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How to Stop “Practicing Self-Care” and Become a Self-Loving Person
The Liberating Philosophy That Turns Obligation Into Flow
Photo by Solen Feyissa on Unsplash
My wife Sophia and I sat with our calendars during our end-of-year introspection. Among our ambitious plans for growth and flow, we tried to pencil in “monthly massages.” As I stared at the blocks of time dedicated to projects I loved, a frustrating thought arose: What here is worth giving up for an hour of physical relaxation?
Why does doing something ‘good for me,’ that I even like, feel like a sacrifice? Is there a way where self-care doesn’t feel like trading one valuable thing for another?
There must be.
The Trap of Self-Care as Another To-Do
When reading Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s Becoming Flawesome, one paragraph revealed the answer. (I love it how books I’m reading, more often than not, magically solve my life’s issues. Even, or especially, when the book’s topic or title doesn’t seem to have much to do with my problems… Don’t you?).
She draws a crucial, liberating distinction:
“Self-care relies on rituals, such as exercise, meditation, or taking a walk. While self-love is a constant attitude… Self-care is about taking time for yourself… self-love doesn’t take any time, but it permeates your life every single moment.” — Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani
Suddenly, my calendar conflict made sense. I was trying to schedule a ritual (self-care) into a life whose underlying attitude (self-love) hadn’t been established. It was like trying to grow an apple tree in the desert by periodically dumping water on it. The ritual, without the right environment, becomes a drain.
This is why we burn out on our own routines. We use willpower to force the actions, but as Kristina notes:
“Willpower is a short-term strategy, so when you want consistent, sustainable change, you have to find a better strategy, something with less resistance.”
When we routinely rely on willpower to maintain self-care, it’s a clear sign those acts are misaligned with our core self. Misalignment causes friction, and friction leads directly to frustration and fatigue. The “better strategy” is to stop forcing the actions and start shifting the source.
The Identity-First Blueprint: From Doing to Being
The traditional self-improvement model is exhausting:
Willpower -> Forced Action -> Hoped-for Habit -> Aspirational Identity.
It’s an uphill battle against your own psyche.
The liberating model flips the script:
Identity -> Natural Habits -> Effortless Action -> Sustainable Flow.
Instead of doing self-care to become self-loving, you start being self-loving, and let the caring actions flow from that place.
But let’s be real. If you’re burnt out from hustling and are used to beating yourself up for not doing enough, “be a self-loving person” can feel like a monumental, even impossible, leap. This is where Kristina offers a stroke of genius: you don’t have to start with love. Start with kindness.
“When you cannot love yourself, be kind to yourself. It will do the job for now, and with time, it will teach you true, pure, unconditional self-love, the kind that doesn’t need distortions to feel good.”
Kindness is always possible, as the Dalai Lama XIV (whom Kristina references) says. With practice, being kind to ourselves becomes our new default.
The “Kindness Pause”: Your Micro-Identity Builder
This shift happens in tiny, decisive moments. I call it the “Kindness Pause.”
Here’s a raw example from this week: I missed my gym class as I wrote this because I’d strained my hip. My hustler’s mind immediately piped up: “You’re wasting your money. Letting a little pain stop you?”
Instead of following that script, I took a conscious breath. I observed my belly expanding and deflating, relaxed my forehead, and put a gentle smile on my face. Then, I spoke to myself as I would to a cherished friend:
“I am allowed to rest.”
“I don’t need to know what this break is good for.”
“Thank you, body, for signaling me to slow down.”
Breathe -> Observe -> Relax -> Reframe with Kindness.
This 10-second pause is the atomic unit of building a self-loving identity. It is the direct application of choosing a new truth in the moment.
How Your New Story Becomes Your Reality
Do this consistently. The cumulative effect is what all wisdom traditions promise: we become what we practice.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” — Proverbs 23:7
The Buddha taught that all we are is the result of what we have thought.
Kristina phrases this timeless truth simply:
“This is the curious thing about the world. There is no absolute truth. Whatever you believe in is true for you.”
When you believe, through repeated kind action, that you are a person worthy of kindness, that identity solidifies. Decisions change. Scheduling that massage is no longer a logistical trade-off; it’s a natural expression of who you are — someone who listens to and cares for their body. The friction vanishes.
The Ultimate Gift: From Self-Love to Flawesome Impact
This journey isn’t self-indulgence. Practicing self-love establishes a healthy, honest relationship with yourself. Kristina describes authenticity as fully embracing yourself, with all your flaws and unique experiences.
When we connect with ourselves in this way, we can finally shine our light — not a harsh, performative glare, but a steady, authentic glow. This benefits not just our own lives but also allows us to connect with and truly benefit others. It’s the inner abundance that creates outer abundance in health, purpose, and connection.
As Kristina puts it:
“What makes you valuable is your unique mix of experiences, expertise, failings, and mistakes. So are you ready to embrace yourself the way you are? Because I swear, it will be the best gift you could ever give to the world.”
This identity shift is the heart of becoming flawesome. It’s the process of dropping the exhausting performance of perfection to build a life of authentic peace and impact.
If you’re ready to do the deep, kind, and truly transformative work of building your life from the identity outwards, her book Becoming Flawesome is the most compassionate guide you will find.
What’s one small, kind choice you can make for yourself today? Share it in the comments — let’s build a kinder version of ourselves together.
How to Go Deeper
If the idea of trading willpower for identity, and obligation for flow, resonates with you, the journey goes much deeper. I invite you to up your transformative experience by reading the book Becoming Flawesome.
Becoming Flawesome is the manual for this identity shift. It is not a traditional self-help book promising a linear, step-by-step transformation. Instead, it acts as a permission slip for experimentation and, in that spirit, stocks you with options that you can test out for yourself.
The core transformation it facilitates is moving from a state of performing perfection to one of embracing authentic wholeness.
This transformation
Liberates mental and emotional energy
Creates resilience through self-acceptance
Enables genuine connection
Unlocks sustainable motivation and flow
In essence, moving from chasing perfection to digging for authenticity matters because it trades a hollow victory for a rich life.
For the reader, this transformation isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about coming home to who they’ve always been and building a life that honors that person.
Ready to explore? You can borrow Becoming Flawesome from your local library or buy it from your favorite bookstore. If you choose to buy it online, using our affiliate link here to purchase Becoming Flawesome is a wonderful way to support our work at no extra cost to you. We only recommend books that have been pivotal in our own journey.
How to Stop Negative Thoughts Without Fighting Yourself
A tense moment with my wife led to a 5-step mental reset that works for anxiety, creative blocks, and self-doubt.
Photo by Eilis Garvey on Unsplash
Transparency Note: The article below contains affiliate links to book titles. If you purchase something through it, Sophia and I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. This directly supports our work here. I only ever share tools I use and believe in.
That familiar, cold dread of “I did something wrong” washed over me. I had upset Sophia.
It wasn’t just what I said but how I said it. It was my tone — too sharp, too full of unseen pressure. The moment the words left my mouth, I felt the atmosphere between us ice up. I saw it in her eyes: a flicker of hurt, a closing off.
If you’ve ever felt that twist in your gut after a misspoken word, or the heavy silence that follows, you know the script. The mind races into battle. Defensiveness rises like a shield: “I didn’t mean to say it like that.” Or, shame takes the wheel: “I’m a terrible husband.” We believe we have to fight or suppress the negative feeling to make things right. It’s exhausting, and it never works.
In that tense silence, a simple, shared memory surfaced. We’d recently seen a movie where a couple, mid-argument, stopped and counted down together: 3… 2… 1… and then took a deep, synchronized breath.
“Let’s breathe together,” I said to Sophia, my voice softer now.
We held hands. We counted down. And we breathed. Three times.
That was Step One. We had just initiated what we now call The G.R.E.A.T. Reset — a 5-step method to regain power when your mind turns against you. It’s the framework Sophia and I teach in our abundance mindset classes, and in that raw, personal moment, it became the lifeline for our relationship.
Here’s what happened, step by step, and how you can use it for anything from marital spats to creative resistance.
G — Ground & Get Perspective.
We held hands. We took the breaths. The countdown (a trick that echoes Mel Robbins’ 5-Second Rule — it implies a significant change about to happen) forced a pause. In that pause, I named the thought without becoming it: “I notice I’m having the thought that I ruined the evening,” while Sophia located the hurt in her stomach. Just that — a noticing. This is non-judgmental awareness. It creates a sacred space between you and the mental noise. The emotion is allowed to exist. And here’s the counter-intuitive magic: By allowing it space, it begins to lose its power of our psyche.
R — Release & Reframe.
I felt the shame sitting in my chest. I breathed into that tight space. Instead of arguing with the feeling, I thanked it. “Thank you, mind, for bringing up this old conditioning so I can release it.” Sophia used forgiveness instead of gratitude and placed the task to forgive me and her past self for creating these thoughts and feeling into the hands of a higher power. Gratitude and forgiveness disarm the inner critic. You’re not fighting the hurt; you’re reframing it as a blessing in disguise and opportunity to heal so you can easily let it go.
Whether you use gratitude as a reframe or forgiveness as a release, the goal is the same: to disarm the critic’s power by meeting it with compassion, not combat.
E — Embody Your Empowered Self.
This is remembering the core identity shift. We asked ourselves: “Who would we be right now without this thought of being ‘the partner who messed up’ or ‘the hurt victim’? Who are we aspiring to be?” The answer was clear: Harmonious and Compassionate Partners who feel joyful and peaceful, who move through life with ease and lightness. We consciously stepped into that identity. Our posture changed, our hands still connected. We were no longer a problem to be solved; we were a team facing a moment of friction.
A — Activate and Anchor the Antidote Feeling.
The antidote to shame and hurt is connection. We remembered our state of feeling joyful, peaceful, easeful, and light. We actively generated these feelings. We noticed the release. We felt relief. A small, unnoticeable smile began to form. It wasn’t forced; it was the natural expression of the identity we had just chosen.
T — Turn & Take New Action.
The emotional loop was broken. Now, we turned inward. We gently placed our attention on the lingering tightness in our bodies — my chest, her stomach — and enveloped those spaces with the new feeling of peace and connection. Then, we took action to allow a change in physiology to cement the shift in our mental state: Sophia grabbed a tissue, I stretched, then we hugged. The conversation that followed came from a place of “us,” not “me vs. you.”
This reset isn’t just for relationships. It’s for any moment your mind rebels.
