process of recognizing my ego and bit by bit untangling myself from its grip, and making friends with it to serve my higher purpose. The next morning as I woke up, I had an epiphany. I realized that this letting go of my belongings was another way of disentangling myself from things that have become a form of attachment for my ego and a source of identity for myself. So it seems that intuitively, I embarked on this process with the desire to find out: what lies behind all this stuff that I call mine? I wanted to know:

What will I find when I take away all of these things that I own? What remains behind all of this stuff? Who am I without all of these things?

I feel going through this process physically, enabled me to feel a powerful impact. I don’t think I am done with this process yet and still simplifying my belongings. Here are some of things I experienced as a result of decluttering my personal writings and items.

As I let go of things: 

1. I feel light.

2. I feel unburdened with the care and organization of stuff that I do not actively need, use or connect with on a daily basis.

3. I feel free. 

4. I feel greater appreciation and even love for those things I do decide to keep.

5. I feel more spacious.

6. I practice being grateful and thanking my belongings for the service they have offered and letting them go.

7. The flow of energy out, feels good and uplifting. I am making space for all that is wanting to emerge through me and to me.

8. I make room for the flow of gifts of life and the universe.

9. I have more time to do things that fulfill me.

10. I feel more mobile, light and limber. 

Moreover, I felt a general sense of peace and joy filling my being. And I am not yet done. I am eager to go through some more of my things, and some more and some more, until I feel a sense of equilibrium and peace about the whole thing. 

And this has the potential to open up the door for me to come to the realization of the question: What remains behind all the things I own? Who am I? 

Emptiness and Simplicity are the catalysts for inner-peace within me.

The seed of this article was written on November 5th, 2011.

Could it be that you don’t want passive income?

It’s rather this you are looking for.

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine a while back. Both of us were self-employed and could relate to each other’s entrepreneurial journeys.

We wanted to make it happen with our businesses.

But we were struggling.

If you are a solopreneur or have a side hustle, you may be well aware of the struggles. From figuring out what skills the market will pay for, how much to charge for our services, and where to find the next client to how to balance work with rest, not feeling guilty for taking a vacation, how to deal with imposter syndrome and self-doubt, the challenges that we overcome are immense.

That’s why I consider running one’s own business a surefire path to personal and spiritual transformation.

But I digress.

So it was one of those days when my friend and I were lamenting about the up and down cycle of our business (a little bit of venting only, to let off steam). And that’s when she said, “Wouldn’t it be cool to make passive income? To earn income while we sleep or while we are on vacation? I would love passive income so much and not have to worry about all of this right now!!”

On the one hand, she was expressing her true desire for “easy money”. You know, work a little and get paid a lot.

But what she was truly saying was much deeper.

She is a hard worker and does not shy away from taking action. So it’s not like she doesn’t want to do the work. For her the term, “passive income” was a nice symbol of ease and abundance at that moment.

What she was feeling was the frustration of the grind that a self-employed or solopreneur business can be. Creating content, solving problems for clients, finding clients, taking care of the house and family, and on and on.

She wanted ease and flow in her life.

She wanted a break.

She just wanted a breakthrough.

Passive Income is Not Passive

Passive income. It seems so many people are wanting passive income or think that’s what they want. And that is what the marketers cater their marketing towards — the desire people have for money coming in, apparently with little or no work.

First of all, those who have generated “passive income” know that there’s nothing passive about it — unless it’s dividend income coming from your portfolio investments. But even that requires proper planning and careful selection for crafting a winning portfolio; thus requiring an immense understanding of the financial markets and even macroeconomics, which means getting educated and staying informed in that world. Hardly anything about that is passive!

Cristof Ensslin, a financial adviser at Pine Ridge Wealth an investment advisory firm, alerts us: “With investing, it takes, at the least studying the market or if you don’t want to do that, then hiring the right financial adviser and staying in touch with them, to stay on top of things. Done right, investing is highly leveraged but not passive.”

And just read the following quotes that debunk the passive income myth.

The bottom line is that passive income may seem like a free lunch, but there is nothing passive about it. — Melissa Houston, Forbes Dec 17, 2023

Anything capable of producing “passive income” is a full-time job — and the moment you stop caring about it, income stops. — Nicholas Cole, in this article Jan 14, 2021

“The courses, videos and social media content don’t create themselves,” he said. “None of this is passive.” — Luca Alboretti who creates free educational resources for real estate professionals, quoted in a New York Times article written by Lisa Rabasca Roep on Jan 27th, 2023.

Passive Income is a Misnomer

Passive income is a misnomer. It paints an inaccurate picture of what it seems we truly want.

What if what we truly desire is way deeper than that? And solopreneurs, freelancers, content creators, and self-employed folks have in their very fiber everything that demonstrates that depth of desire.

We say we want passive income but we are not afraid of doing hard work.

We say we want passive income but we don’t shy away from showing up, even after countless “failures”.

We say we want passive income but we are full of ideas on how to change things and make things better.

We say we want passive income but we are saying yes to requests from others so we can be of help.

We say we want passive income but we can’t stop thinking about our business even while on vacation if we take one in the first place.

I could go on.

What we want, what we really really want

So, it’s not passive income that we may be looking for, it seems.

Could it be that what we really really want is:

1. the freedom of doing what we love;

2. doing the work when we want it, with whom we want;

3. the satisfaction of having a meaningful impact on people’s lives;

4. the joy of creative expression, of learning, of following our curiosity;

5. the possibility of having no income ceiling;

6. leaving a wealthy financial legacy for our loved ones;

7. and making a difference for the causes close to our hearts?

Or when we say we want passive income, what we simply want is:

an asynchronous way of working where we don’t have to show up at a certain hour we can work whenever we want whether it’s 2 am or 2 pm, in between baby naps; we can go for a lunch break with a friend to take advantage of a sunny afternoon and then be able to work after 9 pm to get the thing done; a truly remote work so we can work from wherever we want; a work environment where goals and objectives are communicated in written or via recorded video; and where meetings and video calls are no longer a must.

On that last point, Sahil Lavingia, the founder of Gumroad has created a no meeting, no deadline, no full-time employees business model and is thriving.

So what is it for me?

Well, what I truly want is the freedom to do the work I love, remotely and asynchronously (no appointments and take breaks when I need or want), be creative and collaborate with those I want to collab with, be my own boss (rapid decision making is a plus), have income/profit ceiling that breaks through the societal gender inequality, have the revenue growth that I desire for my company and wealth for my family while making a difference for our audience and the causes I care about.

And oh, none of it needs to be passive. However, I would love a leveraged business model.

Perhaps, it would be worthwhile to re-evaluate what we mean when we say Passive Income. Is it code for the true desire for work freedom that we want as solopreneurs and content creators? If so, let each one of us decode it for ourselves so that we can create the life we really really want!

Sources:

Houston, Melissa. “There Is Nothing Passive About Passive Income .” Forbes, 17 December 2023, https://www.forbes.com/sites/melissahouston/2023/12/17/there-is-nothing-passive-about-passive-income/?sh=2054bd391a45 Retrieved March 13th, 2024.

Cole, Nicolas. “There Is Nothing Passive About “Passive Income”.” Medium, 14 January 2021, https://nicolascole77.medium.com/there-is-nothing-passive-about-passive-income-79e25032ce30 Retrieved March 13th, 2024.

Roepe, Lisa Rabasca. “What’s Passive Income? It’s Not What Influencers Say It Is.” New York Times, 27 January 2023, https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/27/business/passive-income-job-retirement.html Retrieved March 13th, 2024.

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Content Creation & Overcoming the Pressure For Excellence

Blog #140: Overcoming the Pressure For Excellence

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

Being an expert on a topic is great. And hopefully, you are on the journey to becoming good at whatever it is that you want to do.

But right now, if you don’t consider yourself an expert, let that not stop you from starting. How?

You do that using three specific ways of thinking that I will share in this article.

The Excellence Pressure & The Heavy Mental Cost
There is a real drive for excellence in our culture. Whether it is getting straight A’s, being multi-disciplinary or well-rounded in all subjects, and earning a high income, the emphasis on being really really good is tremendous. It comes from our parents, our friends, from pop culture and media at large. Some of it is also self-created, of course.

Although creating excellence in any field is a worthy aspiration, the pressure when not handled right starts killing our spirits and our creativity and unfortunately, also literally killing us. It can show up in being prone to illness, becoming unhealthy in our food intake, and postponing movement. It shows up in emotional distress and the inability to deal with setbacks we face in life such as heartbreak, job loss, or other types of hardships, and sadly, shows up as countless people of all ages succumb to the pressure that leads to suicide.*

The need to be good, nay, excellent at something even before one has begun is something I have felt every time I write a blog or Medium article. I feel it before I post on Linkedin or begin to create content for YouTube.

These are some thoughts that fly through my mind:

I am not an expert. This exact topic has been written about by people before. And they have written better pieces of work. Plus, they are Stanford or Harvard professors who have written books and taught the subject for decades.

So the conclusion I make is:

Whatever I say or write will be irrelevant, will not be excellent, and cannot be of value as a result. Thus, no one will watch it or read it. I should just give up, curl up in a ball, and go hide under a rock.

Yes, I know. It’s intense!

This is something I have often felt; far too often. I felt it before writing this article.

And I share this because there is a false sense of perfection that we feel the need to present to the outside world. How many times have you put your “game face” on right before a client call on Zoom, having just cried your face off a few minutes before? I have. Plenty of times.

While researching for this article, I came across this article in the New York Times* about the “practice of acting happy and self-assured even when sad or stressed”. The article presents this description of students on college campuses who feel the pressure to put up a positive front even when they are facing hardships:

”In 2003, Duke jolted academe with a report describing how its female students felt pressure to be “effortlessly perfect”: smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful and popular, all without visible effort. At Stanford, it’s called the Duck Syndrome. A duck appears to glide calmly across the water, while beneath the surface it frantically, relentlessly paddles.”

The Duck image says it all.

Translate the above to the pressure of perfection in writing and creating content and you get the point.

To break this chain of thought, I then, have to actively remind myself of a few very healthy, wholesome pieces of advice:

1. “What a terrible conclusion!”

