040: How to Connect Leadbox with Your ConvertKit Form that has a Checkbox

Hello there!

So you want your Leadpages/Leadbox opt-in box set-up in such a way that when someone clicks on it, a form pops up that has a checkbox AND it feeds into a tag inside ConvertKit? Then this video + blog post show you how to do that.

Something that looks like this:

View fullsize

Watch the video to see me walk you through all the steps

Step 1: Open up the form in ConvertKit that you want connected to your Leadbox. Or Create a new form.

Note: When you integrate a third party app like Leadbox/Leadpages with ConvertKit you will most likely need to connect it with a ConvertKit Form/Tag/Sequence. In this case, we will be using a form. What this means is that when someone subscribes by clicking your Leadbox, the information is then fed into ConvertKit. (You will need to make sure that your Leadpages account is connected with ConvertKit using API - this step is not shown in the video).

Step 2: (Optional but recommended) Customize the form to fit the Leadbox pop-up style. You will go into ConvertKit Form -> Style -> Custom CSS

Copy the code below:

.ck_powered_by { display: none !important; }
.ck_form {box-shadow: none; }
.ck_form {
  border-top: none; 
  border-bottom: none; }
.ck_form { background: #fff; border: none !important; }
.ck_form_content, .ck_form_fields { padding: 1%; }
.ck_form_content h3 { text-align: center; }
.ck_form_content, .ck_form_fields { float: none; width: 100%; }

You don't have to do this styling. But it helps to add this code so that when the Leadbox is clicked it pops open a form that fits the sleek sytle of a leadbox. This (step 2) is completely optional but I highly recommend it.

Step 3: In Leadpages Account, create your leadbox or open up an existing one. Style the form the way you want it.

Step 4: While still working with the Leadbox, replace the form that's there with HTML block. Delete the Opt-in Form section that was in-built there.

Step 5: Jump into your ConvertKit Form. Click on Embed -> then Raw HTML. Copy the entire Raw HTML.  You will be pasting this code into the Leadbox but before that open up a text editor.

Step 6. In a text editor, like Pages on the Mac or Word on a PC, paste the entire Raw HTML code. This is because it is easier to work with the Raw HTML code when you can see it better in a text editor. You will copy it all in the end and bring it into Leadbox eventually.

Step 7. Look for the section that starts with <button class. Right above it, paste the code for a checkbox.

Here's that code:

<!-- Begin Checkboxes -->
      <div class="ck_control_group">
        <label style="display: block; margin-top: 10px">
          <input type="checkbox" name="tags[]" value="444444" /> Yes, send me your weekly newsletter. 
        </label>
      </div>
      <!-- End Checkboxes -->

Step 8. Make sure to update the tag value. This is very important. The way to do it is to click on the tag inside ConvertKit that you want the checkbox data to go to. Then look in the URL for the tag value. See steps 2 and 3 in Blog Video 039 that shows you how to do this visually.

Step 9. Now copy all of this Raw HTML code including the checkbox code

Step 10. Now paste it into your Leadbox. Specifically into the HTML code box. (Click the pencil icon to edit).

Step 11. Click save. Then click Publish. Click the Button Link. Stylize it. Click Get Code and then copy it.

Step 12. Jump into your Squarespace website or wherever you want the Leadbox to show up. Add a Code block. Then paste the code you grabbed from your Leadbox. Click save. Refresh the page. And test the form by adding in your info and checking your ConvertKit account to see that it is working.

That's it. You are done! Watch the video I've created as it may be easier to understand what I mean when I demonstrate the steps visually. Let me know in the comments if there's something unclear and I will help you out!

Thank you for watching. Also, I'd love to know what other questions you have so I can answer them in my next tutorials. 

Thanks, Sophia

Related Videos:

039: How to Add a Checkbox to your ConvertKit Opt-in Form?

Hello there,

ConvertKit forms collect names and emails. But you can also have checkboxes giving people a chance to choose something specific. Or you can use checkboxes to give your subscriber the option to opt-into your newsletter and/or marketing emails and offers. And then that info feeds into a tag inside your ConvertKit account

The EU regulation, the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) goes into effect on Friday May 25th, 2018. I won't got into all of the regulation requirements because I am not legally qualified but I can show you technically how to do some of the things towards becoming compliant. One of the things that online entrepreneurs are putting into place is a way to get consent from new subscribers right on their opt-in forms.

If you are using ConvertKit, then this video is right for you. I will show you how to enable one or more checkboxes on your form. And then also how to tag those who select the check-box.

Note: To get GDPR compliant, make sure to get your own legal advice based on the needs of your business and the location of your business. 
 

Task:
adding checkboxes to a ConvertKit Form, feed that info into a tag

Purpose/Use Cases:
+ to give subscriber a choice for opting-in to a newsletter or marketing offers.
+ make opt-in forms GDPR compliant (EU law effective May 25, 2018).
+ to give subscriber choice of other supplementary content like additional Free PDFs.
+ to tag subscriber based on preferences (give them checkboxes to self-select tags). [Thanks Jason Troyer for your question in the comments].

Code needed:
Yes

Related Videos:
Blog 040: How to Add Checkbox to a ConvertKit form that is integrated with Lead Pages 
Blog 041: My exact email for refreshing consent from my existing subscribers for the GDPR EU law.

Scroll to the bottom of the blog to see Video Tutorial!

There's a video showing you the steps below. But here is quick summary of what you've got to do:

Note: You will need to use the Raw HTML to embed your ConvertKit form to your website or if you are using Leadpages, then into Leadpages. This is because of the customization that we need to do in order to make checkboxes happen in ConvertKit forms.