Take the classic “I’m too tired for the gym” thought.
G: “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m too tired.” (Pause, one breath).
R: “Thanks, mind, for looking out for my energy. I’ve got this.” (Release the grip that tiredness has over your mind and body).
E: “Who would I be without this thought? The athlete who feels energized and proud after a workout.” (Step into that person’s posture).
A: Generate a shot of determination and excitement to get to move your athlete body. Feel it. Smile.
T: Turn to the tiredness and envelope it with warmth and light; then put on your gym clothes and shoes. Just the first small action that leads to many other healthy actions that follow.
The thought isn’t gone. It isn’t suppressed either. It’s just background noise that has come and will leave in due time. You are in the driver’s seat because you are no longer the tired person — you are the athlete who shows up.
Most mindset shift techniques fail because they start with a battle. “Stop thinking that!” The G.R.E.A.T. Reset succeeds because it starts with compassionate witnessing. It is a practical, immediate application of the teachings we love — from the Buddha’s mindfulness practices to Neville Goddard’s assumption (in The Power of Awareness) to James Clear’s Atomic Habits. You assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled (Embody & Activate) by first making peace with where you are (Ground & Release), then let the wholesome habits of the person you strive to be take over (Turn & Take Action).
The Unspoken Belief We All Hold:
We believe our negative thoughts are orders we must obey, magma we must keep from erupting, or enemies we must destroy. The gentler truth is that they are just weather patterns in the mind. You don’t fight the storm. You learn to ground yourself within it, and let it pass.
Your Practical Takeaway: The next time a negative thought arises — be it doubt before a client call, resistance to a creative project, or frustration in a relationship — don’t fight it. Pause. Say “Time for a G.R.E.A.T. Reset.” Go through the steps. It takes 60 seconds tops. You are not managing a thought; you are consciously choosing who to be.
This is the essence of identity shifting. You move from being plagued by a thought to being the person who transcends it through awareness and choice.
Changing your identity in a vacuum is hard. The mind loves its old, familiar stories. That’s why we created Shift Your Identity (SYI), our free Skool community.
It’s a space of like-minded people on the path of manifestation, assumption, and conscious creation. Here, you find more than inspiration — you find accountability. You can share your reset wins, get support on your stuck points, and practice these shifts in a supportive tribe. The journey from knowing to being is always lighter together.
If this resonated with you — if you’re tired of battling your mind and ready to start compassionately redirecting it — you’re who we built this community for.
Breathe. Reset. Step into who you choose to be. We are there, doing it alongside you.
With peace and belief,
Sophia & Cristof
The 3 Stages of Every Spiritual “Block” (And How to Move Through Them)
Your resistance isn’t a stop sign. It’s a diagnosis — and here’s what it’s trying to tell you.
Photo by Patrick Perkins on Unsplash
Let’s get real about resistance.
That feeling of being stuck — the “block” between you and what you want — isn’t a flaw in the universe’s delivery system.
It’s a flaw in your interpretation.
Most teachings will tell you to push through, visualize harder, or “raise your vibration.” But what if that struggle is the most important signal you’re getting?
From my own journey and many conversations in our community, I see people hitting this wall in one of three ways. See which one sounds familiar.
Stage 1: You see the 3D problem, but miss the 3D mirror.
The incompetent receptionist. The slow client. The crashed website.
Your focus is entirely on the external “problem.” The story you tell is about their incompetence, their slowness, their fragility.
What you need isn’t a solution to their issue.
You need to recognize that the outer world is simply showing you a printout of your inner software.
Stage 2: You understand the law, but you argue with it.
You know the quote: “Your assumptions create your reality.”
You can even feel the truth of it. But when a trigger hits, your first reaction is still blame. And then, your second reaction is annoyance… at the law itself.
Because taking full, 100% responsibility is, in the moment, incredibly annoying. Blame is easier.
What’s missing isn’t knowledge.
It’s a protocol for that exact moment — a way to meet the annoyance without letting it run the show.
Stage 3: You’re doing the work, but you’re still at war with yourself.
You catch the old assumption. You state the new one. But there’s a tug of war in your mind. Part of you clings to the old story, and you think you have to fight that part until it surrenders.
This internal battle feels like a block. It feels like failure.
What’s needed isn’t more force.
It’s the gentle art of allowing two contradictory truths to coexist until the old one, untouched and unfed, simply dissolves.
Wherever you are, the path forward is the same. It’s not about fighting the block.
It’s about realizing the block itself is the compass. Its uncomfortable pressure is pointing directly to the assumption that needs your attention, not your anger.
I was in Stage 2 just the other day, annoyed at a vet’s receptionist and then immediately annoyed at Neville Goddard for being right.
The shift didn’t come from winning a mental battle. It came from a simple, peaceful practice I now use whenever that “blocked” feeling arises: Pause. Question. Allow.
It’s the practice we live by in our free Shift Your Identity community. Because the goal isn’t to become a perfect manifestor. It’s to become a peaceful observer of your own power, one triggered moment at a time.
If you’re ready to trade the war of your blocks for a conversation with them, you’re exactly who we built it for.
👉 Join the Shift Your Identity Community Here
Peace begins on the other side.
Here’s to your alignment,
Sophia (& Cristof)
Make the shift inwardly. The mirror of life is bound to conform.
The 3 Stages Where Your Manifestations Get Stuck (And How To Move Forward)
I was trapped in Stage 2 at the pull-up bar. Here’s the single question that built the bridge to Stage 3.
Photo by Aleksandr Barsukov on Unsplash
Let’s get straight to it.
This work — the real work of shifting your identity to change your reality — isn’t about more information.
You already know what to do.
But knowing and being are two different worlds.
And most people get trapped in the gap between them.
I see it all the time. From my own journey and from guiding our community, people who understand the law get stuck in one of three places.
See which one sounds familiar.
Stage 1: You understand the concept, but your 3D world hasn’t budged.
You’ve read Neville Goddard’s book The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book). You get the “feeling is the secret” part.
But when you look at your bank account, your relationships, or your fitness level… it feels like you’re staring at proof that the law doesn’t work for you.
You’re waiting for the outside to change to prove the inside shift is real.
What you need isn’t another teaching. You need a “halfway pull-up.”
Stage 2: You’re doing the practices, but from the old identity.
You visualize. You affirm. You script.
But you’re doing it as the person who lacks the thing, trying to get it. There’s a subtle strain, a quiet desperation in the background. It feels like spiritual homework, not embodied truth.
This is why it feels fragile. You’re building the new identity on the shaky foundation of the old one.
What you need is to stop the old story before it starts.
Stage 3: You have moments of breakthrough, but you can’t sustain the state.
You’ve had glimpses. A flash of perfect confidence. A day where money flowed easily. A workout where you felt unstoppable.
But then life happens, and you snap back to the old default. It feels like trying to hold a new pose that your muscles keep forgetting.
What’s missing isn’t belief. It’s a daily repetition so simple that failure is impossible.
Then, naturally, the sky is the limit.
I was in Stage 2 just the other day.
Standing under the pull-up bar, my coach asked me to try. My mind instantly served up the inner talk of the old identity:
“I can’t do a pull-up yet.”
I was about to retreat. To confirm the old story.
But my coach simply said,
“From what I’ve seen, you’re closer than you think.”
His words didn’t give me strength. They reminded me of the identity I’d been practicing in my mind for months: the athlete.
I pulled myself higher than ever before.
That “halfway pull-up” wasn’t the final goal. It was the 3D proof my subconscious needed to lock in the new story. It was the bridge between Stage 2 and Stage 3.
This is the entire game:
Find your “halfway pull-up.”
For our writing, it was hitting “publish” daily. That action could only come from the identity “I am an abundant author,” not from “I am a wanna-be writer.”
That one shift changed everything.
Wherever you are, your next step is to identify and complete your very next “halfway pull-up.”
Not the full manifestation. Just the one, small, physical action that only the new version of you would confidently take.
Do that, and you’ve given the 3D its first instruction to conform.
Your “Halfway Pull-Up” This Week
The theory is simple. The practice is where freedom is won.
Your mission is to finish this sentence:
“This week, the new version of me will…”
Make it so small that it’s effortless.
“…write one paragraph before checking email.”
“…schedule 15 minutes of quiet for visualization.”
“…say no to one thing that drains my energy.”
Just name it. That’s the first pull.
Extra-credit for lasting change: Write it in the comments below. Declare it. This public commitment is a powerful act of self-assumption. It tells your subconscious you’re serious, and it lets us celebrate your start.
Where This Goes Next
A single “halfway pull-up” creates momentum. But true identity shift requires a practice — a supportive space where your new self is reflected back to you daily, and where the old stories lose their power.
That’s why we built Shift Your Identity (SYI), our free Skool community.
It’s not another course. It’s a living workshop where we:
Name & celebrate our weekly “pull-ups.”
Troubleshoot the old stories when they surface.
Practice the “feeling-first” method together in real-time.
If you’re ready to move from reading about the shift to embodying it alongside others on the same path, you are welcome.
→ Click here to join Shift Your Identity for free.
Make the shift inwardly,
Cristof (and Sophia)
The mirror of life is bound to conform.
The Incompetent Receptionist — Or the Annoying Truth About My Inner Blocks
What a frustrating moment taught me about the one thing we get wrong about manifesting
Photo by Jill Heyer on Unsplash
I was annoyed. Deeply, petulantly, Monday-afternoon annoyed.
This wasn’t about world peace or an existential crisis. This was about my cat’s ultrasound. I was on the phone with the vet’s receptionist, a person I’m sure is perfectly lovely, as she fumbled through an explanation of the different tests they offer. She couldn’t clarify the difference between the two ultrasound procedures.
My mind spiraled.
How can you work here and not know this? I’m trying to make an informed decision for my furry family member. This is so incompetent.
The old, familiar script of blame was cued up and ready to roll. I could feel the story forming: The Incompetent Receptionist. A story I’d later share with my husband, Cristof, to validate my righteous frustration.
But in the space between my thought and my reaction, a teaching I’ve shared a hundred times echoed back at me, not as a theory, but as a stark, personal indictment:
“The drama of life is a psychological one in which all the conditions, circumstances and events of your life are brought to pass by your assumptions.” – Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness
Ouch.
In that moment, the vet’s office faded. The only reality was the one in my mind. My assumption wasn’t about the receptionist; it was far more personal. It was an old, hidden assumption about myself: “Getting what I need is a struggle. People in ‘helper’ roles won’t have the answers. I have to figure everything out the hard way.”