First, “What a terrible conclusion!” This makes me laugh because it’s a line from one of my favorite SNL skits ( see 1.48 seconds into this clip or watch the whole 5 min! The Nuni’s (Natalie Portman) new boyfriend Geoff (Jason Sudeikis) asks whether Gorillas were killed to make the “hair chair” he is sitting on. Then the mom, Nuni (Maya Rudolph) responds, “What a terrible conclusion!” in the most funny way, at least to me. And it makes me laugh each time. My husband and I say this line to each other whenever we have a misunderstanding of some sort and we break into laughter.

This is a scene at our home: One of us says,” The cats look hungry. It seems that no one fed them.” To which one of us replies, ”What a terrible conclusion!” We both break out in laughter.

Okay, I digress.

So I remind myself that because I am not an expert or don’t have degrees or decades committed to the subject, doesn’t make my writing any less valuable. “That’s a terrible conclusion”, I say to myself. By that logic, no one would ever say a word or write a thing until they had already reached excellence. This of course doesn’t mean I don’t work towards excellence. But on the path to it, I can still be making a difference.

2. Make a Contribution to the Conversation

Denise Duffield Thomas of the Lucky Bitch books has a piece of advice that I want to share with you. She says to think about anything you are doing as “making a contribution” to the conversation. She is a money mindset author and coach. When she was starting out, she understood that there were other money experts out there like Suze Orman. But instead of letting that discourage her, she decided to contribute to the conversation of improving our money mindset - sharing her angle, her thoughts, her experiences.

I love that. Because now, with that kind of approach, the pressure is off. You are contributing to the conversation not necessarily having to be the last word on any topic.

3. Be an Enthusiast
Another way to think about it is how Gary Vee puts it: Be an enthusiast.

Create content and in doing so, show your enthusiasm about a topic, you get to learn about yourself and what you are curious about. Share your enthusiasm on the topic and you don’t have to be an expert.

Don’t claim to be an expert. Simply share your enthusiasm!

So whether you remind yourself of “what a terrible conclusion!” you are making when you count yourself out or to contribute to the conversation or be an enthusiast on a topic, remove the pressure on yourself that is stopping you from creating and bringing your gifts to our world.

This is a surefire way to remove the fear of not being perfect in what you are creating. Let there be typos. I have seen typos in best-selling New York Times books that had a team of editors and years of production time. Allow yourself to be human! This advice is for me as much as for anyone reading this article.

All of this will help you to create, innovate, and move forward. It will remove the hurdle of waiting until you are great at something.

Start now.

Do this now.

And the fruit of this process might just be you demonstrating excellence.

Share your experience with this in the comments. I would love to know what goes on your mind when it comes to creating.

PS: For more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Sources:

Robinson Ph.D., Bryan. “Grappling With The Rise Of Work-Related Suicide During The Pandemic: How To Support Yourself And Fellow Coworkers.” Forbes, 5 Sept. 2020, https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrobinson/2020/09/05/grappling-with-the-rise-of-work-related-suicide-during-the-pandemic-how-to-support-yourself-and-fellow-coworkers/?sh=6aa65bf548d2 Retrieved on Feb 6th, 2024

Scelfo, Julie. “Suicide on Campus and the Pressure of Perfection.” The New York Times, 2 Aug. 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress-social-media-and-suicide-on-campus.html Retrieved Feb 6th, 2024

SNL. “The Art Dealers: Their Daughter’s New Boyfriend” YouTube, 1 Feb 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVqagvk7dLw

GaryVee. “A Rant That Will Destroy Your Imposter Syndrome On Social Media” YouTube, 9 Aug 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpVX4jJNu4k

24 Tools I Use To Run My Freelance Web Design Business

Blog #139: 24 Tools I Use To Run My Freelance Web Design Business

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Recently, I reviewed all the tools that I use in my freelance web design business. I like to take an inventory from time to time to see where I can invest in tools that will help me simplify and streamline my business, and remove those that don’t serve me anymore.

In 2024, it turns out I currently use 24 tools to run my business and deliver my design packages. In today's article, I am breaking them into six categories so it’s easier to follow: client acquisition and communication, payments, design, organization and project management, legal, finances, taxes, admin, content production, and social media.

I. Client Acquisition and Communication

1. Zoom: Zoom for consult calls, and client communication during projects as well as webinars and paid workshops.

2. 9Designs/Squarespace Marketplace: This is my main source of client projects. Many new designers hesitate to go on a freelancer platform because of the fees they charge. But if you are not booked out or making the revenue goal you want, getting a profile set up on a platform like Upwork or others and diligently applying to jobs will make a huge difference. Remember it won’t be forever, just to get your foot into the door.

3. Squarespace (Hosting, Domain, Client intake, online presence): This is where I host my website, purchased my domain, and have an online presence. As a Squarespace web designer, this makes sense.

4. ConvertKit: This is my email marketing platform. Mailerlite is my second favorite as it is cheaper and delivers the key features that Convertkit delivers. But the user interface and ease of use of ConvertKit keep me there for now.

5. Google Workspace (for email): This is where I get my business email from.

6. Google Drive (for client content): I use Google Drive to receive all client content including text, images, logos, and links. They also fill out two questionnaires which are hosted on my website.

7. Keynote: I love using Keynote, mostly for presentation slides for my webinars or YouTube videos. I have also used Google Slides, which I may switch to in the future.

8. Pages: I love Pages for creating PDFs - such as my welcome package, finished website PDF, and my Bio/Testimonials PDF that I send to any new client inquiring about a project.

9. WeTransfer: If I am not sending a recording link of my website launch training on Zoom, I may send the entire video recording via WeTransfer.

10. Acuity Scheduling: This is the app that I got legacy pricing on as I was using it when Squarespace first acquired it. So I have all my consult calls on there. Calendly, and Whereby are my other alternatives.

11. Loom (for client communication): During my two-week design project workflow, I will often use Loom for presenting my design draft or asking a question to a client. This allows for more asynchronous communication and avoids lengthy meetings on Zoom.

12. Honeybook: This tool can be it’s own productivity app. But I primarily use it for sending a single email that has both the payment link and the contract in one. This has saved countless hours of back and forth and got me booked faster.

II. Payments

13. Stripe: Stripe is the tool I use for receiving payments for clients who book me directly via my website or if I have digital products or live paid workshops.

14. Paypal: Paypal is the payment processor that I use to get paid for my projects via 99Design. Squarespace integrates with both Stripe and Paypal, so if you create a product or service there, you can offer both options to your clients.

III. Design

15. Canva: Mostly for creating video clips, documents, and some graphics.

16. Picmonkey: I use Picmonkey for image alterations, enhancement and YouTube thumbnails

IV. Organization and Project Management

17. Notion: This is now my entire business operations. I have my goals, workflows, content creation, everything in Notion.

18. Milanote: Milanote is where my headquarters used to be. I have moved most of my things from Mila to Notion but still have some archives there which I would like to eventually move to Notion and have a single online headquarters.

(See also point 6). Google Drive: (Google Docs and folders for client content) Google Drive is mostly for clients to send me their content inside Google Docs and folders.

V. Legal, Finances, Taxes, Admin

19. Turbo Tax: I use Turbo Tax to pay my taxes.

(See also point 6) Google Drive (Finance Spreadsheet): This is where I track my income and expenses. I find it very encouraging to track income and potential income in here.

VI. Content Production and Social Media

20. QuickTime: Quicktime is what I use for recording my screen and also my face for YouTube tutorials.

21. iMovie: This is my editing software. I am keeping things simple with video editing. I may explore other options like Final Cut Pro or hire a video editor when things progress in my content creation branch of my business or for course creation.

22. YouTube: All my long-form videos are published on YouTube. This is part of my leveraged business model.

23. LinkedIn: Also part of my leveraged business model, LinkedIn is where I post short-form content and link it to my website.

24. Medium: Also part of my leveraged business model, Medium is where I post my long-form content and link it to my website.

These are all the paid and free tools I use in my one-to-one web design business. I have also used Upwork in the past for client acquisition and Teachable/Crowdcast for course hosting and webinars but I don’t use these anymore. I may have a section for courses and digital products here later when I grow that part of my business.

There you have it: six categories and 24 tools to grow and build my solopreneur online web design business. Post below in the comments any apps that are critical to your business or alternatives you think I should consider to those I am currently using.

PS: For more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Cop-out or Commitment to 10X

Blog #138: Cop-out or Commitment to 10X

Photo by Rohan Reddy on Unsplash

What feels like a commitment to you, may look like a cop-out to others.

That’s what happened recently when I called off a new project even before it began.

The project was a new YouTube interview series where I would chat with web designers, freelancers, and content creators. The aim: to help freelancers build and grow their solopreneur business online.

It was exciting. Four people booked to be guests. But as it got closer to getting things organized, I felt this increasing unease. After a day of feeling a knot in my stomach, I called it off.

From the outside, this looks like a cop-out. I seem unreliable and flip-floppy in my decisions. But on the inside, this took courage. Courage not only to write that message to my guests but courage to stay committed to my Unique Ability.

I was committing to my Unique Ability.

What is “Unique Ability”?

At the start of this year, I learned deeply about this idea in the book, 10X is Easier than 2x by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. They write that your Unique Ability is “where you have superior skills, where you’re intrinsically motivated and are energized and engaged, and it’s where you see a never-ending possibility for improvement.” It’s about becoming familiar and really clear about what you like and dislike and that your judgments about your experience are completely valid. It’s becoming open to your preferences and not letting other people’s opinions about what you do affect you.

”Unique Ability is qualitative and individual, it’s extremely unique value that only you can create…It’s a combination of a degree of skill as well as an extreme degree of uniqueness.” - Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy

It’s akin to what I have heard Oprah Winfrey in her talks and speeches mention repeatedly when she said, “I want to fulfill the highest, truest expression of myself as a human being.”

But as the authors write in the book, committing to one’s Unique Ability is the “hardest and most intense thing you will ever do.” It’s about taking inventory of where you are investing your time and what activities are taking up your mental bandwidth.

That takes courage. Saying no to invitations is hard. Choosing to work a 4-day week is not easy. Filling up your calendar with the most important items will lead to very little time remaining for anything else. And canceling projects you asked your guests to join, not just once, but twice, does feel awkward.

“I want to fulfill the highest, truest expression of myself as a human being.”

— Oprah

Facing One’s Ego

Sometimes you’ve got to face your past decisions. The first time I canceled the YouTube interview series was because I had already a very full schedule and I was trying to squeeze-in one more thing into my calendar. I could see that I was moving toward burnout very fast this way. So I dropped the project.