Summary of Steps

1. Decide how many checkboxes you want and what the text will be.
2. For each checkbox, create a corresponding tag. So for example, if the first checkbox says "Yes, I want your newsletter", then have a tag that says "Consent - Newsletter". 
3. Click on each tag and note down the tag id that shows up in the url. (see video)
4. Create a new form or open an existing form on which you want the check-box. Style it like you want it just like a regular form. Hit Save ALWAYS after making a change.
5. Go into Embed tab, and grab the Raw HTML.
6. Then go to your website, where you want this form to appear. In Squarespace, you will use the code block to paste this Raw HTML code.
7. Next, in the Raw HTML, look for the section that starts with <button class =
8. Right above it, paste the following code but look at step 9 and 10 for customizing:

<!-- Begin Checkboxes -->
      <div class="ck_control_group">
        <label style="display: block; margin-top: 10px">
          <input type="checkbox" name="tags[]" value="444444" /> Yes, send me your weekly newsletter. 
        </label>
      </div>
      <!-- End Checkboxes -->

9. Where it says, value= "444444", repalce the "444444" with the tag id that corresponds to the first checkbox.
10. Adjust the text, "Yes, send me your weekly email newsletter." to fit what you want the checkbox to contain.
11. Save and test.

Bonus steps if you want to add another checkbox: 

12. To add another checkbox, duplicate part of the code from above and customize it using step 9 and 10. 
<label style="display: block; margin-top: 10px">
         <input type="checkbox" name="tags[]" value="444445" /> Yes, send me emails about your online program and other marketing offers.
       </label>

13. So the entire code for having two checkboxes will look like this:

<!-- Begin Checkboxes -->
      <div class="ck_control_group">
        <label style="display: block; margin-top: 10px">
          <input type="checkbox" name="tags[]" value="444444" /> Yes, send me your weekly newsletter.
        </label>
        <label style="display: block; margin-top: 10px">
          <input type="checkbox" name="tags[]" value="444444" /> Yes, send me your emails about your online program.
        </label>
      </div>
      <!-- End Checkboxes -->

14. Save and test.

Watch Steps 1 - 11 in this Video

If you want to integrate your ConvertKit forms with Leadpages and have checkboxes, then look for my other blog post that I will be publishing on this very topic. (Until then, just follow the above steps and paste all the code into the HTML block inside Leadpages. Make sure to test it). 

So that's it. I hope this is useful. Share your comments + questions below.
 

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Related Videos:

Marta Raptis - Website Designer & Photographer

It is such a delight when a colleague writes you nice words. Thank you, Marta

Sophia has a keen eye for aesthetics and is a great person to work with. She's very knowledgeable about the ins and outs of Squarespace and can be trusted to get a design job done in a professional manner. As her colleague, I'd recommend her in a heartbeat for your next project. Plus, she's very personable and a great listener. 

- Marta Raptis, Website Designer & Photographer. www.martaraptis.com

10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

10 Steps To Building A New Meditation Habit

Photo by Jay Castor

We all know the benefit of meditation, especially a daily meditation practice. It has good effects for our health, our mind, our relationships and practically every aspect of our lives. So if we know it is good for us, why can't we do meditation every single day, without struggling to fit it into our daily hectic lives?

There are many answers to this question. We may intellectually know that meditation is good but don't have enough personal experience with it to seal the deal, so to speak. Or we may not have easy access to a meditation practice. Or we may not know how to go about picking a meditation that fits our life. Or we may not know how to build a daily habit. We may think that because of physical illness we cannot do meditation. Or that we need to sit cross-legged in order to do it in the first place. And there are plenty more reasons...

So how does one go about navigating this new world of meditation? Here are some tips that can help you tap into the juicy benefits of a daily meditation practice that await you.

1. Try different kinds of meditation

If you are just starting out, I highly recommend that you take a taste of the various kinds of meditations there are out there. You can try breath awareness, yoga nidra, mindful walking meditation, body scan technique, creative visualizations (I've got tons of free videos on my YouTube Channel for you here), shamanic meditation, anapana meditation, loving kindness meditation, gratitude meditation, vipassana meditation and so on. Try meditations with music or without music. Just see what you feel drawn to and start there. You don't have to try all. Just find one that you like to begin with and then you will find that the right practice will emerge for you in time.

Here's one

2. Start small

An important tip that can help you on your meditation journey is to start small, especially if just the idea of sitting for a long period of time causes you unease. Even just one minute is good enough. You can always progress into longer sessions. But what is more important in building a practice is consistency. So I'd suggest that I'd rather have you meditating 1 min every day of the week rather than an entire hour once a month. You will find it much better to ease into a longer practice by being aware of your current needs. Here's an example of a short meditation in a moment:

3. You don't have to sit cross-legged

This one is such a big myth. You don't have to be an acrobat or any where close to accomplished in twisting your body in any way. You do not have to sit cross-legged during meditation. Yes, sitting with a straight back vs hunching over is a good idea. But what's most important is to sit comfortably. Find a position that your body feels good in and start there. It That means, you are allowed to sit on a chair or a couch or a bed or anywhere that feels good. You can lean against the wall, use cushions and any support you need to keep your body relaxed. And now point 4 is the big one:

4. You can change your position

There's such a misconception out there that during meditation you've got to sit in one position without moving and force yourself to stay still. This is not a gentle approach and in my experience not beneficial in building a practice. See, if you need to move, move. You need to stretch your legs, do it. You need to change your position do it. Over time, it will become easier to sit in one position for long stretches of time. But don't force yourself into it, especially not as you are starting out. So be gentle and move when you need to.

5. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts

This one was my biggest hurdle for the longest time. I heard Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle talk about the gap or the space between thoughts and it just frustrated me because all I experienced was a series of thoughts. No space between the thoughts! It felt like a far away dream to have no thoughts during meditation. Thankfully, I found out that meditation is not about getting rid of thoughts, rather it is about observing them. You observe the arising and disappearing of thoughts. Over time, the frequency of thoughts naturally declines and you get less and less thoughts. But that happens organically, naturally. You don't have to get rid of your thoughts - that is once again forcing things to be what they are not. So, don't get rid of thoughts, just observe them!