My annoyance at her was just a perfect, mirror-like reflection of that internal assumption manifesting in the 3D. I had called this exact play into being.
And here’s the part we rarely talk about on our spiritual journeys: My next feeling was a fresh wave of annoyance. This time, at Neville’s quote. At the teaching itself.
Because realizing you are the sole author of your reality is, theoretically, the most empowering concept in the universe. But in practice? It’s annoying. Blaming the receptionist, the economy, the algorithm, my upbringing—that’s easy. It’s a passive, victimhood cocoon. Taking full responsibility means the buck stops here, in the quiet of my own mind. No more casting characters for the role of “villain” in my story.
This is the unspoken truth about that “block” you feel. That stuckness, that feeling of a wall between you and your next step, isn’t a cruel trick of the universe. It’s not proof you’re “bad at manifesting.”
It is almost always a sign that you’ve bumped up against a deep, subconscious assumption that contradicts your conscious desire. And your frustration with the “block” is often just a disguised frustration with the annoying, inconvenient responsibility of having to change your mind.
So, what do you do when you find yourself here, in the gap between the blame you want to feel and the responsibility you know you must claim?
You do the simplest, most peaceful, and most counterintuitive thing of all.
You give the duality space to exist.
I didn’t force myself to suddenly feel love and light for the receptionist. I didn’t berate myself for being “a bad manifestor.” I simply became the observer of my own mind’s drama.
Part of me is annoyed and wants to blame.
Part of me knows I am the creator of this experience.
And both of these truths can coexist.
I allowed them both to be there, without judgment, without trying to instantly fix or spiritually bypass the “negative” one. I held space for my own humanity. In that space of allowance, the charge around the annoyance dissipated. The “block” wasn’t a solid wall to beat against; it was a cloud of contradictory energy that simply needed acknowledgment.
This is the practical, daily magic. It’s not about never feeling negative emotion. It’s about changing your relationship to it.
Your “Block” is Your Compass
That feeling of inner resistance is your most accurate guide. It’s not saying “STOP.” It’s saying, “PAUSE.”
The assumption you are holding in this area is not in alignment with the identity you wish to assume.
The next time you feel that familiar stuckness—whether it’s about money, a relationship, or your creative work—don’t try to manifest it away. Get curious.
Pause and Locate the 3D Trigger: What minor, annoying event just happened? (The slow email reply, the rejected pitch, the doubting friend).
Ask the Creator, Not the Victim: “What assumption must I be holding about myself or the world to have created this specific experience as my reality?” (e.g., “My ideas are easily dismissed,” “Money is hard to come by,” “I am not supported.”).
Allow the Duality: Admit, “Part of me believes that old story. And part of me knows I am the creator who can choose a new one.” Sit in that truth without forcing a resolution. Breathe into the space between.
This process isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about practicing awareness. The moment you can observe the old assumption without being wholly identified with it, you have already begun to master it. As Neville says, you move from being a slave to your assumptions to becoming their master.
The receptionist will eventually find the information. I fully trust that. But the real shift happened in my mind. I walked away from a mundane Monday stress-factor with a renewed, visceral understanding of the only truth that matters: my outer world is the signage of my inner assumptions.
And the path to changing the signage isn’t through force, but through a gentle, attentive, and sometimes annoyingly honest conversation with the only writer in the room—you.
If the idea of shifting your identity from the inside out resonates—if you’re tired of battling “blocks” and ready to understand them as your guides—you’re not alone. This is the work we do every day in our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity (SYI). It’s a space where mindful creators and seekers move from theory to embodied practice, supporting each other in rewriting those deep assumptions. We’d be honored to have you join the conversation.
👉 Join our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity (SYI), here.
The One Sentence That Fixed My Broken Chair (& Rewired My Reality)
Neville Goddard was right: “An assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact.” Here’s how we proved it in a movie theater.
Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash
It was supposed to be a perfect, cozy afternoon.
We were at a fancy theater, the kind with big, electric recliners and seat warmers. It was Sophia’s birthday treat. She kicked back her chair, turned on the heat, and sighed with contentment.
I pressed the button on my chair. Nothing.
I tried again. Still nothing. No recline, no warmth.
The old me would have felt a flash of frustration. Of course my chair is broken. Typical. This always happens to me. That narrative was ready to roll, an automatic script written by a lifetime of conditioning.
But the new me — the one who has been immersed in Neville Goddard’s teachings and the power of assumption — paused.
This wasn’t just a broken chair. It was a test. And it was about to become one of the clearest, most mundane-yet-magical proofs of a life-changing principle we’ve ever experienced.
The Secret Ingredient Your Manifestation is Missing
In his book The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book), Neville Goddard delivers a line so potent it can feel like a secret code for the universe:
“An assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact.”
Let’s look at that in detail, starting with the dictionary: an assumption is something you accept as true without proof. Most of us are constantly assuming based on the “proof” our senses provide — the broken chair, the empty bank account, the silent phone. We are, as Neville teaches, merely reflecting our current, often unexamined, assumptions.
The radical work is to assume the wish fulfilled without any external evidence.
But here’s the part we often gloss over: it’s not about the wish. It’s about the feeling of the wish fulfilled.
Meaning: feeling as if we already have what we want; not to be confused with “fake it until you make it” or other forms of “day-dreaming”.
This is where most of us get stuck. We visualize the new car, we affirm the perfect partner, but we’re still feeling the anxiety of not having it. We’re putting lipstick on the mirror and wondering why our own face doesn’t change.
The 3D world is the mirror. We are the source. To change the reflection, we must change the source first.
As Michael Jackson sang:
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
How I Applied This to a Cold, Upright Chair
So, back in the theater. The “proof” was clear: a broken chair.
My desire was also clear: a wonderfully relaxing and connected afternoon with my wife.
The old story would have been to fixate on the broken mechanism, letting it sour the entire experience. The new story? I chose to accept my desire as already fulfilled.
I didn’t try to “believe” the chair was fixed. That would have felt like a lie. Instead, I focused on the feeling of my wish fulfilled.
What does a “wonderful, relaxing afternoon” feel like?
It feels like peace. It feels like joy. It feels like ease and lightness.
So, I let go. I leaned back as best I could, propped my feet up on our bag, and turned my attention to the love-of-my-life company I was with and the movie we were about to see. I consciously dwelled in the feelings of peace and joy. I accepted that, regardless of the chair’s mechanics, my afternoon was already perfect. I persisted in that feeling-state.
Sophia, radiating the same energy, didn’t try to “fix” me or the situation. She was in her own state of fulfillment.
I had completely let go of the how. The “how” was the universe’s department. My department was to stay in the feeling.
The Word That Bridged the Realities
A little while later, toward the end of the previews and just before the movie started, I got up to use the restroom. When I returned, Sophia, without a second thought, intuitively said:
“Try it again. It is working now.”
She hadn’t touched the controls. She hadn’t flagged down a manager. She simply spoke from that place of aligned intuition, from the state of the wish fulfilled.
The old me would have scoffed. “I already tried, it’s broken.” But the new me, the one bathing in the feeling of a perfect afternoon, was open. I was in a state of allowing.
I smiled. “Okay, I’ll try.”
I pressed the button. The chair whirred to life, reclining smoothly. I pressed the heat button. A comforting warmth spread through the seat.
To my utmost, gleeful sense of wonder, the 3D reality had caught up. The assumption — the feeling of a perfect, relaxed afternoon — had hardened into fact.
A Practical Takeaway: The Feeling-First Framework
This isn’t about magic movie theater chairs (although the movie we saw was all about magic). It’s about the fundamental blueprint of creation.
Identify the Core Feeling: What do you really want? Strip away the object or situation. If you want a new car, is it for the feeling of freedom? Security? Success? If you want a partner, is it for the feeling of connection? Love? Belonging? Start with the feeling. For us, it’s a deep sense of ease and peace. What is it for you?
Assume the Feeling Now: The moment a contradictory “3D fact” arises (a broken chair, a rejected pitch, a negative bank statement), pause. Don’t argue with the fact, don’t deny it either. Instead, drop into your body and summon the feeling of your wish fulfilled. Breathe into it. For just 10 seconds, let the feeling of peace, or joy, or abundance be more real than the external circumstance. This is the “work.”
Let Go of the “How”: Your job is to be the person who is already experiencing that feeling. The universe’s job is to arrange the details. Trust that intuitive nudges — like Sophia’s words — will arrive at the perfect time, guiding your actions.
Mind Your Inner (and Outer) Speech: Your internal monologue must support your new feeling-state. Then, when you speak, let it come from that aligned place. Your words are the first vibrations of your new reality. Make them count.
The world will tell you to change your circumstances to change your feelings. We’re here to suggest the opposite, more powerful path: Change your feeling to change your circumstances.
Don’t get me wrong — sometimes a broken chair is just a broken chair, and you should call a technician. But the feeling of frustration and powerlessness? That’s the real glitch in the system. And the repair for that doesn’t require a tool belt; it requires a conscious return to the feeling of the wish fulfilled.
The ultimate fix wasn’t for the chair’s wiring, but for my state of being.
If this concept resonated with you and you’d like to go deeper with a community of like-minded people, you are welcome to join our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity (SYI). We continue these conversations there every day.
Your Circumstances Are The Echo, Not The Voice
How a broken movie theater chair taught me to stop fixing the reflection and start changing the source.
Photo by Elisa Photography on Unsplash
Let’s get straight to the point.
Most of us use manifestation like a remote control, pointed at the universe, desperately clicking the button and wondering why nothing changes.
We think the power is in the clicking. In the effort.
But what if you’ve been focusing on the wrong thing entirely?
I had a moment of pure clarity about this recently, in a movie theater of all places.
My electric recliner was broken. No recline, no heat.
The old me would have spiraled into frustration (or pretended that I didn’t need recline or heat anyway). But I’ve learned that the “3D world” — the broken chair, the empty bank account — is just a mirror. It’s the last place to look for solutions.
The real work happens before the mirror changes.
Neville Goddard, in his book The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book) called it the ultimate secret:
“An assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact.”
This means your most important job is to feel the wish fulfilled now, not later.
In that theater, I gave up trying to “fix” the chair in my mind. Instead, I focused on the feeling of my wish fulfilled: a perfectly relaxed, joyful afternoon with my wife.
I soaked in the feelings of peace and connection as if it were already true.