The second time I canceled the project was out of a renewed sense of self-awareness.

"As you develop your Unique Ability...You'll stop forcing yourself to do anything you don't want to do. You'll accept and live by what psychologists call pull motivation, rather than push motivation. When you're pulled by what you want and what excites you, that's freedom and intrinsic motivation. You'll no longer operate based on need, but want." - Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy

After taking time to reflect on my goals, I realized that starting the interview series was based on a need, not a true desire or want. I was giving in to this idea that creating a YouTube interview series is something I "should" do because I heard or read somewhere that this is a great way to build an audience and grow my business. Although I was excited about meeting the guests and asking them questions, the whole logistics of conducting the series, editing, and putting it all together was something that had begun to drain me. Sure, I can outsource all of that but the project as a whole was making me feel out of my element. I started to get this feeling that I should dye my hair, buy new makeup, and change who I essentially am so I can be “good enough” to host the show!

Changing myself to be “good enough”! Phew! These are all signs that I was embarking on this project because of some idea that was not inherently mine. It was not an authentic desire driving me forward. It came from a feeling that I “should do” this. And that is not healthy or wholesome.

Questions You Can Ask Yourself When Making Decisions

If you are faced with a decision and don’t quite know which path to take, ask yourself these questions. Then assess if a project or a decision is something you want to embark on and if it’s helping you towards your 10x goals.

1. Is this in alignment with my Unique Ability?

2. Is this something that is fun, enjoyable, or inspiring?

3. Will this project help me explore the edge of my 20%?

Letting Go is Part of Embracing The 20%

One of the ideas in the book is about letting go of the 80% to focus on the 20%. This 20% is the edge where you take what you are really good at and get even better. It’s connected to going 10x which is an ongoing process of increasing the quality and decreasing the quantity of what you do. The 20% of everything you do is where the magic lies, allowing you to focus on the 10x goals, and that requires you to focus on fewer things than many.

Letting go more and more of the 80% that takes up your time is essential if you want to go 10x. This doesn’t necessarily mean eliminating it altogether, of course; it can mean delegating to a new hire or automating the tasks. But it is also about letting go of that which is not serving your 10x goals.

Committing to Your Unique Ability

As I read the chapter on Unique Ability in the book, I realized that if I am not enjoying the things I am doing in my business, then I shouldn’t be doing them. Either eliminate or delegate. As soon as I made the decision to call off the interview series, a knot in my stomach seemingly released. I felt at ease. I felt free.

Diving deeper into what inspires me, I realize that what I truly want to do is write and share ideas, insights, and strategies that can help online entrepreneurs and freelancers succeed. It’s not making YouTube interview videos unless I can tap into it from a true desire that brings joy and excitement and I am open to that happening at a later time.

Letting go of something you’ve started is okay. Even if it seems to others as wishy-washy behavior. You are allowed to re-commit to your most important priorities, to your 10x goals, to your Unique Ability. What others think of how you commit your time is none of your business!

I am committing to my Unique Ability.

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PS: If you are on LinkedIn, I invite you to ​connect with me​ there for more conversations and connections. If you want more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

I don’t Own A Toaster

Blog #137: I don’t own a toaster.

I don't own a toaster.

I don't own it because I like my kitchen counter free of appliances. In fact, I like my kitchen counter with nothing on it - wide, empty, and clear like watching the ocean from the shore!

I make my toast in the oven.

When people come to my home and I make them breakfast, I use my oven to make them toast. They comment, "Wow, you don't own even $10 toaster?"

And I smile with peace. I have the $10 to buy a toaster but I choose not to.

These are the kinds of choices my hubby and I make on the regular. They don't fit the norm but they fit our sense of a "rich life" to borrow Ramit Sethi's phrase.

From time to time, I find myself making decisions based on other people's expectations or the unspoken rules of society and I have to remind myself to find my authentic preference. It's not easy. But I practice with small things like the toaster!

What choices could you make in your life that are truly motivated by your personal preference, point of view, and values out of inner alignment? What ideas, practices, and values can you let go of that don't bring forth your truest, most authentic self?

I'll leave you with this quote which has inspired me today:

“Wealth has little to do with how much you earn and a lot to do with how you live. One of the simplest ways to grow wealthier is pushing to detach yourself from peer pressure and care less about what people think of how you live.”

— MORGAN HOUSEL

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PS: If you are on LinkedIn, I invite you to ​connect with me​ there for more conversations and connections. If you want more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Don’t move the goal post. The art of being content.

Photo by Mariana Medvedeva on Unsplash

Blog #135: Don’t move the goal post. The art of being content.

Don’t move the goalpost. … for you to be content.

Being content is an art. We weren’t all born with it.

But we can all cultivate this art of contentment.

Recently, I was watching a YouTube video in which Gary Vee is being asked questions by the event participants. One by one they ask their questions until a boy steps up to the mic and asks, “What do I do if I don’t know what I want to do in life?” Gary asked him how old he is and he replied “I am 14 years old”.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Who has not been asked this as a child! Every time this question is asked, a child is zapped out of the present moment and transported into a future that doesn’t exist.

It makes them realize there is something else than being a child at this moment, something to work towards, something other than “now”.

Do you remember that moment for you?

I remember. I was maybe 10 or 11 and visiting my grandmother’s place. A neighbor was passing by and started to have small talk with me. And then she asked me the question, “So, Sophia, what do you want to do when you grow up?” I had not thought about this question before but I felt the pressure to give a “smart” answer. I blurted out, “Hmm, I want to be an environmental engineer.”

This story took place in the 1980s in Mumbai where, like elsewhere in the world, there’s a huge pressure for kids to do good in school and “make their parents proud”. So I said the smartest sounding thing I could think of, not even knowing what an environmental engineer does. She said, “Good, good. I knew you would want to become an engineer or a doctor.”

I never wanted to be an engineer or a doctor. And I had no intentions of becoming either even though I didn’t know what I wanted to major in college. Even when I had a major selected, I was not sure if that was the thing I wanted to do. All the way right into my early 40s I have from time to time asked myself, “Is this what I am meant to do with my life?” And each time I was not satisfied with my current output or contribution to the world.

There were days when people just did the job that their fathers did. A shopkeeper’s son would become a shopkeeper. A school teacher’s daughter would become a school teacher or a professor. And so on.

But in today’s times, changing your career path once or even multiple times is not that unusual. In fact, according to a statistic by the US Department of Labor, the average American changes careers 5-7 times during their working life. (Source: https://novoresume.com/career-blog/career-change-statistics).

I can attest to that statistic in my own path. My first job when I was a high schooler was restocking bookshelves at the local public library and then several small jobs to help during college. After I graduated from college, I worked at the ticket counter at the Natural History Museum in NYC. My first full-time job was as a tour guide at the United Nations headquarters in NY where I worked for 4 and a half years. Then again did some smaller jobs during graduate school. After I graduated, not having found a job in either of my degrees, I started a small business designing photo books. Then, I taught visualization and meditation. After that, I did freelance email marketing consulting for solopreneurs. Then I became a self-taught web designer and started my web design business. And now I am again discovering what my next phase will be all about.

Talk about career changes!

So to think that a 14-year-old should now know what he will be doing for the rest of his life is, to me, pretty insane.

Okay, of course, some were born knowing that they wanted to be a cellist already while in their mother’s womb. Or they know they want to be an athlete. Or they know singing is the only thing they want to do. If you are one of those, fine, this article may not reflect you but it will inform you about the rest of us mortals and our career struggles!

Being a child as a child

Gary Vee in his answer reminded the 14-year-old that with the progress in technology, he might live to about 150 years. And that almost everyone in this room would have wanted in their childhood to have played more, hung out some more, did more of the “childhood” things.

We look back and can see that our time as a child was precious. He then asks the kid to follow his curiosity. See what sparks his interest. What makes him jump up with joy? And he reminds him to try different things before making up his mind. To make a point, he asked his audience, “Who in the audience doesn’t like oysters?” Some hands go up. He then asks, “Of those who raised their hands, how many have not tried oysters?” Some of the hands stayed up. Gary reminded the kid to try things out before making a decision or ruling it out.

As I watched this exchange between Gary and the kid, I felt like this message was for me and a lot of us out there who are wondering about our life path.

Ambition, aspiration, goals - these are wonderful things that keep us moving forward.

And then there are times when those same ambitions, aspirations, and goals keep us stuck, suck the life force out of us, and leave us questioning and doubting ourselves; asking what we are meant to do with our lives.

So that’s the dilemma. We have aspirations and ambitions. Then we have curiosity and finding meaning or leaving a legacy. And then we have contentment. How do we navigate all of that?

I have a couple of suggestions on how to make sense of this. And I want to share two key aspects that tie all of it together.

#1. We need to let our curiosity and delight guide us.

What if you allowed yourself to try new ideas that you were curious about? Things that don’t make sense for your career progression or professional growth but simply interest you. Perhaps, something that sparks joy for the inner child within you. What if you were to take some time and go do that? To see what happens.

#2. We need to learn to be more content with our lives.
Being content doesn’t necessarily mean not having aspirations or goals or being complacent. It means being satisfied and humble about our progress so far. It means looking back and seeing how far we have come.

For instance, if my aim is to lose 15 pounds, and I check to see that I have lost 2 pounds since I started the path of becoming healthy, then I am celebrating and being happy about the progress made so far, instead of bemoaning how far I am from my ideal of losing 15 lbs.

This way of thinking is a new thinking habit. We have to wean ourselves out of the constant future-goal seeking. Yes, the future goal can be motivating and can inspire us to make changes and to take action. But it should not demolish our well-being because we realize we are so far away from achieving the ideal. Every small step is a win. Drop by drop the whole ocean is filled up.

So combining these two ingredients of curiosity and contentment, we can chart our path. Being present to the good that is already here. Being curious about where our next evolution is emerging. Allowing and receiving, observing and growing, creating and sharing.

So, how does one cultivate the art of contentment?

What I have found is that I would set a goal in my life or business. Then, work diligently to achieve it. Once I got there, I was happy for a moment. And then I set up the next goal. This cycle is exhausting, never ending and only brings a fleeting sense of joy or pleasure. Winning feels good. But it’s tiring to always be chasing that goal. And then once the goal is arrived at, I would move the goal further. Phew, I am out of breath just thinking about this.

Don’t move the goalpost and think that’s where your next source of contentment lies. That would be a lie.