6. Do live in-person meditation sessions at a yoga studio

A really good way of starting a meditation practice is to go to an in-person studio where meditation sessions are held. A possible starting point is your local yoga studio or your local YMCA. For those of you living near Boone, North Carolina, you can try out Neighborhood Yoga Studio. They have many possibilities for meditation sessions. You can also come to my in-person workshop at the Appalachian Regional Library in Boone where I am doing free workshops (sponsored by the Library). 

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Try my Daily Live Sessions:

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7. Go on a 9 or 10 day retreat

I dabbled in meditation for five years before I went to my first 10 day meditation retreat. Of course, as much as I'd like to have done it earlier, I had to arrive at the right time for it to happen. This retreat was pivotal in my meditation journey because it was total immersion in one type of meditation; in this case, it was vipassana. A full-immersion meditation retreat that is all about learning and practicing meditation. And that's a great way to get started as a beginner because you learn the foundations of the practice from step zero and then go on to build it. You also find out quickly if this type of meditation jives with you or if you should rather move on in your search for a meditation practice.

Two recommendations:
1. Dhamma.org for 10 day meditation retreat to learn vipassana meditation inspired by S.N.Goenka, Burmese Indian follower of Burmese teacher U Ba Khin and his teacher, Burmese Monk Webu Sayadaw. They have retreats all around the world.
I've done three of these retreats in the past two years (two 10 day retreats as participant and one 5-day retreat as a server).

2. Buddhist Society of Western Australia: 9 Day meditation retreat in the tradition of Thai Forest Monks led by Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Brahmali.
This one I'd like to do in this year.

8. Use triggers and tracking to build your new habit

Once you've honed in on the one meditation practice that you want to focus on, use the best information out there about building a new habit. Leo Babauta with his Sea Change Program and Shawn Achor in his book, The Happiness Advantage teach how to build new habits. What has worked for me is a two-pronged approach to building my habit: 1: use triggers and 2: use tracking calendar. Create a system in which you use triggers to build your habit and then track it every day. A trigger example: After waking up in the morning, brush teeth. For me, I apply this to meditation. After breakfast in the morning, meditate one hour. Use the tricks and processes that productivity and personal development masters have identified to build your new habit. Blog: How to use systems to build your meditation practice.

9. Try guided creative visualizations.

I've found, both for myself and for the individuals in my live workshops, that creative visualizations are a great place to start. A lot of us begin our meditation journey by going straight into a silent meditation practice. If it works for you, great. But for many of us that seems really daunting. We are overpowered by our thoughts and feel frustrated by the process. You can always give silent meditation a try but don't allow the challenges you face there to deter you from doing your meditation practice. Just give guided creative visualization a chance. These are great because they serve as a stepping stone to silent meditation
They are much easier because you are using the voice of the meditation guide to literally guide your mind to focus on a a limited set of thoughts. If you don't connect with creative visualizations, that's fine too. Just go with other guided meditations such as the ones by Abraham Hicks or Jon Kabat-Zinn. See Blog: Why guided meditations are a useful stepping stone to silent meditation practice.

Here's one example of a creative visualization:

10. Be in nature

Take time off to be in nature as often as you can. Stroll around in a park or in other natural settings and just watch the sky, the trees, the waves, streams or the landscape. What does this have to do with building a meditation practice? Well, nature has an amazing effect for calming the mind. The effect of being in nature continues to help you when you sit down to meditate.

11. Be kind to yourself

Finally and, I'd even say most importantly, it's crucial that you stay kind to yourself. Meditation is habit and a new enhancement of your lifestyle. There will be challenges but you've got to help yourself trust the process. Don't use meditation to hurt yourself. As you move through the habit building phase, let go of expectations and be kind to the process of calming the mind. Be especially, kind and patient when you miss a day of practice. I used to be filled with guilt when that happened and now I am much more kind to myself in that regard.

So, my friend, I hope these 10 tips are helpful to you as you build your meditation practice. Feel free to jot down your questions in the comments. Let me know what challenges have you face when building a new meditation practice.

Inner-Peace Chats: Get My Help To Carve Your Meditation Habit Plan

Building a daily meditation habit has been a life-changing phenomenon in my life as I see its healthy effects in all aspects of my life, including a big drop in mental and emotional stress, almost zero worrying and a deeper sense of ease about life and its many challenges.

I want to create resources on reflectionpond.com to help you live a more harmonious, peaceful life. And so I'd like to help you create your customized Meditation Habit Plan. This is part of my Inner-Peace Chat series where I speak with you via a video call (such as on skype or zoom) and find out a bit more about your lifestyle so we can customize your meditation habit plan. 

This is something very useful if you are starting out brand new or have been dabbling in meditation for a while but now want to get into a daily habit. I will identify how you can build a system to make meditating a no-brainer activity. And I will also share from my meditation journey of 8 years so that you can understand why it's been challenging to build this habit. At the end of our one hour session, you will know exactly what to do in order to incorporate your unique meditation practice into your life.

Based on what you need in the moment, in this Inner-Peace Chat, I will guide you through a process and a meditation to help you understand what is blocking you from building a daily habit and how you change it to truly benefit from a continued practice.

I invite you to take this opportunity, which at the moment, is the only way to get one-to-one time with me. 

So are you in? Go here to see a bit more detail and reserve your spot.

Why a 15 min daily meditation session is good enough?

Photo by Bryan Minear

Hello there my friend,

You know that meditation is good for you. But you've got a busy, very busy life. Just finding time to have lunch seems sometimes difficult for you because of all the things that need to get done. Then you here that meditation helps you and that an hour a day is the recommended time for really good results. And you think, "One hour? Are you out of your mind? Just the thought of doing meditation for an hour is making me anxious. I don't think meditation is for me!".

Please don't throw the whole meditation thing out just because you cannot do the "recommended" hour. I used to think that way and it really slowed down the process for me. I would think that because I can't do the full hour, why bother?