I let go of the how.
And then, my wife Sophia, from a place of pure, aligned intuition, turned to me and spoke seven words that shifted reality:
“Try it again. It is working now.”
I pressed the button. The chair came to life and moved into the desired recline.
The 3D reality had simply caught up.
The chair was never broken. My connection to my own power was.
This is the shift. Moving from trying to make something happen to allowing yourself to be the person it has already happened for.
Your circumstances don’t need your attention. Your state of being does.
When you make the shift inwardly, the mirror of life is bound to conform.
In alignment,
Cristof
The "State Shift" Method: How to Replace Hustle with Flow
A simple 3-step framework I used to land a 10,000-person audience by following a single, intuitive nudge.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Let’s get straight to the point.
Most people approach manifesting backwards.
They think it’s about getting something from the outside world.
I know I did. For years, my stomach would knot with anxiety as I tried to manifest big goals. Hustle and grind would ensue. Every task felt like a heavy “have-to.” I was building my future from a place of exhaustion, and a nagging whisper followed me everywhere: “Is this ever going to actually pay off?”
Then, a single sentence from Neville Goddard’s book The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book) changed everything:
“Manifesting is nothing but experiencing the results of your concepts of yourself in the world.”
Let that settle for a moment.
It’s not about what you do. It’s about who you are while you’re doing it.
Your problem isn’t a lack of action. It’s the state from which you’re acting.
I was acting from “Sophia who wants and struggles,” instead of “Sophia who already has and enjoys.”
The shift happened when I stopped wanting my ocean-view home and started feeling what it was like to already have it. The peace. The security. The freedom.
I bathed in that feeling for five minutes. Then I got up.
My to-do list was the same. But the energy was completely different. A task that used to drain me now felt as natural and pleasant as an ocean breeze. I was no longer building my reality; I was expressing the one I had already claimed.
This is when the magic happens. When you act from this “wish fulfilled” state, your action transforms.
It becomes motivated by inspiration, not force.
It becomes intelligent, guided by intuition to the most effective steps.
It becomes magical, as a “bridge of incidents” unfolds that you could never have planned.
We needed to get our coaching program in front of thousands. The old me would have started a hustle campaign of some sorts.
The new, aligned us? Guided by intuition, we booked a yoga class.
On the community center sign-up page, we saw a link: “Apply to Become an Instructor.” We applied on a whim. Five minutes later, it was done.
48 hours after that, we were scheduled to teach our program, reaching thousands of people via the town’s Parks & Recreations newsletter and guide.
No hustle. Just ease. The path unfolded because we were already the people for whom visibility was natural.
The method is simple. We call it the “State Shift”:
Know What You Want. (Be specific.)
Identify the Core Feeling. (Why do you want it? The feeling is the real goal.)
Step Into the Identity. For five minutes, be the person who has it as a natural fact.
Do this three times a day. Morning, after lunch, before bed. You are reprogramming the source of your reality.
You stop rearranging the furniture and start rebuilding the foundation.
The transformation begins when you stop trying to create your reality and start experiencing it from within.
And if you’re ready to truly live this, not just understand it, our free Shift Your Identity community is where you can practice with a powerful, like-minded group.
You can join us here: https://www.simpleandaligned.com/syi
When you make the shift inwardly, the mirror of life is bound to conform.
The 3 Stages of Spiritual Stuckness (And How to Get Unstuck)
How a rotting mattress and an unsustainable paycheck taught me where our reality is truly created — and it’s not where you think.
Photo by Tomas Tuma on Unsplash
Let’s get straight to the heart of the matter.
The path of true creation — the kind that brings peace instead of burnout, and flow instead of force — is often misunderstood.
And that’s why so many people get stuck trying to “manifest” their way to a better life.
But my guess is…
You’re someone who senses a deeper power within you, but your external reality hasn’t quite caught up yet.
If that’s true, you’re likely facing one of three core challenges I know all too well.
See which one resonates with where you are right now.
Challenge 1: You see problems as “out there,” and it makes you feel powerless.
A difficult client. A slow-paying customer. A neighbor who leaves a rotting mattress on their lawn for five weeks (true story here).
Your frustration grows because you feel at the mercy of their actions. You’re stuck in a story you hate, and you’ve cast everyone else as the villain.
What you need isn’t a better strategy for dealing with them.
You need to realize you are the one holding the mirror.
Challenge 2: You’re “manifesting,” but it feels like a struggle.
You’ve visualized. You’ve affirmed. Maybe you even manifested a big win, like the $22,000 month I once had.
But the how was a nightmare. It came with burnout, stress, and anxiety. You got the what, but you lost your peace. You were still the same person, hustling for your worth.
This happens because you’re trying to change the reflection without changing the face in the mirror.
What you need is to shift who you are being instead of staying busy doing.
Challenge 3: You understand the concept, but you lack the “how.”
You’ve heard “change your identity,” but it feels abstract. How do you actually do that? How do you move from knowing you should be the person who already has what you want naturally, to truly feeling it as your reality?
What’s missing isn’t the theory.
It’s a simple, daily practice that bridges the gap between your future self and your present moment.
Wherever you see yourself, the solution is the same: Stop trying to rearrange the furniture in a burning house.
The liberating truth I discovered — first with a mattress, and then with my income — is from Neville Goddard’s book Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book):
“Man is actually the arbiter of his own fate.”
This means the cause is never truly “out there.” It’s within. Your concept of yourself determines the world you live in.
When I cleaned my internal clutter, the external mattress disappeared. When I shifted my identity from a hustler to someone in harmonious financial flow, my business transformed.
The simplest way to start this shift? Anchor yourself in a new state for just five minutes a day.
Sit. Close your eyes. Choose one feeling: love, peace, or joy. Generate the sensation in your chest. Let it warm you. For those five minutes, you are that peace. You are not wanting it; you are it.
This is how you make the shift inwardly. And the mirror of life is bound to conform.
If you’re ready to move from theory to practice alongside a community of like-minded people, we created our Skool community, Shift Your Identity, for you.
It’s where we support each other in doing this real, daily work.
→ Join the FREE Shift Your Identity (SYI) Community Here
In alignment,
Sophia (& Cristof)
A Mattress, $22k, and A Liberating Truth
Why Manifesting Often Fails — And the Identity Shift That Makes It Work
Photo by Sergey Shmidt on Unsplash
For five weeks, my neighbor’s old mattress festered on her lawn.
It became the backdrop to my life. I’d see it while taking out the trash — a sodden, decaying monument to… something.
Irresponsibility? Laziness?
I (Sophia) didn’t know, but I knew I was judging it. I’d feel a pang of irritation when I saw the neighborhood kids jumping on it, a potential health hazard. I’d sigh, thinking, “Why doesn’t she just deal with it?”
My frustration grew with each passing day. I was stuck in a story I hated, and I’d cast my neighbor as the villain.
Then, while immersed in Neville Goddard’s influential book The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book), a sentence stopped me cold:
“This great discovery of cause reveals that good or bad, man is actually the arbiter of his own fate… and that it is his concept of himself that determines the world in which he lives.”
Arbiter of my own fate. The words landed not as an empowering affirmation, but as a confronting truth. If I was the arbiter, the cause, then this mattress wasn’t just happening to me. My reality was mirroring something back to me.
I looked around my own apartment. And there it was: in the cupboard, four dusty paper bags filled with old college memorabilia and clutter from three moves ago. Ignored. Unattended. A mess I was refusing to deal with.
The parallel was undeniable. The neighbor’s junk outside my apartment was a perfect reflection of my clutter inside.
The old me would have either not done anything and continued to brood in her anger or, eventually, marched over and asked her, with barely concealed annoyance, to handle her mess.
That would be trying to rearrange the furniture in a burning house.
The new me, the one tentatively embracing this “arbiter” idea, knew the only door was inside my own mind.
I didn’t just clean the clutter. I became a person who lives in a clean, orderly, and attended-to environment. I handled my bags. I sorted, I discarded, I created space. I wasn’t just cleaning; I was embodying a new concept of myself: I am the kind of person who resolves things promptly.
The next day, the mattress was gone.
Now, you might call it a coincidence. But after five weeks of stagnation, the timing was… interesting. It was my first tiny, tangible proof. The universe wasn’t punishing me; it was showing me how the mechanism works.
This lesson became crucial when I started applying these principles to my business. I learned to manifest money, but I hadn’t yet learned to manifest a state of being.
I once visualized and “manifested” a $22,000 month. And it worked! The money came in. But the how was a nightmare. The projects attached to that income required three grueling months of non-stop, high-stress work to deliver. I got the number, but I lost my peace. I got the what, but not the who. I was still the identity of someone who hustles and struggles for abundance.
I was using the law of assumption to change the scenery, but I was still the same anxious character in the play.
Neville Goddard and the Buddha, in their own languages, point to the same solution:
Stop trying to change the reflection. Change the face in the mirror.
This is the shift from manifestation to Identity Shifting.
It’s the difference between:
Manifesting a specific income and becoming the person who is in harmonious financial flow.
Visualizing a perfect partner and embodying the state of being already loved and understood.
Affirming “I am abundant” and feeling the natural, quiet joy of the wish fulfilled.
This is where Neville’s “State of the Wish Fulfilled” meets the Buddha’s Brahmaviharas — the divine abodes of loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. These aren’t complicated rituals. They are mind-states. When you dwell in the feeling of love, compassion, or peace, you are, by definition, not dwelling in lack, fear, or frustration. The light naturally drowns out the darkness.
You are assuming a new identity.
The One Practice to Start With Today
This might sound like a massive undertaking. It’s not. It’s a practice, like learning the piano. Every minute counts. Every note matters.
Don’t try to track and purify every “bad karma” seed at once. You’ll exhaust yourself.
Start here: Anchor yourself in a single, wholesome mind-state for five minutes a day.
Sit quietly. Close your eyes.
Choose one: Loving-kindness (May I be happy. May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.) or simply the feeling of deep, quiet peace.
Feel it. Don’t just say the words. Generate the sensation in your chest. Let it warm you. Imagine your wish is already fulfilled — not as a frantic craving, but as a present-moment reality. What does that feel like? That’s your new state.
Dwell there. For five minutes, that feeling is your entire world. You are not someone wanting peace; you are peace.
In this state, you are naturally purifying old seeds and sowing new, powerful ones. You are shifting your identity from the inside out. From this place, action becomes inspired, aligned, and effortless — whether it’s cleaning your clutter or building a business.