This is certainly the case with earning more income. Princeton University researchers have put data behind this statement, “Money can keep buying happiness for already happy people, but among the most unhappy, the money helps stave off unhappiness only to a point.” (Source: https://behavioralpolicy.princeton.edu/news/DK_wellbeing0323) In other words, moving the income goal post higher will only solve some of the unhappiness, and then after reaching a point, its happiness-benefit declines.

I am not saying you shouldn’t aspire to earn more. No, please go ahead, and earn millions. We need more of you to become high net worth individuals and create wealth; generational wealth for our families.

Move your goalpost to get to the next level. But not to feed your contentment.

And if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. That’s okay. Follow your curiosity. Be patient. And try different things. Maybe the trying of different things is where your source of contentment resides.

How do we get out of this cycle that gets us out of breath, out of soul, and out of alignment with who we are?

Decouple contentment from aspiration.

We need to decouple our contentment from our goals and aspirations. We need to recognize what the purpose of goals is and we need to identify what the source of our contentment is. Again, that doesn’t mean letting go of the goals and aspirations. Not at all. Let me explain what I mean.

The goals and aspirations that you have about your life, business or relationships are for one purpose - helping you to determine your actions and your habits. It helps you define what you want to do to experience the fruition of your goals. So if my goal is to lose 15 lbs., this goal determines the key actions and habits that I need to develop: eating healthy and moderately, doing some walking, strength training, or cardio every day. The goals help me craft my plan of action.

However, the goals or the reaching of the goals is not where I get my contentment. Your goals are not there to feed your sense of contentment.

Your source of contentment can come from a combination of things: Gratitude is a great starting point. But if gratitude is cursory, superficial, or forced, then it will not lead you to your contentment. Add these other elements to your contentment recipe, while deepening gratitude:

1. Self-appreciation: appreciating yourself for every action step you take towards your goals.

   So taking the same example of weight loss, I appreciate myself when I do eat moderately or do go and get my 20 minutes of strength training done.

2. Humility: acknowledging that the goal is important and aspirational but you’ve already taken baby steps and are doing the best you can. This includes being patient with yourself as you make progress. Being aware that you are doing your best and have already made efforts and progress despite challenges and setbacks.

3. Enjoying the process: actually enjoying the path towards the goals.

   In my case, enjoying the movement and the experience of the machines when I do strength training. Actually enjoying what I am doing right now, right here.

4. Contextualizing Setbacks: We often look at setbacks on our path as a way of determining that we are not good enough in the thing we want to achieve. But by looking at setbacks as a status report, we can relieve the pressure and the gnawing mental pain and suffering that losing or having a setback can cause us.
   
   So if the goal is not being achieved or you’ve experienced a setback of any sort, assess it, and study it to find the meaning or the lesson within it. The setback is not to be used to define you as a “loser”. But it’s here to guide you to the changes you need to make. This is how you can turn a setback into a winning ingredient and a deepening of your self-recognition as someone who keeps going and perseveres.

5. Assessing from the past, how far you’ve come: Deriving your joy and contentment by looking back and seeing the progress made so far. I can celebrate my efforts and the progress that I have made since I began this journey. It helps me to stop comparing my present results with a future ideal. But look at the past and see how much change I have made. And this looking back is not connected with the results. I may have gained 2 pounds since I started, but I notice the changes I have made, the challenges I have overcome, and the lessons/insights I have gained. This is not about tracking results. It’s about looking at inner transformation and change within.

So we use goals to chart our course forward.
We unlink our contentment from the results.
Not postponing our joy to the future point when we think we will arrive at our goal.
We get clear about our true source of contentment.
Recognizing the joys of the process right now, enjoying the thrill of doing the work now, and experiencing the benefits of your progress now not later.

It’s a practice.
Make the click in your mind of where your true source of contentment comes from.
And then you can still pursue your goals but you experience contentment already now long before the goal materializes as your experience.



PS: If you are on LinkedIn, I invite you to ​connect with me​ there for more conversations and connections. If you want more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Space between Sense Perceptions and Response

Short Talk + Guided Loving Kindness Meditation

Are we ill-equipped to deal with life?

Written by Sophia / Abundance Through Imagination
I help you create abundance in your life using the law of assumption and Neville Goddard teachings.
About | Contact | YouTube | Free Masterclass

Often I’ve wondered about this while pondering about our world.

Why are so many people suffering? Why are they experiencing all kinds of misery? Why does life bring us into this world of suffering, at all?

This line of thinking inevitably leads to feelings of sadness for the state of the world. And thus, I too, slip into a form of suffering - a suffering that comes from seeing others in pain and misery.

Then, I saw an interview of Jenifer Lopez by Oprah as part of Oprah’s 2020 Vision Tour Visionaries. In this interview, J Lo was describing how she feels that life is just beginning at 50 while Oprah accentuates the point that life doesn’t even begin to get good until we are in the 40’s and 50’s.

I get the good intention of that statement - it’s about reminding us that things are still good and will get better when we turn 40 or 50.

But why do people have to go through years and years of being lost and struggling till they get to the “good part”. Why “waste” 40 or 50 years before we get to realizations and insights and begin to enjoy life? (Nothing is a waste, I am using that word to exaggerate the point only!)

So while all this pondering and wondering was going on, I listened to a lecture by Neville Goddard. In it, he was talking about our human capability to imagine. He said that we don’t ever have to create our imagination; it’s always with us. We may not be good at using imagination. We may not yet have mastered the art of imagination. But we don’t have to invent it. It’s already something we know how to do.

That’s when it clicked:

We are already birthed into this world with all that we need. We are already given the tools to navigate this life.

I used to wonder why we are so ill-equipped to deal with this life. It seems like everyone is going through some version of emotional, physical or mental hurdles. But I realized that it’s not that we are ill-equipped; we are unaware of all that which we are equipped with. In fact, not only are we well-equipped to deal with this life, we have the best tools already within us.

If you know the movie, The Matrix - there’s a scene where Neo, the protagonist needs to fly a helicopter but doesn’t know how. He calls up control room and asks for the helicopter flying program to be uploaded to his mind. Then instantly he knows how to fly the helicopter!

I think that’s how it is for us. We already have the program we need. We just didn’t know.

The two tools that we are equipped with:
1. Awareness
2. Our Creative Imagination

We just need to use our creative imagination and we need to begin applying our awareness to life.

We have it all!

Peace,
Sophia

126: On a personal note - Celebrating my mom

I don't usually share my personal life on social media, blog or here on the newsletter but today I am sharing on a personal note (Squarespace Web Design content will be back in my next email).
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The first half of September has been relaxed and easy going for me - by choice. I closed down the "tap" on 99Designs/Squarespace Marketplace to be able to spend some time with my mom who has been visiting from New Jersey. (Tap is my word of endearment for the client flow that comes from my profile on the 99D/SqMkpt platform). I did create a website in a day (sharing that in my next blog) and also cared for my Millionaire Web Designer coaching student. But overall it was mostly about being with Mom.
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My mom, Hema, has been an important influence on my life. Not just as a caring mother who instructed me to always sit on the front seat in my classroom growing up back in Mumbai. Not just as a nurturer who helped me excel in school (helping me to consistently rank 2nd in class from 1st grade through 9th grade). But also as someone who without batting an eye included my German husband into the family while so many Indian American mom's are hellbent that their kids marry other Indians - or more specifically those from their own language, region and religion. As soon as I mentioned to my mom that I would be marrying Cristof (see photo below) who is from Stuttgart, she made wedding preps with love and acceptance in her heart (same for my dad too, by the way, who embraced Cristof as his son immediately upon being introduced!).
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My mom is also the one who patiently encouraged me back in 2015 to look into Odesk (now Upwork) for freelance work when I was stumbling with my mediation workshop business. She also had never judged me for not working in the field of film after receiving my very prestigious NYU BFA in Film and then not implementing after receiving my master's degree in International Relations in Germany. Instead, going on to start a photobook design business!
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Thankfully, I took her advice and created a profile on Odesk which eventually became the place where I started getting hired for ConvertKit account setups along with Mailchimp email marketing and other such projects. I am now running a web design business that's bringing in $10K average months, allowing me to live in a beautiful natural reserve (in the Appalachian mountains dozens of miles away from a major city), work from home and have a positive impact on those whom I serve.
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I am grateful to my mom for all of that and much more. But most of all, I am grateful to her for the 20 years of waking up 3 in the morning to go do hard physical labor at a warehouse in New Jersey as a new immigrant from India so that we, the family, could survive and so that I could get a scholarship from her worker's union to go to NYU (+ lots of student loans!) and medical insurance for my Dad's heart which would have been totally unaffordable otherwise. And she did all of that with love in her heart and no expectations.
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And now as she enjoys her retired life, I only want to shower her with love and appreciation and make her life as comfortable as I can.

Thank you Mom for all that you have done for us and all that you are. I am so happy she was with me for two weeks this September.

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Trivia: My mom loves to draw and make illustrations. Plus she loves to create amazing dishes from around the world and of course, most delicious Indian foods from Dosa and Uttapam from the South to vegetable Biryani from the North of India.

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Your Turn:

Who are the people who have supported you on your entrepreneurial journey? Let me know in the comments.

Cheers to you and your abundant creativity,
🦄🦄🦄 Sophia

116: Becoming Like A Tree - How I am working through my content creation block

I feel like I have been censoring myself. Recently, when I got inspired to write a blog post or make video, I told myself that I already talk about it in my coaching program, so why post about it. When I got an idea on how web designers can raise their pricing, the thought arose, “I teach that within my coaching program”. Or when I came up with a perspective to share on how to handle the workflow of a design project, again my mind said, “Don’t you share that in-depth in the coaching program curriculum? Why give it away for free?”.

My Program Is Substantial. But That Shouldn’t Be A Reason Why I Don’t Blog On Those Same Topics

Yes, it’s true that I have laid out everything inside my group coaching program which is an exclusive program I created to help web designers build a thriving business - not just a six figure business but grow to a Million $ Net Worth. I share everything I know, share my emails, my processes, my strategies, and my game-plans. I show actual screenshots from within my business. It’s my way to pass on everything to other designers. It’s a fantastic program, my best work - if I may say so myself.

Because I have all my gems inside this program, when it comes to creating new blog and video content, I’ve censored myself. And this is exactly what I want to work through and break free from because I have been feeling suffocated. As if I can only talk about certain things and not others and my mind was not free to share and explore with my audience new ideas and perspectives.