But, you know, it doesn't have to be a full hour. Just a few moments of mindfulness is good enough. Even just a minute several times a day can help you train your mind to become stronger, calmer and more able to deal with your life.

That's what I realized when I read the author Jon Kabat-Zinn's book, "Wherever you go, there you are." I did my first little book review back in 2010 on YouTube where I share how it was so liberating to know that I can just be fully present for a moment and that is already good enough.

So start there: Take it moment-by-moment.

Now, let's say you have been doing this "momentary" mindfulness exercises where you are fully in the present with whatever you are doing and now you want to take it to the next level, so to speak.

Then, I suggest that you think of investing 10-15 minutes towards calming your mind daily. Yes, d.a.i.l.y. A daily practice helps you ingrain the process of meditation in your mind. You will be building the mediation muscle by repeating this every single day. Just like any physical training, or learning anything new takes repetition, so does meditation.

Someone in my Live in-person workshop said that they have it harder to be calmer when the meditate by themselves. And that triggered a series of inspired thoughts for me. I thought, "How about offering a live meditation session every single day at the same time to help people like this one participant who wants to meditate every day but finds it hard to do without some support?" 

And the answer was as resounding yes. Starting on Monday, March 19th 2018, I've begun a daily LIVE meditation session called Daily Meditation with Sophia on YouTube.

Here's a link to the YouTube Channel where you can see the upcoming scheduled events. Or start of with these below:

These live sessions take place every single day at 12 noon ET. I start off with 2-3 minutes of introductory banter and then jump right into the meditation so that you can have at least 10-12 minutes before it's time to wrap up at 12:15 pm. I do stay on to chat more, share a few tips and answer any questions from the chat - until around 12:20-12:30pm. Then it's off to lunch!

I've designed these sessions to last from 12 noon til 12:15pm so that anyone on a tight lunch break schedule can take a sip of calm and then go eat something and head back to work. It's meditation for a busy lifestyle which seems everyone seems to have these days. It gives you enough of a break to build a daily practice without being overwhelming which a long 30 minute or an hour long session can feel. 

So do come and join me or catch a recording each day:

Also if you'd like to learn how to become a Patron of Reflection Pond and of these daily meditations, take a look here.

Why you cannot get rid of karma and what to do about it

Photo by Ashley Batz

More and more of us are becoming aware of how "karma" is universal; not connected to any one spiritual tradition. I can see that from the stats on my blog. 33% of visitors on my site are interested in my blog post on how to break karmic patterns. Clearly, we are realizing that karma is active in our lives and we want to do something about it. We want to get rid of karma.

One of the reasons we want to do that is because somehow the word has spread, especially in Western countries, that Karma = results of our bad actions in the past or in a past life. Karma then creates fear. Are we then subject to the unknown bad actions of our past life? Are the bad actions of our current life irreparable and we are destined to suffer from its consequences? This is not fully descriptive because it is incomplete and as a result this way of looking at karma is inaccurate. It just creates fear and anxiety and is not really productive.

So then what is Karma? And how can one get rid of it? First, I've got to say that we cannot get rid of karma. Why? Because karma is an inherent part of how life works and we cannot get 'rid' of it. It's like saying, "I keep falling when riding a bicycle. I want to get rid of gravity". Ridiculous, right? In the same way, it would be like saying, "I fell into a karmic trap. I want to get rid of karma."

Once we realize what karma is, then we will understand how silly it is to want to get rid of karma. Karma, in short, is a cycle of cause and effect. What you sow, you shall reap. If you plant a seed for a mango tree, you will get a mango tree (all other conditions for its growth sufficing), not an apple tree. This essentially is karma. It is like gravity. It is part of the structural nature of life. 

So then, instead of getting rid of karma, we can work towards understanding how karma works and how to use it for our spiritual progress. There are ways to lessen the effect of past karma and create a better future for us in this very life and also in the next life. These ways have been identified in many, varied ancient spiritual traditions and written about by many well-known authors of our current time. Deepak Chopra is one of the most read authors and if you like to go deeper on his approach you can read my in-depth blog post where I detail the many aspects of the Law of Karma and how to break karmic patterns.

How does karma work?

How does karma really work? And how can we use our understanding of it to reduce the negative impact of old bad karma?

Simply said, karma just describes the process of cause and effect in our lives. We think good thoughts and take good actions and it results in the appreciation of good actions and thoughts in our lives. (Appreciation, in this context, means expansion of or an increase in). Similarly, when we take on bad actions, we get bad results.

Good thoughts + good actions = good results

Bad thoughts + bad actions = bad results

So the equation is easy to understand, isn't it? And so, to create good conditions for us in the future, we have to sow good seeds of good thoughts and good actions. This is not just about giving a donation or helping out a friend, although those are wonderful things to do. What this also means is how we respond to a certain situation, how we dissolve negative emotion through present moment awareness, how we practice forgiveness, detachment and equanimity and kindness to ourselves and others.

This is about how we think, how we handle stress and how we deal with disappointments. It is about creating a way of life that is wholesome, beneficial to our well-being and of the people, animals and environment we effect. This is not something we learn in school, although some schools in India I have heard are teaching secular values. If we are lucky, this would be something we absorb from our parents, teachers and religious institutions. It's a skill, like a muscle, that can be trained and developed.

When we learn to practice sowing the good seeds, we find that things in our lives develop more harmoniously. Relationships get better, our health improves. And problems get less intense. But problems and challenges are a part of life and they do sprout from time to time. However, because of the good seeds we are sowing, we find it easier to deal with those new problems. So for instance, if we are dealing with a crisis or a challenge, we find that we have more mental and emotional energy and inner-resilience to deal with it. We don't become distraught, overwhelmed or feel helpless like we may have felt before. We find a deep inner-strength and mental focus and resilience that helps us to handle that new situation more positively and constructively.