The world doesn’t change when you chase a different reflection. It changes when you have the courage to become the person for whom that reflection is natural. You are the arbiter. And that is the most liberating truth you will ever embrace.
Ready to fully embody your new identity?
This is the work we do every day in our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity (SYI). It’s a space where we move beyond theory and into practice, supporting each other as we consciously choose and become the people we are meant to be.
If you’re ready to stop hustling against the current and start flowing with it, we’d be honored to have you.
The Missing Link Between Enlightenment and Manifestation
How I resolved the conflict between wanting nothing and creating everything — and how you can, too.
Photo by Lance Grandahl on Unsplash
Let’s get straight to the heart of something I struggled with for a long time.
This path of spiritual growth and conscious creation… it can feel confusing. Contradictory, even.
And if you’re feeling that tension, you’re not alone.
Something tells me you’re someone who feels deeply called to both inner peace and outer creation.
You want the freedom the Buddha spoke of, but you also feel the pull to manifest a life you love.
And if that’s true, you’ve likely felt the friction between these two worlds.
From my own journey and the work we do, I’ve seen that this conflict often shows up in a few key ways. See if one of these feels familiar.
The Seeker: You’ve studied the path to end suffering, but you wonder if that means you have to give up on your dreams and desires.
You feel a pull towards non-attachment, but you also have goals, a business to run, a life to build. It feels like a choice between being spiritual or being successful.
What you need isn’t to abandon your desires, but to understand how fulfilling them can actually be part of your path to freedom.
The Manifestor: You’ve tried using the law of assumption, but it often leaves you feeling more attached, more desperate for the 3D world to confirm your imaginal act.
You visualize and feel the feeling, but a part of you is still anxiously checking — did it work? This very craving, as the Buddha taught, is the root of the suffering you’re trying to escape.
This isn’t a failure of the technique. It’s a misunderstanding of its highest purpose.
The Integrator: You sense these two truths must be connected, but the bridge between them has always felt vague and intellectual if not outright elusive.
You’re ready for a practice that doesn’t just sound good, but that feels like a profound relief in your body and mind — the relief of true alignment.
Wherever you see yourself, the resolution isn’t about choosing one master over the other.
It’s about finding the one powerful point where their teachings fuse into a single, liberating practice.
It all comes down to a single, misunderstood moment: the moment you generate the “feeling of the wish fulfilled.”
Most people use this feeling to fuel their craving for the 3D world. This, according to the Buddha’s precise map of the mind, only creates more suffering.
But when you do it correctly — when you generate the feeling as an end in itself — something miraculous happens.
Relief. Satisfaction. Peace.
The craving doesn’t just get quieter. It stops. In that moment, you have everything you actually wanted. The thirst is quenched in your imagination. The 3D manifestation becomes a secondary detail.
You are no longer manifesting from a place of hunger. You are creating from a place of satiation.
This is the “forbidden alignment” we discovered. The Buddha gave us the map to end suffering. Neville gave us a precise tool to walk it.
If you’re ready to experience this shift, we explore it deeply in our article, “The Forbidden Alignment: What the Buddha and Neville Goddard Secretly Agree On.”
This is the work we live and breathe in our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity. It’s a place to move from conflict to clarity, together.
Remember, the most powerful shift is an inward one.
Make the shift inwardly, and the mirror of life is bound to conform.
With alignment,
Sophia & Cristof
The 3 Stages of Getting Unstuck (And How to Move Through Them)
If you’ve tried manifesting but nothing changed, you’re likely in one of these phases. Here’s the map to find your way out.
Let’s get straight to the heart of it.
You’ve tried visualizing. You’ve tried the affirmations. Maybe you’ve even built a vision board.
But the results you want still feel just out of reach.
What if the problem isn’t your effort, but your entire approach?
For years, I believed the same story you probably did: Work hard, do the things, and then you’ll become the person with the results.
It’s the “Action-First” model. And it’s a trap that keeps you in a cycle of striving and imposter syndrome.
But something shifted for us.
We discovered that real transformation — the kind that brings opportunities to your doorstep — doesn’t start with action.
It starts with identity.
And from my own journey, I see most people get stuck in one of three places on this path. See which one feels familiar.
Stage 1: You’re stuck in the “doing” loop.
You’re hustling. You’re putting in the hours. You’re following all the “how-to” advice.
But you’re doing it from the identity of someone who doesn’t have the results. It feels like pushing a boulder uphill.
What you need isn’t another action plan. It’s a new identity from which inspired action can naturally flow.
Stage 2: You’re “faking it,” but you don’t “feel it.”
You’re saying the words, but your inner self is screaming, “This isn’t true!”
It feels like a lie because your subconscious is highly integral. It rejects what it sees as false.
What you need isn’t better affirmations. You need a way to genuinely feel the state of the wish fulfilled, so your mind accepts it as a new truth.
Stage 3: You have moments of clarity, but they don’t last.
You get a glimpse of what’s possible, but the old story, the old feelings, creep back in.
Your growth feels fragile. The 3D world’s evidence is still too loud.
What you need isn’t more motivation. You need a structured practice to continually abide in your new identity, until the outside world has no choice but to conform.
Wherever you are, the shift is the same: You must stop ‘faking it until you make it’, and start feeling it before you make it.
This isn’t a theory. It’s how we landed a teaching gig in a 5-minute state of flow, without hustling for it.
We simply abided in the identity of “being teachers” for a couple of weeks. We connected with the feeling of ease, authority, and service. Then, the opportunity appeared. It was a natural, almost expected next step.
The action was a joyful effect, not a strenuous cause.
This is the core of what we teach.
By the way, we created our Shift Your Identity community and the Power of Awareness course (for Premium community members) specifically for someone like you.
I don’t just say that to be inspiring.
I say it because we were right where you are, not long ago. We built the system we needed.
As always, remember:
Make the shift inwardly, the mirror of life is bound to conform.
Sophia & Cristof
Stop Hustling, Start Abiding: The Easiest Path to What You Want
How a simple change in our daily mental practice led to a real-world opportunity in just two weeks
Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash
I clicked ‘submit’ on the teaching application in a state of pure, light-filled flow.
It had only taken five minutes. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing, no imposter syndrome. Just two days later, Cristof and I were in a meeting with the community center program director, not to plead our case, but to decide on dates and pricing for our class.
This wasn’t the result of grinding out ridiculous work hours. It was the natural outcome of a practice we’d been doing for weeks: we stopped faking it until we made it, and started feeling it before we made it.
The Trap of the “Action-First” Model
We’re all taught the same script from childhood: work hard, study hard, do the things, and then — maybe — you’ll become the person who has the results.
Want to be a successful writer? Write for 100 days straight.
Want to be financially abundant? Work 80-hour weeks and save 50% of your income.
Want to be a teacher? Get the education, then the degree, then the position.
The actions come first, the identity follows. It’s a life of striving, and for many, a life of perpetual struggle. The imposter syndrome thrives here because you’re always reaching for an identity that feels outside of you.
But what if we have it backward?
The Download That Changed Everything
Less than a week before the kickoff call for our community, we had a moment of clarity. The real, transformational work isn’t in the action. The action is a byproduct. The first step is the identity.
You don’t just get good grades; you are an excellent student.
You don’t just earn a lot of money; you are a financially abundant person.
You don’t just teach a class; you are a teacher.
For us, the desired identity was clear: “I AM a person who knows identity shifting inside out, applies it in his/her own life with ease, and teaches it successfully to others so they can transform their lives.”
This wasn’t a lie we told ourselves. It was a state we chose to inhabit.
The Practice: “Abiding” in the Wish Fulfilled
So how do you move from “doing until you are” to being the excellent student, financially abundant person, or confident teacher? You don’t just affirm it once. You abide in it.
For a couple of weeks, several times a day, we would consciously drop into the “state of the wish fulfilled.” We used the “I AM” mantra above not as a desperate plea, but as a gentle reminder of our true, chosen state.
We weren’t visualizing a specific classroom or students. We were simply connecting with the feeling of already being the capable, knowledgeable, generous teachers we knew we were. The feeling of ease. The feeling of natural authority. The feeling of service.
This is the crucial difference. Manifesting isn’t about craving a future thing. It’s about experiencing the ultimate result of that thing — the feeling — right now, in your mind. Because even when you get the Lamborghini, the experience of joy and abundance still happens in your mind. Why wait?
When the 3D World Catches Up
This is where the magic happens. When you are truly abiding in that new identity, inspired action finds you. It feels like flow, not force.
The email from the community center? It didn’t feel like a shocking coincidence. It felt like a natural, almost expected invitation from a universe that had simply matched our internal frequency. Seeing the “Program Instructor Application” link wasn’t a surprise; it was an obvious next step. The energy was divine, intuitive, and effortless. No thinking, only doing from a state of being.
The action was a joyful effect, not a strenuous cause.
Your Turn: How to Find Your “I AM”
If you’re feeling stuck in an identity that no longer serves you, here is the simple, practical first step:
Identify the “Stuck” Identity: Get brutally honest. “I am a struggling freelancer.” “I am an unpublished writer.” “I am someone who is always broke.”
Define the Desired Identity: What is the opposite, fulfilled version? Not just having something, but being someone. “I am a sought-after expert in my field.” “I am an author whose words impact thousands.” “I am a financially abundant person.”
It might take a few iterations to get it right. That’s okay. The key is to find the identity that, if you truly felt it was your reality, would make the craving for the external thing simply… dissolve.
The Beautiful Paradox of Non-Attachment
Now, you might be wondering: “Isn’t this just creating a new form of craving?” This is where the Buddha’s teachings beautifully align.
The practice isn’t to cling to the specific outcome nor the feeling. We didn’t need to teach at that specific community center. We just dwelled in the identity of being teachers and left the specifics up to the universe.
Feel the feeling, but be unattached to the form it takes. The feeling itself is also a tool. Use it, and let it go when it no longer serves you. This is the path of true freedom — shaping your reality without being enslaved by your desires.
The more you practice dwelling in this state, the more natural it feels. And the more natural it feels, the faster your outside reality will catch up, often in ways more creative and wonderful than you could have planned.
If this resonated with you and you’re tired of the hustle, we invite you to join our free Shift Your Identity (SYI) community. It’s a space where we explore these concepts daily, share wins, and support each other in moving from struggle to flow. For those ready to go deeper, our Premium membership includes our Power of Awareness course and, most importantly, weekly live “I AM” calls where we practice getting into and abiding in the “state of the wish fulfilled” together.