My Wise Husband Speaks

So I asked my very wise husband for some guidance. Cristof, who is also the finance coach inside the program and an overall genius when it comes to finance, business and online marketing, shared an exercise with me. And I want to share it with you, in case, you too have some kind of a content creation block, or some kind of a block in your business.

He said, “Journal a response to this question, “Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?” and then do this for a month every day.”

Why Is It Worth Doing …?

There are two key things to note about this exercise:
1. The question is very purposefully presented in a positive action oriented format. The question asks why is it worth blogging freely, instead of why is it worth letting go of this block. Both ways of posing this question will work for different people in different moods. For me, the former is easier to grasp because “blogging freely” is an action I can do, “letting go” is an action that feels abstract and intangible.

2. Cristof asked me to do this exercise every day. It can be a quick one minute journaling. And it’s okay if I come up with the same answers as the previous day. The key here is repetition. Clearly, this block is a result of some way of thinking, a belief that is deep in my subconscious. And just one time writing it may not be very effective (it can be sometimes, of course). We often need repetition for things to settle into the trenches of our brain and to replace old subconscious beliefs! So writing this out every day for a month will help me highlight the positive reasons and benefits of blogging freely and break free of the block.

So phrase the question in a way that it is tangible and action-oriented (blogging freely, in this case) and journal every day for a month.

Answers That Came Up For Me

I want to share some of the realizations of this simple exercise that are helping me breakthrough my content creation block:

Why is it worth blogging freely about what I know?

Because Nathan Barry (founder of ConvertKit) said to me, “Teach Everything You Know”. (He actually wrote this when he signed his book at his Craft & Commerce conference some years ago).
Because I have benefitted from others sharing freely.
Because I want to have a positive domino effect in the world.
Because knowledge is power only when it is shared and not when it goes to the grave with the knowledge-holder.
Because I can save years and years of time for a fellow web designer and that time saved is priceless for us as humanity.
Because I can help another designer be independent and stand on their feet and not have to kill their dreams before they had a chance to sprout and bloom fully.
Because I can show other designers how to earn $5-$10K monthly with web design services with ease and this kind of revenue can mean a world of difference for most web designers.
Because I believe that if an action can help even just 1 person in a small way, then it is an action worth taking.
Because there is no guarantee that I will have another day to share my experience meaningfully (because tomorrow is not guaranteed to any one of us.)
Because there are many avenues through which abundance finds its way to me, and the coaching program is just one of them.
Because sharing is what trees do; they share all that they have and in doing so they prosper naturally.
Because I am a creative being and restrictions on what I blog about is like putting a candle inside a vacuum.

Becoming like a Tree

The two key take aways from this exercise. One is that I must become like the tree. Trees share all they have. For example, they share their fruits which are eaten by birds who then pass those seeds in some other area and in this way new trees grow. That’s how they prosper. They let down hundreds and hundreds of acorns which the squirrels put away for their use but only use 20% of what they “plant" away! That’s wisdom! Share freely and simply in doing so we prosper and thrive. I just love trees!

Abundance Has Multiple Avenues

The other key realization for me is to remember that abundance has multiple channels to find me. I have been narrow-minded in thinking that just one program will be the main source of growing my business. But abundance has found so many different avenues to come into my life already and I know that there’s more than one channel that it uses to get to us. The ocean has rivers flowing into it from all directions. And as self-employed web designers, we are like the ocean; not dependent on any single source for our income. It is freeing to think this way and to remember the vast and infinite possibilities that exist.

Now, It’s Your Turn

So my dear, web designer, if you find yourself in a situation where something feels suffocated, or you are inadvertently stifling your creativity or sense of ease and peace, journal to receive some breakthroughs. Ask yourself a positive action-oriented question starting with, “Why is it worth doing …xyz?” And see what comes up as insights and inspirations. Share in the comments for us all, if you feel inspired!

Cheers to you and your abundant creativity,
🦄🦄🦄 Sophia

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One needs an abundant mindset for creating content!

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112: What I need to feel successful

One month of 2022 has come to an end. January, goodbye. Hello, February!

Financially, this was again a record month. I got to build Websites In A Day and serve clients with a variety of website related needs. I am grateful.

As I step into the next month, I remind myself of what’s important in my life and business. At the moment, I run my web design business and although I have some leveraged products and offers, majority of my revenue does come from one to one services. That means I am exchanging my time for dollars. And even though I enjoy my work designing websites and solving website related problems, I know that at a certain point, I will need to find other ways to grow my business so I have a greater sense of time and ease.

What I need to feel successful?

So I am asking myself, what do I need to feel successful? Is it x amount of money in the bank? Is it x amount of time during the day, week and the year? Is it praise and appreciation from my clients and students of my programs?

I think what it comes down to is this: I want to feel financially free.

I want to feel and be financially free. I want to know that if I want to read all morning sitting in my hammock, I can do that. Or if I wanted to make videos all day of streams and waterfalls or of birds and the sky then that would be fine.

I am clearly not there yet. I am working on creating a life where I can experience that level of freedom. I am not interested in fancy cars or precious jewelry or big mansions. I don’t yearn to be famous or be celebrated. What I want is to simply have the choice to sit in my hammock and read an inspiring book all morning. Or take my video camera on a hike and watch droplets fly into the air as the sunlight hits them creating a rainbow of glistening colors. These videos would help people feel a moment of peace in their lives, a quick escape to nature even when they live in concrete city jungles. And I want to do all that knowing that my family of husband and cats will be provided for and I can support animal shelters that take care of all the animals in our area. And then I can also design websites or do coaching calls from time to time.

So in essence it is not so much the money but the freedom of choice and freedom of how I use my time that the money can offer that I am wanting to create for myself.

I believe & I know that this is possible!

I know that this dream is possible as many others have done it. That level of financial freedom is what will make me feel successful. Until I get there, I will make my plans and strategize my way so I can become financially free and help others do the same. And in the meantime, I am grateful for all that I do have and all that I get to create through my web design business. That’s a true blessing.

It feels vulnerable to write this all out in a public post. I’d love to know in the comments what would make you feel successful right now.

Peace,

Sophia

096: The Poison of Comparison

As web design business owners who want to grow our businesses, we are often on the look out to learn from others. We see successful designers or online entrepreneurs and get inspired. But sometimes, our mind goes into thinking we are not good enough thoughts. Here’s my experience with this tendency and how I help myself get back on the right track.

It happens much less often to me than before but it does pop-up from time to time in my mind. Thoughts that say:

”I am not there yet.”
”I am not good enough.”
”She can do it, then, why can’t I?”

Let’s talk about the last one because it can throw you off when you least expect it. It happens like this: You are working on client projects. You are working on your acquisition goals, creating the content and then some how you land on a post or and email or a piece of content created by one of the entrepreneurs you look up to. Someone whom you admire for what they have built and how they show up in the world.

At first, there may be a sense of amazement and wonder. But out of nowhere you may start thinking, “Ah, man, how come this is not happening in my business. How come I am not there yet! How is it that she can do it and not me? What’s wrong with me? I am not good enough. I am still not there where I want to be!!”

The Poison of Comparison
Let me give you an example. I recently saw something written by someone I am a huge fan of. This entrepreneur has really helped me through her videos, blogs, courses, and her books on up-leveling my business. I am totally inspired by her and uplifted by her. And have been for several years. She has built multi-million dollar business while having a busy life and raising a family and that’s just been awe-inspiring for me.

So, in one of these posts she wrote about the importance of creating content and how she has not missed writing and sending out a weekly newsletter for the last 12 years or so.

When I read that, I was first amazed. “Ah, that type of consistency is remarkable”, I thought. Then, I began feeling this sense of lack. I know that I have created lots of youtube videos, spending hours and hours on creating and editing them. This blog itself is no. 96. But I definitely have not been able to publish on a weekly rhythm for years on end. And this awareness of not having been able to produce such regular content started to gnaw at me, to bother me.

But this type of thing has happened before and I caught myself this time.

And if I don’t catch it in time, these thoughts can spiral downward and can lead to a full-blown pity-party mired in self-doubt and feeling a sense of overbearing burden and struggle.

I don’t hear many web designers talk about this. This is not in our content feed - at least, not in mine. But I feel it is so important to talk about this. Because these types of mindset obstacles set us back more than any gaps in skills or knowledge around web design and marketing.

It’s this mental virus of comparison that often poisons our progress to greatness.

Rebuttal like a Lawyer
So what to do about it?

1. The first thing to do is to simply become aware of the type of thought that’s emerging and the feeling that you are getting in your body. I often feel a heaviness in my chest and a tension in my shoulders. And breathe into it. It’s important to not fight that feeling but step into awareness and acceptance: “Ah, okay, this is not feeling very good. I am having this type of thought right now”.

2. Then, you have to put on a lawyer hat. Lawyers present evidence and they make a case for why they support a certain statement. When you have these thoughts of “I am not good enough” or “why have I not done like so and so”, you must bring out the rebuttals. You present statement to your mind that support the contrary.

For example, you can begin by saying, “I am good enough. Look all the _________ you have created or done (insert success evidence)”.
Then bring up a very true statement such as, “You cannot compare your success trajectory with someone else’s. There are so many different factors involved. And we are each on our path.” Being Buddhist, I also remind myself of Karmic patterns and that often soothes me.

So we need to offer rebuttals to our selves on why we cannot be comparing ourself with another. And also present all the good things we have done and accomplished despite challenges and roadblocks. “Look at what you have done even though you faced ________ (insert past struggles challenges, and roadblocks).

There are other ways to go about it but the important thing is to remember that we need to help ourselves and lift ourselves from thought patterns that are not helpful. And we need to that actively. Catch yourself when you find thoughts of comparison showing up - even if in a small way. We can begin to train our mind on the small occurrences - which is easier to do than when it’s full-blown pity-party!

This is a message for any web design business owner who is driven to create success in her business. This mental roadblock may emerge on your path in different forms and it’s important to address it now with love and kindness.

Well, I hope you found this helpful. Thank you for reading and I wish you a peaceful and harmonious day.

To your success,

Sophia

Why rearrange your priorities?

Banner Photo by Nikolay Zakharov on Unsplash

Why Rearrange Your Priorities?