Reducing old bad karma

Alright, that seems like a recipe for creating good karma. But how about reducing the impact of bad karma from current life or of those from other lives? There are times in our lives when we realize that there is challenge that we are finding hard to overcome. For instance, it could be a health situation that you are facing. Or it may be that you find yourself in an unending cycle of similar situations over and over again. A good example of this is finding a 'perfect' partner but then breaking up, finding a 'perfect' partner and then breaking up. After a while you realize, "hey, this is clearly a pattern", and you begin to research ways to get out of it. This karmic pattern can also take the form of a series of similar emotional challenges. I've in the past, for instance, found myself in the cycle of worry, especially, around my cats. Clearly, my cats and my relationship with them is part of a karmic cycle and I've worked hard on breaking that old pattern I kept falling into. 

Dealing with unknown roots of karma

And what if we don't know what bad karma we did or are continuing to do unknowingly which is causing us to fall in to the same patterns. Is there a way to break this old karmic pattern or are we destined to 'suffer the consequences'? 

Thankfully, from my experience, and from my studies of Buddhist thought and great thinkers and writers, the answer is: yes. Yes, we can influence the effect of our bad karma; both in reducing it's negative effect on us and in making us more capable of handling them.

Before I give you some processes and inspiration on how you can approach this, I want you to consider some people out there in the world who you would not have imagined to be cheerful and happy. I've seen inspirational talks by people who have no arms and legs doing wonderful things to encourage and inspire young people with their stories. And they seem so content with their situation. I can hardly imagine the physical let alone emotional challenges one might face dealing with such a life circumstance. But instead of feeling hopeless and helpless, these inspiring leaders have walked through the tunnel and come out on to the other side. They have made peace with their reality and taken massive steps to make the best of their situation to help and inspire others. They are the shining examples of how we can overcome negative karma and thrive in our lives.

Here's an approach towards healing the effects of bad karma and breaking old karmic patterns. How do you know you are in a karmic pattern? There are two ways to find that out. One: You keep falling into the same problem over and over again. And two: You've been facing the same problem for a very long time.

To break this bad karma, you need to:

1. Recognize the pattern:
Identify what exactly is going on and notice if you keep running into a similar problem.  Do you always find yourself broke? Do you keep falling for the same type of guy and it ends up not working out? Do you constantly get overlooked for a promotion at work? Does your business always seem to be running out of clients?

2. Take responsibility for it:
Once you identify the problem, take responsibility for it. Remember this is not about blaming or criticizing yourself. But it is about recognizing that there were certain knowable or unknowable thoughts/actions you took in your past that is resulting into this situation. Be very kind to yourself in this stage, especially, when it comes to ill-health or other things that we experience, we often fall into guilt, thinking we are the cause of it. No, this is not about making you guilty for it. But it is about helping you see that you can take positive actions to create a more harmonious life for you in the future.

3. Reflect on possible counter-actions:
Now you can take some time to reflect on what counter-actions you can take to turn around the pattern you keep falling in to. So for instance, if you constantly feel broke, brainstorm what actions you can take to break that feeling. One hint in coming up with some counter-actions is the golden rule. Begin by thinking, what could I do for somebody else in a similar situation? So in this example, you might come up with: help my friend who is also dealing with feeling broke to come up with some income-generating ideas, or learn about budgeting and share it on a blog. I'll get really person here and share that I kept falling into a deep negative thought pattern of sad thoughts and depression. So I started this blog you are reading, to help others dealing with a similar situation get out of negative thoughts and cultivate more healthy, mental habits. Thinking about what you can do for someone in your shoes, is a great inspiration for new action. 

One example of this are very inspiring: Denise Duffield Thomas who created the Money Mindset Bootcamp, wanted to create financial abundance for herself and her family. So she started teaching other women how to do so and she broke out of her old pattern of being broke.

4. Take positive action:
Now that you have reflected on what good actions you can sow, you can begin to schedule specific days and times in your calendar to actively take those actions. This is really key because we all have very busy lives and if things are not carefully planned, often they don't get done, especially, things like taking new positive action. Get a friend or partner to be your accountability partner if you need it. But get going on this as soon as you can.

5. Cultivate present moment awareness:
This may be the most powerful of them all along with step no. 3-4. Cultivating present moment awareness is all about learning to be in the present moment. When you are doing something, bring your complete attention to what you are doing. Fully listen to the other person instead of planning the next sentence you want to say. Practicing meditation is great way to learn how to do this because you learn to calm your mind, learn to be aware of your breath and to be an observer of what is.

So this is a good starting point on how to begin breaking your negative karma and build good karma. Remember that karma is not your enemy and you don't need to be afraid of it, just like you don't need to be afraid of gravity, or the sun. Once you understand how it can be used positively in your life, you realize that karma is actually your friend.

In the comments, share with us what repeating pattern are you noticing in your life? And if you've figured out ways to break it?

Create Your Masterplan of Action (not available anymore)

To help you find out how you can identify your karmic patterns and then create your custom plan of action to break out of those patterns and build better patterns, I'm starting a new one-to-one offering called the Inner-Peace Chats.

In this session, I offer you my presence and guide you on how identifying what you are stuck at, what the karmic pattern you've found yourself in and how to break out of it. This is one of the key foundations for cultivating deeper inner-peace and sense of resilience.

The Inner-Peace Chat is a comforting conversation during moments where you feel weak, distraught or simply in need of an uplifting boost. And according to what you need in the moment, I will guide you through a process and a meditation to help you deal with the impact of the Karmic pattern and help you move through it.

It will be an hour-long process and you will receive in your inbox a customized plan of action that will help you ground your new realization and create new karmic seeds for greater harmony and resilience in your life.

Reflection Quote 005 : Emerson on being yourself

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson's work is for me truly inspirational because here you have an American author born more than 200 hundred years ago in Boston who through his writings is sending us a message that revolves around trusting our intuition, being grateful, following our heart and making efforts to live a happy, compassionate life. It couldn't be more timely! 