Your new identity is waiting for you to claim it.
The Manifesting Mistake That Keeps You Stuck in the Hustle
How I learned to stop rearranging the furniture in a burning house and finally build a new foundation.
Let’s get straight to the heart of it.
The path to a life of freedom and abundance isn’t about doing more. In fact, that’s the very thing keeping most people stuck.
But something tells me you already sense that.
You’ve probably visualized, journaled, and set big goals… but the feeling of “hustle” is still there. The alignment you’re seeking feels just out of reach.
If that’s true, you might be making the same mistake I made for years.
You’re trying to manifest goals instead of shifting your identity.
I learned this the hard way. I was a six-figure freelancer, completely burned out. My calendar was packed, but my soul was empty.
I was, what I now call, “rearranging the furniture in a burning house.”
I was so focused on sending one more email, tweaking one more design — the actions — that I ignored the roaring flames of my own misalignment. The house (my old identity) was on fire, and I was worried about the couch.
My wake-up call came during Hurricane Helene. Being evacuated from my home made the metaphor devastatingly clear: you can’t save a house that’s being consumed. You have to get out and find a new foundation.
In that pause, a teaching from Neville Goddard’s book The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book) finally clicked:
“Manifesting is experiencing the results of the concepts of yourself in the world.”
It’s not about getting things. It’s about becoming the person for whom those things are natural.
I had to step out of the smoke and into a new identity. I stopped asking, “How do I make more money?” and started asking:
“Who am I if I am already a financially abundant and generous teacher?”
This isn’t “acting as if.” It’s feeling as if.
And when I made that shift, everything changed. Opportunities aligned with that new identity started to appear — like teaching locally and building our free online community — without the exhausting chase.
If you’re ready to stop hustling and start being, the way out is simpler than you think.
Your first step is to ask yourself one powerful question:
“What is the feeling I am truly seeking from my goal? And who is the ‘I Am’ person that already embodies it?”
Find that feeling. Slip into that identity for just five minutes (or even just five seconds for beginners) today. Let it be your inner soundtrack.
The rest will begin to unfold, intuitively.
We built our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity (SYI), as a sanctuary for this exact work. A place to put out your fires and build a new foundation, together.
If you’re ready to step into your new identity, join us here.
→ simpleandaligned.com/syi
As always, remember:
You are the conscious creator of your reality. Now, let’s create from a place of being, not striving.
With love and alignment,
Sophia (and Cristof)
The Hustle-Free Way of Manifesting Goals
Stop rearranging the furniture in your burning house and learn to build from a new foundation instead.
Photo by Kareli Lizcano on Unsplash
I (Sophia) was a six-figure freelancer, and I was exhausted.
My calendar was a mosaic of client calls, project deadlines, and content to be created. I had hit the revenue goal so many solopreneurs dream of, but the cost was my sanity. My time for rest, for freedom, for inspiration, for simply taking a deep breath — was gone. I was constantly “doing,” but I felt completely empty.
I was, as I now see it, expertly rearranging the furniture in a burning house.
I was so focused on the actions — sending one more email, tweaking one more design, going on yet another client call — that I ignored the roaring flames of my own burnout and misalignment. The house was on fire, and I was worried about whether the couch was in the right spot.
If you’re a creator, a solopreneur, or anyone trying to build a better life, you might know this feeling. The frantic hustle. The feeling that if you just do more, you’ll be more. It’s a conditioned lie we’ve inherited from a world that prizes effort over alignment.
My wake-up call came in a double-whammy.
First, I hit a wall. Despite using spiritual teachings for inner-peace and manifestation techniques to “attract” more money, I was still burned out. I realized I was just manifesting goals, not changing my identity. I was trying to get a new sofa for the same burning house.
Then, life forced me to stop. Last year, during Hurricane Helene, we needed to evacuate. Standing there, with the literal world I knew potentially crumbling, the metaphor became devastatingly clear. You can’t control the storm, and you can’t save a house that’s being consumed. You have to get out. You have to find a new foundation.
In that forced pause, the teachings of Neville Goddard, which I had studied for years, finally clicked in my gut, not just my head. He wrote, in The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to the book),
“Manifesting is experiencing the results of the concepts of yourself in the world.”
It’s not about visualizing a thing. It’s about becoming the person for whom that thing is a natural reality.
The fire wasn’t my client load; it was my self-concept. I was operating as a “struggling freelancer” who had to hustle for every dollar. My identity was the burning house. No amount of rearranging — no new client, no higher rate — would put out that flame.
I had to step out of the smoke and into a new identity entirely.
The Shift: From Goal-Getter to Generous Teacher
I stopped asking, “How can I make $X?” and started asking, “Who am I if I am already a financially abundant entrepreneur?”
The answer wasn’t about having a fat bank account. It was about the feeling. The feeling of security, of generosity, of being a valuable teacher who helps others transform their lives. I defined my new identity:
“I am a financially abundant & generous teacher of identity shifting.”
This isn’t “acting as if.” It’s feeling as if. You honor your present 3D reality, but you consciously choose to generate the feeling you believe you’d have if your desire was already true.
And then, a funny thing happened. The opportunities that aligned with that person started to show up.
A local community center invited me to teach a workshop on identity shifting. Our free Skool community, SYI, began to grow with beautiful, like-minded souls who genuinely wanted to learn from us. We weren’t chasing; we were creating value from a state of abundance, and the means to create a livelihood from doing what we love naturally unfolded. The money started to follow the value, not the other way around.
Your Practical Takeaway: How to Step Into Your New Identity Today
You don’t need a hurricane to start this shift. You can start in the next five minutes.
The process is simple, but it requires courage to stop “doing” and start “being.”
Get Crystal Clear: What do you really want? And more importantly, why? Dig for the feeling. Do you want more money for the number in your account, or for the feeling of security and freedom it represents? Do you want a successful business for the status, or for the feeling of creative expression and impact?
Define the “I Am”: Complete this sentence from the end result: “I am a person who…” Not “I want to be,” but “I AM.”
→ Instead of “I want to be a successful writer,” try “I am a widely-read author whose words transform lives.”
→ Instead of “I want to be debt-free,” try “I am a financially abundant and secure person.”Slip Into the Feeling (The 5-Minute Practice): Close your eyes. For just five minutes, let go of your current reality. In your mind’s eye, slip into the identity of that “I Am” person you just defined. Don’t visualize objects; generate the feeling. What does it feel like in your body to be that person? Is it a lightness in your chest? A quiet confidence? A sense of expansive freedom? Let that feeling wash over you. Breathe into it.
Carry It With You: Open your eyes and go about your day. But let that feeling be your inner soundtrack. Let it infuse your decisions, your conversations, your work. Action will become intuitive, not forced. You’ll stop procrastinating and second-guessing because you’ll be moving from a place of alignment with your inner self.
Stop trying to save the burning house. The hustle, the exhaustion, the constant “doing” from a place of lack — it’s all smoke and mirrors.
Step out. Breathe the fresh air of a new identity. Build a new reality from the inside out.
Ready to stop hustling and start being?
This is the work we do every day in our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity (SYI). We host free calls where we practice these exact techniques together, support each other, and celebrate each other’s wins. It’s a safe space to put out your fires and build the identity you truly desire.
Join us for free at simpleandaligned.com/syi. We’d be honored to have you.
Have You Taken a Pause That Changed Everything?
Life doesn’t slow down just because you want it to.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Let’s be honest.
Life doesn’t slow down just because you want it to.
For years, I was racing. Twelve-hour days. Screens lighting my face. Chasing the next deal, the next project, the next “win.”
I thought that’s what success looked like.
But at some point… I realized I wasn’t living. I was hustling.
Then life made me stop.
Stage 1: You feel the shift coming, but don’t know how to pause.
For me, it was a hurricane. Hurricane Helene. We had to evacuate. Nature itself paused.
And suddenly… I heard it. That quiet whisper I’d been ignoring:
“What if you stopped?”
Not just for a moment. But deeply.
I had spent years defining myself by performance. By output. By doing.
But in that pause, I realized how empty all the chasing had become.
Stage 2: You try to pause, but old habits scream.
During evacuation, a friend offered me a trading project. My reflex said yes. My people-pleaser said yes.
But my heart whispered: no.
For the first time, I actually listened. Saying no wasn’t rejecting opportunity — it was reclaiming sanity.
That was the first sacred pause I ever took.
Stage 3: You’re ready to make the pause your practice.
After that, I began experimenting. Sometimes just three minutes a day. Breathing. Sitting. Listening.
Writing. Healing. Healing through writing.
And something shifted. My life reorganized itself.
I discovered: peace doesn’t come from controlling life. It comes from being fully present. It comes from uncovering layers of conditioned habits, one at a time.
Prayer is speaking. Meditation is listening. Why not do both?
Creation becomes a conversation — a two-way flow.
The Antidote to Hustle
Every morning, I ask myself:
“What is one thing that is sacred to me today?”
It rewired my life. Turned productivity into purpose. Made peace my portfolio.
I work differently now. I show up differently. I serve from overflow instead of stress.
Your turn
Pause isn’t about stopping the world. It’s about finding your center inside it.
Take a moment today. Breathe. Ask:
What is one thing that is sacred to me today? How can I honor or protect it?
Hold it. Breathe into it. Let it guide your actions today.
If this resonates… know you’re not alone.
We’re building a space called Shift Your Identity for people who want to live from peace, not pressure; from purpose, not hustle.
It’s where we explore, reflect, and support each other in creating lives that align with our deepest truth.
Because peace isn’t a luxury. It’s your birthright. And the pause? That’s how you reclaim it.
With alignment,
Cristof
I “Tricked” Myself Into Winning 3 Prizes in a Single Raffle
Here’s the simple identity shift I used — rooted in Neville Goddard’s teachings — that you can apply to manifest anything.
Photo by Jake Ingle on Unsplash
I (Cristof) sat on a hard gym bench, watching my chances of winning a raffle slip away.
The first prize was called. Not my number.
The second. Not my number.
The third and fourth. Nothing.
My shoulders began to slump. A familiar, apologetic story started playing in my mind: “It’s okay, you never win these things anyway. Just be happy for the others. Don’t get your hopes up.”
I was, in that moment, perfectly embodying the identity of Someone Who Doesn’t Win.
And the universe was complying.