“Insight into death rearranges your priorities.”
- Ajahn Brahm, British Monk living in Bodhinyana Monastery in Australia

During these days where the world seems to be grasped by the events surrounding COVID-19, the above quote from Ajahn Brahm makes a strong point. It’s not just death but the ongoing uncertainty and the realization of how things are impermanent that makes us reassess our priorities.

It’s not that this situation is unique to the spread of the virus. In fact, it was always like this. There was always uncertainty. There was always impermanence. There has always been death around us. But the current situation has simply underscored and highlighted these realities more than before. In fact, it has also brought into focus the stupidity and ignorance of us human beings, it has brought to the fore our own suppressed emotions which may have been residing in the deep recesses of our minds and hearts. Whatever was in the background, quietly hidden behind our blurred vision of our world and ourselves, has come starkly into view and has taken up residence front and center in our awareness.

So, what is it that we need to do?

Process Emotions
When feelings are arising in you, take that as a welcome opportunity to clean out old residue of unprocessed emotion. All that is required is: to acknowledge the emotion, notice it, and become aware of it. The task at hand may be simple but not easy. The emotion will slowly dissolve when you fully give it your attention and care. Not wanting it to go away, just allowing it to be and allowing it to fade way. Just like clouds arising in the blue sky. You watch them appear and slowly they disappear. The biggest hurdle you will create is to want to stop the emotion or want it to go away - in other words, resisting it instead of being present with it.

Process Things
As you stay at home more than normal due to the lock-downs or due to self-quarantine, you will be faced with your stuff even more. By stuff I mean things, objects, papers, furniture, decor, bedding, household items, books, jewelry, electronics, shoes and so on. This is a golden opportunity to let go of anything that has not served you well or has served you and is ready to move on. Things that you didn’t even notice before, now suddenly stand out because you are home more and see it more. Use this chance to assess what needs to go. Things hold energy and as you release them, you open up energetic channels within your body, within your home and even within your bank account to receive what is truly nourishing and uplifting for you. I remind myself this concept with a bookshelf metaphor: Let’s say I have a bookshelf filled to the brim with 50 books. But I want a 51st book that will truly serve me right now. I cannot put it on the bookshelf unless I make room for it and let go a book that has already served me. It is time to let go in order to make room for the new. A really good resource for decluttering things is this blog: Be More With Less

Process Time
By process time, I mean assessing what are the things that take up your time. Even without the virus amongst us, we are aware that we only have so much time on this earth. Sooner or later, our time shall come to shed this body and move on to a new life. So what are we doing with this life, with the time on our hands. Are we wasting it away on mindless social media? Are we spending it carelessly on that which is not wholesome and nourishing? We all do this in some form or another. How can you be vigilant of your time just like one would be of a tap that is endlessly running. We want to close that tap and conserve the precious resource of water. The same we want to do with the tap of time that we have left open. But first, we need to look at our day and see where the leakages are. The most common ones are social media and entertainment. For me, it is Facebook. I have tried to limit my time on FB but the habit has been set. My only option right now is to quit cold turkey. And today I will be sending a note to my friends that I will be ending my FB presence. I know that it will disconnect me from the life of many of my friends. But I’d rather have meaningful quality time with them via Facetime or Skype and eventually in person (after the quarantine and lock-down period is over, of course), than to superficially watch their life from afar. I want to plug those holes that are sucking out precious time away from that which truly matters to me.

Process Priorities
This one is linked to the process time bit. It may be easier to look closely at what your priorities are. If you have no idea what your priorities are, read this blog and do the exercise to find out what truly matters to you. Have your priorities written down on a piece of paper. I keep it in my journal and see it once or twice a week and sometimes every day. It serves as a guide to recalibrate my actions and my activities when I go off course. When one reminds oneself that we have limited time, and the events of our world bring that fact closer to our awareness, we start to reassess - what do I really want to do, how can I really be of use to others, how do I want to redesign and rearrange my time and my priorities.

When you invest the effort and the time in reassess the various areas of your life, you will find that there is much you can do to get in alignment with what’s in your heart, with what brings you true satisfaction and true fulfillment. It’s not an easy path and that is why so many people default to an un-assessed, mindless way of living. It takes time to reflect on our life, it takes courage to let go, it takes patience to see the benefits over time. It’s also not easy because we don’t see anyone in our life doing this and setting an example for us. So we go and seek out those who do. And they are out there. You can find them on the internet, you can find them in monasteries and nunneries, you can find them through books they have written or good deeds that they are doing. Find those that inspire you and then read their work, watch them speak, learn and implement what they teach so you can see for yourself if it makes sense and if it is of any value for your life.

Impermanence, uncertainty and death are part of life. Realizing and understanding them as characteristics of life, can help us live intentionally that gives meaning and fulfillment to us as we take courages steps to continuously reassess, reflect and make positive changes in our lives. It’s a gradual path and an ongoing process of change.

Much love and peace,

Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see the books that inspire me, see the books I love here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too (You are reading it)
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st: What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Share with us how you are rearranging your priorities or sticking with what’s there.

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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Uplifting Audiobooks: A Collection

Uplifting Audiobooks: A Collection

Banner Photo Source: Photo by Dedu Adrian on Unsplash

The year was 2017. I had just come back from my first 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat in Georgia, USA. It was there that I learnt about the non-profit publishing house, Pariyatti. I went online and found so many free and for pay books and audiobooks. I selected my first audiobook from there, The Art of Living from their online streaming platform. It was there that I saw a note that said, anyone who would like to volunteer to record these audiobooks please contact us here.

That’s how I got started. By now, we have recorded three audiobooks. And I just got the green light to record an audiobook for a work by Ayya Khema. I am super excited. I am happy to share them with you here:

Stream/Download: You can either stream the audios on the website itself. Once you click the link of the book below, you will see the streaming section. It will look like the screenshot on the right. You can play the audio right there.

Or click the three dots on the very right to download the audio.

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Note: Descriptions have been copied from Pariyatti’s website.

1. Inspiration from Enlightened Nuns

Narrated by: Sophia Ojha Ensslin

“In this audiobook we will be exploring poems composed by the Arahat bhikkhunīs or enlightened Buddhist nuns of old, looking at these poems as springs of inspiration for contemporary Buddhists. Most of the poems we will consider come from the Therīgāthā, a small section of the vast Pali Canon. From the poems of the enlightened nuns of the Buddha’s time contemporary followers of the Noble Eightfold Path can receive a great deal of instruction, help and encouragement. These verses can assist us in developing morality, concentration and wisdom, the three sections of the path. With their aid we will be able to work more effectively towards eliminating our mental defilements and towards finding lasting peace and happiness.”

https://store.pariyatti.org/Inspiration-from-Enlightened-Nuns-br-audiobook_p_4982.html

2. The Elimination of Anger

Narrated by: Sophia Ojha Ensslin & Cristof Ensslin

“The Elimination of Anger, by Ven. K. Piyatissa Thera is a helpful manual highlighting methods that the Buddha taught to help understand and deal with anger. It also contains two stories retold from Buddhist texts, The Reviler and The Anger-eating Demon. This is an audiobook version of this booklet. It can also be found in the book Collected Bodhi Leaves Volume III.”

https://store.pariyatti.org/The-Elimination-of-Anger--MP3-Audiobook_p_5104.html

3. Mudita: The Buddha’s Teaching on Unselfish Joy

Narrated by: Sophia Ojha Ensslin

“This audiobook of Wheel Publicaton No. 170 contains several short essays, one by the editor, Ven. Nyanaponika, and three by lay practitioners on one of the lesser known and too-little practiced sublime states of mind. Mudita, usually translated "sympathetic joy," was designated one of the brahma-viharas by the Buddha, one of the sublime, noble states of mind. How is it to be practiced and what are the implications of mudita on the spiritual path? These essays address those questions. Stream the audio using the audio player below or download as multiple MP3s or a single, long MP3 file (Duration: 71 minutes).”

https://store.pariyatti.org/Mudita--MP3-Audiobook_p_4895.html

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More Audiobooks:

Pariyatti has many other audiobooks that you can find here: https://store.pariyatti.org/audiobooks. And you can also see all their other materials here: pariyatti.org.

We hope you will find them useful and will find inspiration and peace while listening to them.

Love,
Sophia + Cristof

How to craft a mini-retreat at home?

Banner Photo Source: Gaetano Cessati

How to Craft a Mini-Silent-Retreat at Home?

If you are doing a meditation practice weekly, that's already more than not doing any at all. A daily meditation anchors you even more smoothly to your habit of training the mind. It's the day-to-day maintenance to keep the weeds out and cultivate the roses of your garden. If you can bracket your day with a meditation in the morning and one in the evening, you are helping yourself even more. That's something we are working to make a habit of.

What's also helpful is a long retreat of three, five or ten days during which your sole purpose is to cleanse your mind, quiet the mind and go into the depths of your mind to dissolve the "defilements" of greed, hatred and delusion that lead to unwholesome thoughts, speech, and actions.

But when such a retreat is not feasible right away, a one day at-home mini-meditation retreat can come into play. You can do it yourself or with the help of a friend. This is exactly what we are doing this Sunday, starting with a mini-retreat for Cristof.

Three, Five, Ten Day Retreats

Taking time off to go on a ten-day meditation retreat is a wonderful way to rejuvenate our tired minds from the hustle-bustle of our busy lives and to deepen one’s meditation experience. I have done this thrice in the last few years and have found immense benefits of shutting off from the world.

But a ten-day meditation retreat is not always feasible. Many people may not have the opportunity to take ten days off from work and be away from their kids and family. Or the idea of a ten-day meditation retreat sounds simply too daunting. The costs are not necessarily a big factor because a lot of meditation retreats in the Buddhist tradition are donation-based, although traveling costs to those places may be a consideration. Or it could be that you have found a retreat center but it is full already or the next retreat date is months away. In any of those situations, a mini-retreat at home could be the answer.

What is the purpose of a mini-retreat?

A mini-retreat is time spent in meditation and introspection at home with the goal of withdrawing yourself from the daily activities and obligations and taking time to go inwards. It gives your mind and body the time and space to recharge. It allows you to decompress, process open emotional issues, and to be the witness to what’s going on. A mini-retreat can also help you take a breather after an intense period in your life - whether from a busy period at work or an emotional challenge or physical illness that you just had to tackle in recent weeks. Such mini-retreats sprinkled into your schedule can be very helpful to do throughout the year.

How to do a mini-retreat?