There are many quotes from Emerson that make us ponder. In another blog post, I've already written a bit about this quote, ”Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” 

The quote at hand today, may resonate with you as much as it does with me. Emerson is asking us to be ourselves even though all the forces of the external world are continuously trying to change us into something inauthentic. We all know first-hand the world we live in which seems to value people fitting in, not rocking the boat, going with the flow of what already exists. Some families and schools discourage their kids from standing out, expressing themselves, even from asking questions. We are to follow the norm.

Photo by Ahmed Saffu

Herd Mentality

We do so much of this⏤following the norm⏤growing up that we even don't realize that we are doing it. In our minds, we may be the trendsetter or the trailblazer but in our actions, we stay the course of what we think will be agreeable. Just notice this in our world and it will be easy to see. For instance, next time you go to a movie theatre, be alert to the traffic patterns of people. I've noticed at least three instances of "herd mentality" in the movies. The first is when the movie ends. Everyone is rushing out of the theatre and you can see that some people want to stay and watch the end credits but feel a silent pressure to stand up and leave. And the second is when they follow the others when coming out of the aisle, even if those before them take a longer route out.

And the third is when people are actually leaving the theatre building. There are crowds of people who want to exit the building but they will all follow the guy ahead of them and even wait a long while until all those ahead of him are out; while three other sets of doors are completely empty, waiting to be opened. I've noticed this at airports, at grocery stores and bookstores. No one wants to be the first one to lead and go out the other, completely open sets of doors. 

What could be the reason for this? People just don't care so much about leaving the building? Or they are not reflective or alert of their surroundings to notice that there are other options? Or they don't want to stand out by being the lone wolf walking through the other doors while everyone else watches them? Or perhaps, other completely different reasons are at play?

Something To Show For It

Regardless of the reason, this is a kind of inability to think for ourselves. I know myself how awkward it feels at an airport to take a new path, especially, when traveling in a new country and not knowing how things are meant to be set up. It is about taking a chance. And it's about being okay to be vulnerable and gawked at by strangers. But it is also about having invested the time to reflect on ourselves and being true to ourselves.

Some years ago, I spoke on the phone with a childhood friend of mine with whom I had lost contact for 10-15 years. We were catching up and sharing details of our lives with each other. At one point, he said to me, "Yea, I'm married, have two kids...well, I am 35 and should have something to show for it, right?". He said it as if those events in his life were his report card or progress report for his age and that he needed to have that in order to earn the right to be 35. I was so taken back by this statement that I just smiled and moved on with the conversation.

Needless to say, I was delighted that he had all those things but I would be just as happy for him if he were a lone wanderer of the globe with no partner and no steady job ⏤ as long as he was happy. I don't know how much of the herd mentality or social norms he was following and how much was part of his own life trajectory. One never knows the whole story so I am certainly not going to make conclusions. But his statements did make me think.

How Not Being Ourselves Shows Up

How about you? Are you aware of how herd mentality shows up in your life? I've certainly found myself trying to unearth what I truly want vs. what I think is expected of me. Here are some example of herd mentality from my own life and from observing others:

Not being truly ourselves can show up in many ways. Here is a selection:
1. Saying yes to invitations and requests when I actually want to say no.

2. Taking on a new project for a client when I actually would prefer taking on another instead.

3. Doing the 9-5 day schedule even as a freelancer or solopreneur working from home and can comfortably set your own hours. (I've felt so bad when I've started my day at 10am instead of 9 or 8 even if I may, on that same day work many more hours than an 8 hour corporate job).

4. Sending out greeting cards because that's what's done instead of that being something you truly want to do. Hey, I'm actually going to be selling postcards in my Shop soon and I love writing cards so I'm all for writing cards. But only when I truly want to; not because that's what is done. Although, I have felt bad at times for skipping on the annual Holiday cards in December. I hope that people who buy my postcards are not burdened by cultural obligations).

5. Not expressing your preferences about your own life out of concerns of being rejected. This one is tough and I've been here many a times. We want to be loved and accepted and we fear that expressing our own choices (which we know may not be liked by the people we want the love and acceptance from) will make us disliked and even ostracized from a community.

6. Having an emotional crisis when faced with the opportunity of adopting 7 cats, even though you have the space and resources to care for them all. This one is very personal! The stress and worry of being thought weird by my family or friends or being pejoratively looked down upon as the "crazy cat-lady" by neighbors was very real. (This is something I dealt with last spring (2017) and I am so happy I share that I did overcome the social bias and we now have 7 beautiful kittens :-) living with us happily. Today, March 9th is infact their one year birthday! Yayy!

7. Wearing heels, putting on makeup, wearing tight clothes and dying our hair all out of concerns of being perceived beautiful and well-groomed not so much out of our own desire towards what we want. Wearing flats to a wedding in 2011 was a big event for me. (It took me a while to finally say goodbye to all these. Not dying my black hair when silver and grey strands are appearing has been the hardest one for me. I've rarely seen a woman in her 30's with grey hair and the ladies in their 40's, 50's, and 60's seem to still have perfectly pitch black or blonde hair.)

(If you dye your hair, know that I am not judging you and accept your choice to do so. What I am writing here is about people feeling authentic in who we are ⏤ for ourselves and not what others think we should do or how others think we should be. The societal norms about hair color does make it challenging to follow what feels right but I like not to have to fuss over my hair color. The last time I dyed my hair with an all natural dye, the color faded away with the next shower! Too much effort for something that just doesn't feel right for me.)

8. Shaving one's head bald. This is challenging for both men and women. Even cutting one's hair short is deemed problematic in some cultures, let alone shaving off all of one's hair. A friend of mine recently did this (for personal healing of an old wound) and she looks amazing!

9. What kind of job we should have, when we should have kids, that we should have kids, that we should be married, when we should be married, who we should love, where we should live...and so on. All these unspoken and at times open rules from others about how we should live our lives according to some other force, instead of our own choices ⏤ is a real source of pressure and mental anguish for so many.