But I’ve been doing this inner work for a while. I recognized the old story as it was happening. This wasn’t who I am anymore. So, right there in the noisy gym, I initiated a deliberate identity shift. I decided to step out of “Someone Who Doesn’t Win” and into “A Winner.”
I sat up straight. I put a genuine smile on my face. I started applauding the other winners with sincere joy, as if I were a champion who knew my turn was coming. I didn’t just act like a winner; I felt like one. I allowed myself to feel the satisfaction and excitement of having already won.
The very next drawing? My number was called.
I won a gift card. I was thrilled, but an old pattern emerged. When my number was called again in the next round, I felt a pang of hesitation. “Should I really be this happy? People might think I’m greedy.” The old identity was fighting to pull me back.
I consciously reaffirmed my new state. “I have shifted. I am a winner. Winners get to celebrate.” I stood up, raised my arms, and joyfully accepted my second prize.
By the end of the night, I had won three times.
Now, in the grand scheme, a few ice cream gift cards are trivial. But the lesson was profound: Your external world is nothing more than a lagging indicator of your internal identity. When I identified as a loser, I got loss. The moment I shifted to identifying as a winner, I started winning. It worked immediately.
This experience cemented a truth I knew from Neville Goddard. In his book, The Power of Awareness (affiliate link to book), he taught that:
“The truth that sets you free is that you can experience in imagination what you desire to experience in reality. And by maintaining this experience in imagination, your desire will become an actuality.”
But it was just yesterday that the final piece clicked into place. We were relaxing at home and watching the movie Coach Carter (affiliate link to movie). Samuel L. Jackson, as the coach, tells his team:
“The losing stops now. Starting today, you will play like winners, act like winners, and most importantly, you will be winners… winning in here is the key to winning out there.”
It hit me. That’s it. That’s the entire philosophy in one powerful, cinematic statement.
Most people hear that and think “in here” means the basketball court. But I finally saw it with perfect clarity.
“Winning in here” isn’t about a court. It’s about the inner court of your mind. It’s the identity you assume before the external result shows up. My gym story was a tiny, perfect example of winning in here (my mind) to win out there (the raffle).
The Simple Method for Shifting Your Identity
We spend so much time rearranging the furniture in a burning house — trying to fix external circumstances without addressing the internal fire of our own self-concept. The real work is within. If you want to create a lasting change, start by consciously shifting your identity. Here’s the practical, two-step method, that Sophia explains like this:
Step 1: Get Absurdly Clear on What You Want & Who You Must Be to Have It
You can’t build a house without a blueprint. Most people are vague. “I want more money.” “I want a better relationship.” This is useless to your subconscious mind.
Get specific. “I want to earn $10,000 per month from my creative work, with ease and joy.”
Now, here’s the crucial pivot most people miss: What is the identity of the person who already has that?
The person earning $10k/month with ease isn’t frantic or desperate. They are confident, focused, and see themselves as a high-value creator. They are a winner in their field.
Your desire isn’t just for the thing; it’s for the state of being that the thing implies. Define that state. Is it “a winner,” “a bestselling author,” “a magnetic partner,” “a debt-free person”?
Step 2: Make Your Future Dream a Present Fact Through Feeling
This is where you move from theory to practice. You must “assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled,” as Neville says.
The word “assumption” is key. The dictionary gives two definitions that are perfectly aligned for our purpose:
A thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
The action of taking on power or responsibility.
You must accept as true, without any proof from the 3D world, that you are already that person. And in doing so, you take on the power and responsibility of that new identity.
How do you do this? In your imagination.
Let’s say your desire is to be a bestselling author. Don’t just visualize holding the book. That’s a step, but it’s not the pinnacle.
Instead, enter a scene that would imply your desire is fulfilled. Imagine reading a heartfelt email from a reader, telling you how your book changed their life. Feel the warmth in your chest. See the words on the screen. Hear your own grateful, happy sigh. Live in that feeling.
Do this not as a daydream of the future, but as a reliving of a present fact. This isn’t “someday.” This is now.
As Neville puts it:
“By desiring to be other than what you are, you can create an ideal of the person you want to be and assume that you are already that person. If this assumption is persisted in until it becomes your dominant feeling, the attainment of your ideal is inevitable.”
Your only job is to persist. When the old reality (the “losing streak”) shows up, ignore it. It’s just echo. When doubt creeps in, gently return to the feeling of your wish fulfilled.
Stop trying to build a new you from the outside in. It’s exhausting. Instead, make the shift. Decide who you are now, and let your outer world catch up to that truth. “Win in here,” and watch, almost as a passive observer, as your reality has no choice but to reflect your new identity back to you.
Ready to make your shift? This is exactly what we explore in our free Skool community, Shift Your Identity (SYI). It’s a space where we dive deeper into these principles, support each other’s journeys, and practice the art of conscious creation together. If this article resonated with you, you already belong. Click here to join our free SYI community today.
The Sacred Pause
How slowing down became my greatest source of peace
Photo by Frames For Your Heart on Unsplash
It’s funny how easy it is to get caught up in speed — in the endless doing, the striving, the measuring. For years, my days started and ended with screens. Twelve hours of staring at glowing rectangles, chasing the next deal, the next trade, the next client project.
At some point, I wasn’t working anymore — I was spinning. I was the kind of tired that no nap can fix. That was my normal.
Then life decided to make me stop.
The Breaking Point
It wasn’t just burnout that broke me open — it was a hurricane. Hurricane Helene hit our region hard, and we had to evacuate. I remember packing up the essentials, stepping outside, and feeling this eerie stillness in the air. Nature had paused everything.
That week, the storm outside mirrored the one I had been ignoring inside.
When the power went out, when the water stopped flowing, when the internet went silent, something else came online — a whisper inside me asking,
“What if I stopped?”
Not just physically, but deeply.
I had spent years as an investment adviser and software engineer — always chasing, optimizing, producing. My identity was tied to performance. But in that pause, I started to see how empty that chase had become.
The First Real Pause
The first real pause came in a moment of temptation during the evacuation— a friend offered me an exciting trading project, something that would’ve reignited the hustle. My reflex said yes, the people-pleaser in me said yes, but my heart whispered no.
For the first time, I listened to the whisper.
Saying no to that project wasn’t about rejecting opportunity — it was about reclaiming sanity. It was the first sacred pause I ever took.
I didn’t have a name for it then, but it was the beginning of a new rhythm — one built around meditation, reflection, and daily stillness.
Let’s Pause Together
Before I tell you the rest of the story, let’s experience what I’m talking about.
Let’s take a few minutes to pause — not as an escape, but as a return.
I invite you to gently close your eyes if you feel comfortable. Take a deep breath in… and let it go.
Feel the weight of your body on the chair. Feel the floor beneath your feet.
Now, bring to mind something or someone that naturally opens your heart. It could be a loved one, a pet, a memory, or even a sense of divine presence.
As you breathe, imagine sending a gentle wish toward them:
“May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May you be joyful. May you be free from suffering.”
Take a few breaths in that space. Feel how your heart softens, how your breath steadies.
Now, let that same kindness turn inward.
May I be happy. May I be peaceful. May I be joyful. May I be free from suffering.
Just notice the shift.
That’s the power of a pause — it’s not about stopping time; it’s about touching eternity within time.
Take one more breath.
And when you’re ready, open your eyes.
What I Discovered in That Pause
When I first started practicing this — sometimes for just three minutes a day — my life began to reorganize itself.
I realized something profound:
What’s holy to me isn’t the output. It’s the process.
It’s the morning hours when I write, heal, and create. It’s journaling through the old stories that kept me small. It’s the moments when I listen — not to the world, but to that still, quiet voice inside.
That’s where sacredness lives.
And the more I paid attention, the more I noticed something beautiful — peace doesn’t come from controlling life; it comes from being fully present for it. It comes from uncovering habituated, conditioned, non-reflected ways of being, layer by layer.
As I often remind myself, prayer is speaking to God, and meditation is listening. Why not do both? Creation, after all, is a conversation — a two-way flow.
The Antidote to Hustle
Rainn Wilson once asked in his book Soul Boom (affiliate link):
“What is holy to you personally? […] Where does sacredness live? […] What should be sacred to all of humanity?”
That question hit me like truth does — quietly but deeply.
I started asking myself every morning,
“What is one thing that is sacred to me today?”
That one question rewired my life. It turned productivity into purpose. It made me realize that the real wealth I was seeking wasn’t financial — it was peace of mind.
Peace became my portfolio.
When I built my business around that truth, everything changed. I didn’t work less — I worked better. My energy felt sustainable. My creativity deepened. I couldn’t wait to start working each morning; I was serving from overflow.
Let’s Practice the Sacred Pause
Let’s take another few minutes together to feel what it means to make something sacred.
If you’d like, close your eyes again.
Take a few deep breaths.
Now bring to mind your day — everything that’s on your mind, all that’s waiting for you when you leave here.
And now ask yourself, quietly,
What is one thing that is sacred to me today?
Don’t overthink it. Just let the first thing that arises — a person, a value, a moment, a feeling — come forward.
Hold it in your awareness.
Breathe into it.
This is your sacred center. The place from which your best self acts and speaks.
Now, with one more deep breath, commit — even if silently — to honoring this sacred thing in some small way today.
Take your time. And when you’re ready, slowly open your eyes.
What We’ve Lost — and What We Can Reclaim
When we lose touch with what is sacred to us, we lose our peace. And peace, I’ve come to see, is the most precious wealth in the world.
Without it, we cannot serve others or ourselves in our highest way. We just spin — busy, exhausted, half-alive.
But when we pause, when we listen, everything changes. Even burnout becomes a teacher. Even emotional upheaval turns into a source of enlightenment. Even a hurricane becomes holy.
Because in the sunlight of awareness, as Thich Nhat Hanh said, everything becomes sacred.
A New Kind of Wealth
So here’s the paradox: When we stop chasing success and start cultivating stillness, success begins to find us — not as an achievement, but as alignment.
I have been building my business around that truth. I’ve been building my peace around that truth. Now I get to share it with you.
And the invitation I’ll leave you with is simple:
Pause daily. Reflect weekly. Retreat deeply.
And each time you do, ask yourself — What’s sacred to me today?
You’ll find that question alone is enough to change everything.
Closing Invitation
If this message resonated with you, I’d love for you to stay connected.
We’re building an online community called Shift Your Identity — a space for people who want to live, work, and create from peace, not pressure; who want to build a conscious life, not one shaped by adopted expectations.