The mini-retreat can be crafted in a variety of ways to suit your specific needs and time availability. It can be laid out as a three-day retreat or a one day program or half a day session. Obviously, a three-day retreat allows you ample time to go deep in your practice while a half a day session is a quick dip into your inner-world and a day program can allow you just enough time to mix in a few different introspective exercises. Think of the half-day retreat as the essential building block. You can then repeat it twice to make the one-day retreat. And then use it again to carve out a three-day retreat schedule. See my example below:

The Half-Day Retreat Schedule

The Day Retreat Schedule

The 3-Day Retreat Schedule

Morning
Breakfast
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation

Morning
Breakfast
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation
Lunch

Afternoon
Walk
Meditation
Reading
Watching a Monk/Nun talk on a Buddhist idea
Meditation
Dinner

Repeat the Day-Retreat Schedule on three consecutive days. Alternatively,

Day 1 : Half Day Retreat Schedule
Day 2: Day Retreat Schedule
Day 3: Half-Day Retreat Schedule

* Note: Keeping noble silence is very helpful to quiet the mind. If you need assistance or need to convey an important matter for logistics of your retreat to your family, you may of course speak (but as minimally as possible).

As you can see, the main components of the retreat include:
1. Time for Meditation
2. Time for Reading
3. Time for Listening To A Monk/Nun or someone who can expound on meditation or spiritual matters

I have not included writing or journaling because that involves a lot of mental activity. But if writing down insights or ideas is part of your process, try it out but limit the time you do that during the retreat so that you can stay present with the other components of the retreat.

Regardless of what schedule you pick, a mini-retreat will allow you the space you need for inner-work.

Where to do the mini-retreat?

If you have the means to do it, rent a lovely Air BnB that is calm and peaceful. If you are doing this by yourself, see that you arrange for food and other needs before the retreat starts. Pick up food for three days and freeze it so you only have to warm it up.

If you can get your kids and spouse or friends on board to help you accomplish this, you can do this at home and it becomes even easier. See if you can have a bedroom or just a corner of the house where you will be undisturbed and without interruptions. When family members are involved in helping you, you feel an extra juice of support and love when they take care of household duties and all you have to do is focus on your retreat. Children can also be involved, for example, they can ring the bell when your meditation session is over or even join you in meditation if they already have been introduced to meditation before. Generally speaking, see that it is a retreat where you have the least contact with people because if you see your children in the room, their adorableness may distract you from the task at hand! But do what works. If your day retreat makes your children want to meditate, hey, that’s a wonderfully positive thing.

Mini-Retreat at Our Home

Let me share with you how my husband and I are planning on a mini-retreat at the end of this month.

We agreed that we each want to do an annual ten-day meditation retreat. But in the months before and after the retreat, we want to do a one-day retreat per quarter, so four times a year. Each one will be in charge of arranging the retreat logistics for the other. In that way, the person doing the retreat can truly have a break from all responsibilities and be present with their process.

So we will first start off with a day-long retreat for Cristof. We picked a Sunday. I will take care of preparing and serving breakfast, lunch, and dinner and have it served in the kitchen. I will also ring the bell to denote the transition from one session to another. Tea will be served throughout the day in between meal times. Cristof will pre-select his reading materials as well as audio teachings from a Monk or a Nun before the retreat day.

The room where he will do the retreat will either be my office or our bedroom. My office is quiet and sparse. My office has a desk, a chair and an IKEA lounge Flottebo sofa bed. There are no books, papers or other office supplies in that room as all those things are very “loud” and overwhelming for me when I work. I like to work in as empty and orderly a space I can find. That’s why the office also makes for a great space for a meditation retreat. But if Cristof finds the chair and desk and the sofa unnecessary, then we can set everything up in the upstairs bedroom which is even more sparse. We have two Japanese futon mattresses on the floor, a meditation cushion, a floor lamp, and an IKEA Stockholm side table. The mattresses can be rolled up and put away into the closet and the table can be moved to another room creating an empty room with no furnishings. Then all that will remain is a small lamp which can be used for reading. I think I will post some photos of the space that he uses just for ideas and inspiration for your own retreat.

Cristof’s Day Retreat Schedule

Morning
4:55 am Wake up
5:00 am Meditate
6:00 am Read (with tea)
7:00 am Meditate
8:00 am Dhamma Talk (Monk/Nun audio)
9:00 am Breakfast

9:30 am Meditate
10:30 am Read (with tea)
11:00 am Meditate

Afternoon
12:00 pm Lunch
12:30 pm Walk
1:30 pm Meditate
2:30 pm Read
3:30 pm Meditate
4:30 pm Dhamma Talk (Monk/Nun audio) with tea
5:00 pm End of Retreat

*Writing/Journaling as insights arise.
**Noble silence is maintained in the house by all.

Ultimately, it’s important to carve out an area in your home that will be suitable for your needs. Give it a try. It won’t be perfect but you will learn more about what is helpful and conducive for your mediation/silent retreat and what is not and make adjustments along the way.

Do let us know in the comments if you have done such a retreat and what were your experiences like.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see what books have inspired and helped me, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Have you done an at-home meditation retreat? What did you find conducive and helpful for your experience? What would you recommend others on their home retreat?

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too

Banner Photo Source: Shwetha Shankar on Unsplash

The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:
.
Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too (You are reading it)
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st: What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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Last week, I wrote about the process of finding out what’s truly important to you. I have been dealing with this question ever since I found myself feeling uncomfortable sensations in my stomach - a gut feeling that something’s not right and that something needs to change. (I wrote about this uncanny feeling in an article here and how you too can work through it).

What I discovered through this process was not something new - I had known this all along but now I became more fully and clearly aware of it. I became aware that one of the things I really want to do is to: ”Create videos, books, articles that help people live a life of happiness”.

But for that to happen, I need to make time for meditation, being in nature and being in silence. That’s because I can only help others through my own spiritual progress. I need to keep letting go and dissolving my negative mental states and shift into a positive state of love, equanimity, and inner-peace and then show others how they too can do this for their own lives. If I don’t intentionally allocate time in my life for that, then this cannot happen.

If you did the process of finding out what’s truly important, you too will have identified what is of essence in your life. But just knowing about it and being aware of it is not enough. You have to take bold steps and create the time and space in your busy life for it so that it actually manifests in your life. Otherwise, you become aware of it and then it gets put away in the back of your mind again or buried in some papers in a drawer somewhere. We need to make what’s important to us take up time on our calendar, it is to actually happen in our life.

Eight Hours a Week To Make Room For What’s Truly Important

So in order to offer these weekly classes to our community every Wednesday, we needed to block off one day a week for it. That means we have left 4 days left for our work week.

As I am self-employed running my web design and online marketing service, I do have a bit more freedom in planning my week. So, along with my husband, we decided to invest one day a week in writing, reading and meditating and volunteering once a week to facilitate a weekly meditation class for our community. (The classes are free to all - if you are in Boone, NC area you are welcome to come join us - see dates and location here)

And now we are both working only 4 days a week.

In other words, we have four days a week to earn our livelihood. We grew up around the 5 days a week work model and so this is an experiment. We know that we are not the only ones doing this kind of an experiment. Many companies are putting limits on the number of hours their employees work in a week, only to find an increase in productivity, creativity, satisfaction, and happiness of their teams. Some countries are even experimenting with a four-day workweek.

Make it Work for Your Current Schedule

This may or may not be possible for someone working a full-time job. But you can still carve out time in your workweek by getting a little creative. Start with an hour a day during the workweek. That’s five hours. Then, add an hour and a half on the weekends. That totals to eight hours a week. 8 hrs/week in this way = 1 day/week in our way.

Maybe it is only 3.5 hours a week for you or half an hour each day. You can carve out time in a way that works in your current schedule and still make it work. You will find that our lives are already filled with so many unimportant distractions that take up so much time - just remove those distractions and you will end up with more than enough time to devote to what’s truly important to you. Consider how much TV you watch or how much social media scrolling takes up your time. There are all kinds of distractions from useless conversations, activities that you said yes to that you only said yes to be polite, not saying no to all the people who want a piece of your time. It’s not easy, I know because we love our friends and the people in our lives. But you can start slowly, bit by bit.

How a 4-Day Work Week Impacts Our Income and Energy

How this change to a 4-day work week affect our productivity, income levels and time management is still something we are monitoring. Maybe our income will go down because there’s one day less to work on projects. Maybe it will go up because we’ve become more focused and productive (like all those studies show). I know that my time scrolling my Facebook feed has gone done tremendously this year because of our new plan because there’s just no time for it!

May be our current projects will overflow into the weekend. That actually just happened last week for my husband. He was working both Saturday and Sunday and now today is Monday and he is a bit ill because of a lack of rest. It sure is not easy to manage a full workload from a 5 day week into a 4 day week. Plus, our weekends are serious business usually - they are all about rest and recharging and so he is used to getting rejuvenated on the weekend to be at his best during the week. But without that weekend rest, it has affected everything. However, I know that this is part of our process. We have only started this new schedule six weeks ago. So there will be adjustment period and we may more such work overflows into the weekend.

But what I can say is that from volunteering our time once a week to the community towards a cause and a purpose that we deeply believe in (helping people find inner-peace through meditation), is very fulfilling for us. It has given us a deep sense of purpose and meaning.

And it has also contributed to an increase in actual physical energy on the days we do our meditation classes. We get a million things done on that day, starting from meditating in the morning, brainstorming topic for the class, drafting a 4 to 5-page handout, refining that text, printing copies for the participants, uploading the text to the blog, making a PDF version of the text for instant download, charging the batteries for the camera, preparing lunch, getting the gear ready (tripod, lav mic, extension cables, camera, water bottles), sending an email reminder to our group, driving to the center, holding our class, recording it, heading back home and picking up groceries on the way, transferring all the video and audio data to the computer, editing the two videos, rendering them, uploading them, publishing them, and embedding the videos on the blog and sending out an email with the link to the latest recording). All of this in one day!

On any other day, this would be a massive accomplishment leaving us drained. But on Wednesdays when we are holding our class for our community members, they give us enormous amounts of love, appreciation, encouragement, and energy. That’s how we can make it happen.

Saying No In Order To Say Yes

Of course, this has meant that we also have to say “no” to a lot of other invitations and activities - not because we don’t want to do them, or don’t want to hang out with the people in our lives. It’s just that we are still learning to get our most important goals accomplished in the time we have got. And to make time for what’s truly important to us has not been easy in light of all the external invitations and excitements all around us that we want to partake in. Brunch invitation from neighbors, lunch invitation from friends, a new art exhibit in town, this excursion, that gathering, that event, this conference.