I'm confident that if you take a look around and even reflect on your own life, you will see the pernicious effects of societal norms and how they influence your actions.

These unspoken worldly rules affect the things we do, the way we think, the way we buy and the way we relate to one another. At times, we may even find it hard to distinguish between our own needs and wants and what we think our parents, friends and the general societal expectations are of us. But it doesn't have to be. And being ourselves doesn't have to be scary. In fact, the more we follow our own heart, the more peaceful our lives become.

This could be the final clue that unlocks the riddle

I think, the key to being ourself is to remind ourself that we can be who we are (unless you are living in a nation where the laws prohibit it, which then is extremely challenging and dangerous). To take ownership of our life and our decisions is one of the gifts of being an adult. You can choose your own path. I remember being a kid and saying to myself that when I am an adult I will adopt many cats (now that I have 7 of them, I really am in 7th heaven!). Being an adult comes with a true freedom which we must take advantage of.

I don't care if you follow the herd in the movies or dye or hair because you feel peer-pressure. But for the things that are truly close to your heart, please dare to take a different path ⏤ your path. Know that you are allowed to make choices that feel aligned with what you want. If you want to travel and have been putting it off for years, now is the time to go after your dreams. If you've wanted to start a blog and write to share your insights, now is the time. Whatever it is that you want for your life, let no social norm or family pressures stop you. It may be the best gift you gave yourself⏤one that could be the key to your fully embracing yourself and finally, sipping from the delight that this life is. This could be the final clue that unlocks the riddle of your true happiness.

Please share your thoughts on this rather lengthy article! Thank you for reading it all the way and I wish you much peace and inspiration for being true to yourself. 

Peace,

Sophia

About the author of the quote:

"Ralph Waldo Emerson, American poet, essayist, and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson was born on May 25, 1803, in Boston, Massachusetts. After studying at Harvard and teaching for a brief time, Emerson entered the ministry. He was appointed to the Old Second Church in his native city, but soon became an unwilling preacher. Unable in conscience to administer the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper after the death of his nineteen-year-old wife of tuberculosis, Emerson resigned his pastorate in 1831." ― Poets.org

See a list of books written by Emerson here: Goodreads.com
You can read his essay, 'Self-Reliance' which is freely available at this archival site: Archive.vuc.edu

Other quotes by Emerson:

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles." 

”Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.” 

”To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

”What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” 

”Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – 

”The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and you have lived well.” 

”The only person you are destined to become is the person ou decide to be.”  

”Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” 

”Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” See my blog about this quote here.

J.J. Salem - Commercial Fiction Author & Blogger

It was such a delight to get this author all set up on ConvertKit and lay the groundwork so that his website was integrated with all his opt-ins/leadmagnets. At the end of our project, this is what he had to say:

---

I made the decision to go with ConvertKit for my new website, and Sophia made the transition seamless. The ConvertKit platform is a powerful tool and ultimately very user-friendly, but it made all the difference to have a certified expert walk me through the on-boarding process and handle the initial migration and tech set-up. Sophia is thoughtful, patient, and has a knack for providing the kind of detailed instruction that turns you loose with confidence and independence. A wise investment for my project!
- J.J. Salem, Commercial Fiction Author & Blogger

How to use inner-peace techniques to solve business problems

How to use inner-peace techniques to solve business problems

Photo by Sean McAuliffe

I've written extensively about creating inner-peace in our lives using meditation. Today, I want to share with you some inner-peace techniques that you can use in your business in order to nurture and grow it. You can extrapolate these ideas for applying it to an environment where you are employed as well. And I will have more specific articles for you as well.

The mirror

We all know that a business is a reflection of the people it is made of. How a business is run, how it's customers are treated and what kind of products and services it generates stems directly from the company's people, especially the leadership. This is ever more so true when you are small business owner or what is more and more common today, the solopreneur. (Solopreneur is a business owned by a single individual and perhaps a small team of freelancers). 

Just like life is a mirror of your inner mentalscape, so is your business. Your mindset and attitude towards life will directly affect your income; your impact and reach; and your sense of fulfillment you gain in your business. As they say, to create abundance physically in our lives, we must start with an abundant mindset. Similarly, to create a healthy and happy business, we need to have the right attitude towards our business. 

It all sounds really wonderful - change your attitude and change your life. But when the rubber hits the road, that's when we realize how difficult it is to implement this wisdom. When clients are being over-demanding, when your proposals your send out are coming back rejected, when your virtual assistant (VA) or teammate or business partner does a blunder, when your list is not growing as fast as you want or when your launch falls flat on its face, that's when emotions start flying. That's when stress and overwhelm begin. That's when feelings of, "I am not good enough" start arising. And this is when the seeds of self-doubt finds fertile ground to begin germinating.

Of course, with a daily meditation practice, you can help yourself handle business issues that arise with more calm, and more wisdom. But while you are building that habit and while the benefits of your practice accrue, it may take some time. So in the meanwhile, I've got some a simple tips for you, practical techniques that you can take up in different challenging business situations.

Inner-Peace Mental Technique:
Make peace with the business situation

I'd like to share with you an example from the real world that can help you see how to use this technique of making peace when a challenging situation comes up.
 

The Challenge
 Let's say that your are a web designer and you've started on a project for a client. You've sent her all the instructions on what she has to deliver back to you. Logos, about page text, example of sites she likes, features she absolutely want and all the other little details are to be filled out by her. You've blocked out two weeks to do this when you are not taking up any other client.

But you notice that things are trickling in very slowly and the client is dragging her feet in delivering all the content. You begin to feel a bit nervous about completing the project on time and about this delay pouring into your next project. You send reminder emails but it is not happening. Now it's two days before the start of the project and you still have nothing. You begin to feel strong negative feelings for this client. You start getting thoughts of, "Ah, I wish I didn't have this project. Why is it so complicated to get going on the project! Ah, I never prepared for this situation and so I am bad and being an entrepreneur" and so on...