You can join us online, continue exploring these and other practices, and share your reflections.
But most importantly — take this pause into your life. Protect it. Nurture it.
Because peace isn’t a luxury. It’s our birthright.
And the pause is how we come home to it.
With love and alignment,
Cristof Ensslin
Your Brain Is Angry. It’s Time to Feed It a Cookie.
How a bizarre lesson from Rainn Wilson and Gandhi is saving my creative soul.
Photo by Vyshnavi Bisani on Unsplash
You know the feeling.
You’re cruising along, your mind buzzing with a new article idea or a solution to a client’s problem. You’re happy. The creative flow is humming.
Then, it happens. Someone cuts you off in traffic, their middle finger a stark punctuation to their anger. Or, an email pings in — a terse, unkind message from a collaborator or client.
In a flash, the flow is gone. Replaced by a hot, sharp anger.
This was my (Cristof) default state. My internal monologue would kick in, a cocktail of self-righteous judgment and cynical ridicule: “I’m such a good driver. I went at the speed limit. What a jerk. And for what? We’re both just going to end up at the same red light anyway.”
It felt justified. It felt normal. But I never stopped to calculate the real cost.
That anger wasn’t just a passing emotion. It was a toxin. It would seep into my body, making my knees tense, my shoulders tight, and my stomach churn. With a sick body and a mind buzzing with negativity, I couldn’t create. I couldn’t write. I’d try to sit down at my desk, but the words wouldn’t come. If I had to produce work, it was subpar, forced, and misaligned. The entire cycle would then spiral into frustration and self-doubt.
It was costing me my peace, my productivity, and my power.
The turning point came from an unexpected place: Rainn Wilson’s book, Soul Boom (affiliate link). In it, he writes:
“We all know someone who is rude, selfish, unkind, toxic. We do our best to avoid people like this. But what if we tried instead to consciously find one good quality about that person? For instance, what if they are a total jerk in every way but have great hygiene and always smell like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? When I’m able to consciously focus on the good quality of a person, not only is my day better but my relationship with that person improves. And eventually, other good qualities are revealed to me that I might not have taken the time to see previously.
In other words, focus on the cookies. and don’t focus on the negative.”
He then quotes Gandhi, one of the grand masters of humility:
“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”
“Focus on the cookies.” The phrase stopped me. It was so simple, so visual, so… absurd. But it pointed to a profound truth I had been missing.
For all my life, I thought the solution was to simply stop being angry. To suppress it. To let it go. But you can’t reliably power down a reaction with willpower alone. The real shift, I discovered, isn’t about managing your reactions.
It’s about shifting your identity.
The Person Who Finds the Cookies
I realized that “focusing on the cookies” wasn’t a behavior hack. It was an identity. I had to stop trying to be less angry and start becoming the kind of person who, by their very nature, doesn’t get derailed by external circumstances.
I asked myself: Who would I have to become for a rude driver or a difficult email to not be an issue at all?
The answer painted a clear picture. This version of me is:
Self-Reflecting: They look inward before casting outward judgment.
Unaffected by Circumstances: They don’t take their emotional cues from other people’s bad behavior.
Compassionate: They operate from a default assumption of goodness, or at the very least, a default assumption that everyone is fighting a hard battle.
This is the core of manifestation and identity shifting. You don’t wait until you feel like that person to act. You act as if you are that person, and the feelings follow.
When the world gets loud, this identity whispers:
“I am not taking my cues from current circumstances. These circumstances are only the result of my past mind states. My current mind state produces my future circumstances. And I’m not letting anybody decide over my mind states. Every thought counts. Every thought matters.”
Your 30-Second Identity Shift Drill
This isn’t just philosophy. It’s a practical drill you can use the very next time you’re triggered. It takes less than 30 seconds and has two simple steps.
The moment you feel that hot surge of judgmental anger, pause. Take one breath, and repeat this twofold mantra to yourself:
Step One: Detach. Say: “I do not take cues from my circumstances.”
This is the emergency brake. It stops the mental train from hurtling down the familiar track of rage and ridicule. It reclaims your sovereignty.Step Two: Shift. Ask: “Who do I have to become for whom this wouldn’t be an issue at all?”
This is the rocket fuel. It instantly moves you from a state of reaction to a state of creation. You are no longer a victim of the event; you are the conscious architect of your response. You are putting on the cloak of your highest self.
Then, and only then, look for the cookie. Maybe it’s the fact their car is impeccably clean. (And only decent people keep their cars clean, right?) Maybe it’s Sophia’s wonderful method of assuming their loved one is giving birth and they need to rush to the hospital. (Since we’re the ones dictating our mental narrative, we might as well make it a good one.)
The “cookie” is the proof that your identity shift is working.
The Ripple Effect on Your Creative Life
When you become the person who finds the cookies, you aren’t just being nice. You are engaging in the most strategic act of self-preservation a creator, solopreneur, freelancer, or really anyone can do.
You are protecting your most valuable asset: your aligned, creative energy. You are ensuring that a single moment of external chaos doesn’t derail your entire day’s work. You are, quite literally, building the future you want by consciously choosing the mind state that will create it.
Every thought counts. Every thought matters. So choose to find the cookie. Your peace, your power, and your next breakthrough depend on it.
Want a weekly dose of simple, aligned wisdom? Sophia and I explore powerful ideas like this every week to help you master your mind and manifest your vision. No fluff, just value. Join our Simple and Aligned newsletter here.
The Sacred Pause: The Solopreneur’s Antidote to Burnout
How a simple question from Rainn Wilson’s “Soul Boom” helped me replace hustle with holiness and build a business that doesn’t cost me my peace.
Photo by Frank Leuderalbert on Unsplash
You know the feeling. It’s 3:17 PM on a Tuesday. Your to-do list is a tyrant, your inbox is a bottomless pit, and the glow of your screen feels more like a prison spotlight than a gateway to freedom. You’re chasing client work, algorithm updates, and revenue goals with a frantic energy that, deep down, feels hollow.
You started this journey to build a life of purpose. But somewhere along the way, the purpose got buried under the productivity. The meaning got lost in the metrics.
I (Cristof) was deep in this exact grind. As a freelance programmer, my worth was measured in billable hours and completed projects. I stacked them high, convinced that maximizing my income potential was the ultimate goal. The result? I was a husk. Stressed, burned out, and painfully disconnected. The romantic dates with my wife? A forgotten concept. Quiet moments with my cats? A luxury. My morning meditation? The first thing sacrificed on the altar of "busyness."
I had traded my inner peace for outer progress, and it was the worst bargain I’d ever made. I was doing all this work for my family, but in the process, I had become completely absent from my family. I was building a business to create freedom, but I had become a slave to it.
Then, I read a paragraph in Rainn Wilson’s book, Soul Boom (affiliate-link), that stopped me cold. It was a simple invitation—a plea, really—amidst a chapter on meaning. He asks:
“Please take five minutes to consider… What is holy to you personally? Where does sacredness live? What should be sacred to all of humanity? What is most definitely not sacred? What have we lost by not having more ‘sacredness’ in our lives?”
His hope was to spark one action: a moment of pause.
Reading that, I felt a deep resonance. I had already stepped away from the 24/7 freelance grind, but the mental habits of hustle culture were stubborn ghosts. The frantic energy, the guilt for pausing — these were my default settings. The word ‘pause’ in Rainn’s passage wasn’t a life raft from a sinking ship, but a validation for the dry land I was already standing on. It was permission to make my new reality feel not just like a break, but like a sacred, permanent shift.
So I closed the book, set my phone aside, and applied this new lens of ‘sacredness’ to the peace I was trying to build.
Here’s what I discovered in that sacred pause:
What is holy to me is not the output; it’s the process. It’s the sacred act of healing, writing, and creating between 8 AM and noon each day. It’s the time I spend journaling to untangle childhood traumas and insecurities, not just to become a better businessman, but to become a whole man. This is the foundation upon which a meaningful life—and a sustainable business—is built.
Sacredness lives as a feeling in the heart of my being. It’s not an abstract concept; it’s a tangible energy I can locate in the center of my chest. It’s the universal love and joy I can access through a momentary pause, a deep breath, a conscious re-centering. It’s my internal home base, and I had been away from home for far too long.
What should be sacred to all of us is getting out of the hustle culture. It’s making non-negotiable pauses to reflect, realign, and simplify. The endless heist for money, fame, and power is a hollow game. The true spiritual journey is the one that leads to an inner happiness independent of outside factors—the kind of success that no market crash can ever take away.
That Tuesday afternoon grind? The constant busyness devoid of meaning? That is the opposite of sacred. It’s what leads us away from our true path. But here’s the beautiful paradox I learned: that feeling of emptiness, that volcanic pressure of dissatisfaction, is also what eventually forces us onto a spiritual quest. It’s the catalyst. As Thich Nhat Hanh said,
“in the sunlight of awareness, everything becomes sacred.”
Even our burnout can become a teacher if we pay attention.
So, what have we lost by not having more sacredness in our lives? We have lost our peace. And peace is the most precious wealth in the world. For this very reason, my current LinkedIn banner states:
“There is no greater wealth in this world than peace of mind.”
See it here and connect.
Without it, we cannot serve others or ourselves in our highest possible way. We just spin on the hamster wheel, wondering why we’re so tired but getting nowhere.
Your Practical Pause: A 5-Minute Business Strategy
This isn’t woo-woo; it’s the most practical productivity hack you’ll ever adopt. Your sacred pause is your strategic advantage. It’s what prevents burnout and fuels authentic creativity.
Here’s how to start, today:
Set a timer for 5 minutes. Do this before you check email or social media.
Ask yourself just one of Rainn’s questions: “What is holy to me personally in my work or life today?” or “Where can I find a pocket of the sacred in my schedule?”
Listen. Not with your brain, but with that feeling in the center of your chest. The first answer that arises without ego—that’s your truth.
Protect it. That thing that came up? That’s your new non-negotiable. It is more important than one more email.
When I started doing this, everything changed. I didn’t work less; I worked better. My creativity became more focused, my energy more sustainable, and my connection with my clients more genuine because I was no longer running on empty. I was serving from a place of overflow.
I regained my peace. And from that place of quiet wealth, everything else flows.
What is one thing that is sacred in your work and life? Share it in the comments below. Let’s create a living library of what truly matters.
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With love and alignment,
Cristof (and Sophia)