But we have found that with a full-time workload, and working 4 days a week to come up with funds to pay all our bills, AND investing time in things that are truly important to us, we just cannot succumb to all of these invitations. That is why we have become more of a hermit/reclusive from the perspective of others, when it comes to social engagements. That doesn’t mean we don’t like to be invited to things. That always feels great to receive an invite. But we have just had to say no to a lot of things if we are to make time for our core goals and dreams happen - which already is not an easy task.

When you carve out a time slot in your calendar for the things that you want to pursue, the thing that falls under “most important”, you too will have to learn to say no to other very exciting things. And it may even disappoint others. But in order to make sure that what’s most important to you finds ample room in your calendar, you will have to say no to the other “distractions”. And saying no with love and compassion is an art and be sure to be kind in your refusals of invitations. People will understand when you outline what’s important to you and your own struggle with time to get that accomplished. You may even inspire others.

Find it! Find it!

Do take a few moments to do the introspective exercise I outlined in my previous blog post and then find the time in your calendar to devote to it. The exercise involves going over a handful of questions and seeing what answers emerge for you. Some answers may not be news to you. You may already know them. But the process will surely give you more clarity on what’s truly important to you. Then take out your calendar and find a time-slot where you can dedicate complete attention to this one thing that truly matters to you and take steps towards manifesting it in your life.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see the books that inspire me, see the books I love here.

*There are affiliate links on this site. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
Share with us how you are finding time for that which is truly important for you. Let us know in the comments how you’ve placed it in your calendar
and what you’ve had to say no to, in order to achieve this. If you are yet to make this part of your plan, tell us how you plan to do it!

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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The process of finding out what’s truly important to you

Banner Photo Source: Quino Al

The process of finding out what’s truly important to you

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This article is part of a series called “What truly matters” - all about finding out what’s really important in your life and then finding time to do it EVERY DAY. See preceding articles in this series below:

Feb 11th The 4-day workweek: Why I choose to work only 4 days a week and you can too
Feb 4th The process of finding out what's truly important (You are reading it)
Jan 28th What decluttering your home shows you about the meditation process
Jan 21st What to do with the uncanny feeling you feel in your stomach or in your body? What does it mean?

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If I were to ask you, “What’s truly important to you?” what would you reply? And are you taking steps towards that which is truly essential for you?

This question has once again become important to me because recently I found myself feeling uncomfortable sensations in my stomach - a gut feeling that something’s not right and that something needs to change. (I wrote about this in last week's article here). Not knowing what that “something” is, I have begun an introspective process for myself so that I can follow this inner-calling, figure out what the cryptic messages mean and then go about taking actions towards it. But before I can take action, I need to unearth from deep within me, what that message is and what that new path is meant to be.

Not knowing what’s important in one’s life is a plague that many of us are afflicted with.

Since this uncanny feeling emerged at the start of this year (2020), I have read the book, Goodbye Things by the Japanese minimalist author, Fumio Sasaki who says that reducing our necessary items to a minimum is one way of unearthing what truly matters to us. It's not the only way and minimalism is not a goal but a process of getting down to what's essential. There's no judging involved about how many things you have because as long as you know what's important to you and you are living the life you want to live, then things around really don't matter. But for most of us, our things and our activities cover up what we really want to do with our time here on Earth. And so letting go of things is part of this process.

Today, I am sharing something that's part of my personal story and it feels deeply vulnerable to put it down on in a blog. But sharing this with you is part of my healing and I want to share it in hopes that it may add another spark to your journey of healing and inner-peace.

For me, this process of getting clear about what's truly important began several years ago when I would repeatedly go down a spiral of sad, depressing thoughts. I was living in Germany at the time (2005-2007) and doing my graduate studies at Jacobs University in Bremen - a very rainy city. But a bit of what was happening before I got to Bremen.

The Volume That Buries What’s Truly Important

There have been times in my life that I’ve felt overwhelmed with volume. The volume of things, the volume of activities, the volume of emotions with no time or a way to process them. Then, there’s also the volume of information, the volume of social expectations, the volume of people, and the volume of noise.

This volume clouds and covers up all that’s truly important, valuable and meaningful in one’s life. Have you ever felt this? And because of all this crowding and clouding that’s going on, I’ve felt confused, unfocused and unclear about my next steps, even sad, depressed and hopeless. This was the time when I was living in New York and working at the United Nations (2001-2005). Every day, my job was to talk about all the things that the UN was involved in and each morning we had an hour-long briefing about the latest world news, filled with details of civil war, violence, and poverty which we then had to convey to the visiting public by memory. This went on for four and a half years. And towards the end of this period, I had forgotten who I was, what I’d wanted to do with my life and had spent zero hours on anything creative. Having done my undergraduate studies at New York University in Film and Television production and being a creative person part of my identity, I had honed that creative bone for three and a half years. Now, I had not done a single piece of creative writing. I was feeling empty and didn’t really understand the pent up emotions that I was burying inside.

All of that exploded or rather imploded when I moved to Germany to pursue graduate studies and to be closer to the love of my life whom I had just met and who lived in Germany. I found it incredibly difficult to get out of bed to even get to my classes and then, in between class days I filled up my time watching movies that I rented from a nearby automated rental shop just to drown out the confusion and spiraling sad thoughts. (Yes, this was pre-streaming days when DVDs were still in demand)! There were times when I would find myself weeping at the plight of wild animals who were being hunted to extinction and stray dogs and cats in developing countries that were being neglected to a life of utter misery. The news would throw me into a downward spiral.

This was increasingly getting unbearable.

I did have thoughts of being freed from this life of suffering and misery but thankfully in retrospect, I was too depressed with a lack of energy to do anything about it.

The Miracle Of One Book

Life is miraculous and you never know when the next turn of good fortune comes your way. What happened next might look like a trivial matter but it had a life-changing consequence for me. I went to visit my boyfriend (now husband) who lived four hours away from the town where I was studying. He had a collection of books in his bookshelf.

While he went to work, I decided to browse his bookshelf and find something to pass the time with. And there it was - my turning point. Among the many books he had there, there was one that caught my eye. It was a book by Steven Covey called, “First Things First”, that he had received as a gift from his Dad.

Once I picked up this book, I couldn’t put it down. I read it at home. I read it at the cafe. I read it on the tram. And it’s a pretty thick book, probably, the first book I had read that was for leisure and not for some kind of a class assignment. Graduate school doesn’t really allow time for leisure reading, in my experience!

You can get the book here.

Anyways, this book by Covey had a certain grip on me. I can’t remember any more details except two ideas which I am paraphrasing:

1. He wrote in the book that we need to focus on what we can influence. I think he called it our zone of influence.

and

2. Take a few moments after something is said or done and respond consciously and with good intent, instead of reacting.

The first idea literally freed me from my suffering for world events that I could not directly influence or change. It reminded me that instead of having my mind worry about faraway matters that I can have a minuscule difference on (or none), rather focus on my immediate life, surroundings, people and on most importantly on myself that I can most directly and massively influence. This was life-changing and I could feel a kind of a burden lifting from my heart.

The second idea was all too new and unfamiliar to me but it did capture my attention. I had thought of reacting and responding as just two ways of expressing the same thing. To be alerted that there was a difference alone was eye-opening. However, it was only years later that I truly understood the distinction between the two and even now am still learning and figuring out how to truly respond with compassion, patience, and equanimity.

Over the next ten years, I found my way to visualization and meditation exercises that have gradually liberated me from the burden of my own thoughts.

What’s Truly Important To You?

To find out what’s truly important, we do need to dig a bit deeper. Quieting the chaos, calming the helter-skelter life and slowing down the running around from here to there, is an important component of the process. When you look outside a moving car, you see the outside world but in flashes. As you slow down the car more and more and eventually to a standstill, you begin to really see the details of the scene outside. This is what we need to for our inner-world as well. In order to really see what’s going on in there, we need to slow down more and more and come to a complete stop. Then the insights, the wisdom, the clarity arises within us. That’s how we can get in touch with what’s truly important to us, what’s truly of essence in our own lives.

Sometimes, the stepping stone to slowing down and meditating is clearing up our outer world. Reducing our belongings and activities to only those that we consciously choose to have in our live - like the Japanese minimalist authors such as Fumio Sasaki and Marie Kondo propound, can be one way to help us slow down, and to reduce the volume that is filling up our lives.

Another way, is to do an introspective exercise of closing your eyes and allowing some questions to flow over you. You may hear, see or feel the answers bubble up to the surface in response to these questions. Some of these questions are:

What do I truly want in my life?
What do I want to create in my life?
What do I want to do with my time on this planet?
What’s of real essence?
What matters?
What is truly important to me?
What path can I take to find and create the above?
What one thing do I want to create, have or experience that will make all the difference?
If I could have it all my way, what would I truly want in my life?
If time and money were of no concern, what would I do?
If I only had six months to live, what would I do with my time?

You can journal your answers and see what emerges.

This is what came up for me:

What is truly important to me right now?

Time invested in meditation
Time invested being with hubby 
Time invested being with cats
Time invested being in nature, in silence

What do I want to create in my life?

Simple minimalist life with very minimum things
Happy life with no burdens
Lots of openness, spaciousness in my living environment
Creative expressions - in the form of writing and creating videos
Reading and learning about how to create a life of peace and joy
Creating more than enough income to support our life and needs (Cristof, myself, our cats, our parents)

What do I want to do with my time on this planet?

Create videos, books, articles that help people live a life of happiness

What path can you take to find that true peace, true fulfillment?

Write, create and publish
Grow a following of people who want to cultivate inner-peace and help them
Sell courses and books to make a leveraged income
First, simplify and declutter my things and my time

None of these answers was a real surprise, but to have this kind of clarity is very helpful as I move forward to create what’s truly important to me and experience it in my life.

Peace,
Sophia

PS: If you’d like to see more book recommendations, see my list of favorite books here.

*There are affiliate links on this site such as the one linking Steven Covey’s book. When you purchase via such links, I will receive a small affiliate commission without any extra costs to you.

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Now, it’s your turn to share:
What do you think you will find when you remove the
excessive things and activities that fill up your life?

I’d love to know so please share in the comments below.

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