So this certainly a difficult situation any one could be facing in a business. You've set up processes to improve efficiency because you are a solopreneur and have hundred different hats on. But then here comes a client who derails all that by delaying on just one aspect of the whole process - the starting content you need to begin your work.

Bringing compassion to yourself and the others
All you can do at first is make peace with the situation. The first thing to do is take some deep breaths and make peace with the situation. What this means is that you don't fight what's happening but instead you accept it. Yes, this client is not sending me the info. You loosen up your thoughts towards the client. You also accept the feelings that this is causing in you. Yes, I'm feeling stressed about this. I feel my forehead tightening and my shoulders feel restricted. Bring awareness in this way to what you feeling emotionally and how your body is feeling that emotion. 

When a situation like this happens, there are a couple of players involved. There's you, clearly and then there's the object that is causing the stress or the problem. In this case it's the client and her delay. But it could be a tech failure, or low capital, or miscommunication with an assistant or a collaborator. Whatever the "other" part of the equation is, is the object.
So now what you need to do is to loosen up your mental energy towards that "other" object. In this case, you notice your thoughts towards your client - anger, impatience, frustration, even hurt and disappointment. By observing those thoughts, you begin to loosen their grip. And then you can actively send loving energy to the object, in this case the client.

The way to do this is by closing your eyes and imagining the client's situation. It may be that this client was always told by her family that she will never amount to anything and she's worked so hard to find a niche, and work nights and weekends on this side business while keeping a full-time job. Now she is finally ready to get visible and be found and hence, she's hired you to make her a new website. But her sabotaging thoughts are coming to overwhelm her and become her own obstacle to success. You recognize this as a possible cause for the delay and you remember times when you too have had to overcome your sabotaging thoughts. You realize how challenging that is and there, a light of compassion emerges within you. You send that light to your client. I understand you. I know it's hard. I believe in you. It's alright. You are good enough.

This way, you notice that you are not so upset about the situation. You have compassion for this client. Poor client, how challenging it is to get out of our own way. I understand this. I send you my good, positive thoughts. I send you peace.

How can I help?
Now you've truly loosened your energy towards her. You may find that as soon as you do this, you get an flurry of emails with all the information you need. Or may be that doesn't happen. But then, you've freed yourself of the negative energy this situation caused in you. And now are beginning to get proactive. You start thinking, "What can I do to help this client?" So you decide to give her a quick call to find out what's stopping her. You realize that she herself is waiting on your freelancer to deliver her the logo and she felt too embarrassed to tell you that because she wanted to deliver a perfect report back to you with all complete content. 

Now that you know this, you break things down for her and you tell her the least necessary items you need in order to get going on your tasks. In this case, since you know the color palette and fonts of the logo, you can begin work even if the logo is not complete. This moves the process forward at least and breaks up the stagnant status the project was long sitting in.

You can see how you've now made peace with the situation and saved yourself from further delays. 

But let's say, the client never returns any info to you and you really cannot begin on the project. In this case, you can comfortably tell the client that you will have to push back on her project at the next available slot as you cannot loose time waiting. And these two weeks that you had blocked off, you can now use for taking care of other parts of your business like organizational issues, financial updates, blog content creation, updates on your website, etc. You actually are grateful for this "extra" time to catch up on some things you had to put off because of client projects. And you can then regroup with the client when she is ready.

Making peace with what is, is a piece of wisdom that comes in really handy when you are running a business. There are other tools of inner-peace and equanimity, that you can use in your business to move forward, increase your revenue and have greater impact with your business. As they say, mindset is key for success. If you'd like to learn more practical techniques like the one I shared today, see examples of how you can use it and get live help on your own business mindset challenges, come to my free Live Masterclass. More information on how you can sign up is here: 3 Mental Peace Techniques You Can Use To Grow Your Business.

Look forward to seeing you there. 'Til then, rock on, my friend!

Much peace,
Sophia

PS: Feel free to share in the comments one challenge you've been facing in your business which you know can be changed with some mental technique of dealing with it! 

038: How to link an image to a ConvertKit modal pop-up form in Squarespace?

Here's a video showing you just how to do that. Linking an image to a ConvertKit pop-up modal form. I've yet to experiment with how it is to have multiple images on the same page linked to different pop-ups. Until I play around with that, here's the video that shows you how to link one image to a form.

Also, if you want multiple forms to pop-up from buttons, here's the blog post with video tutorial on that: 
024: How to Create Multiple ConvertKit Forms on My Squarespace Page?

Okay, now the video tutorial: (Copy code on the bottom of the video)

Here's the bit of code you'll need:

<a href="#ck_modal" rel="ck_modal"><img src="grab the image url from the browser by right clicking on the image"/></a>
 

Do share with me a link of where and how you incorporated this. I'd love to know.

Peace,

Sophia

Building Your Sense Of Self-Worth Using SMST

Building Your Sense Of Self-Worth Using SMST

A powerful way to build a sense of self-worth in your life.

As working professionals, parents and online entrepreneurs with a vision, we all have a never-ending list of to-dos and projects. Running a business or a project, naturally means coordinating and managing multiple moving parts. At the same time, bringing a project to its completion is essential for feeling a sense of progress and a sense of accomplishment about our work which feeds into our sense of self-worth.

But more often than not, there’s a constant supply of things to do. Projects take weeks to complete and as soon as one hits completion, there’s another one on the horizon. When we are also juggling home and family duties along with personal care on top of our business and careers, then there seems to be no end to all the tasks that need to be done. This cycle ends up overwhelming us, draining our energy and over time it can zap our motivation and drive for the very things that we most wanted to accomplish.

Photo by Teddy Kelley

In the face of all of this never-ending lists of tasks, how then do we feel any sense of completion or progress?

Personally, I have felt this exact scenario play out over and over again in the course of last eight years. Thankfully, I have found for myself a solution that works. And I hope it will help you as well in building a sense of accomplishment and a track record that you can look back upon over the course of time.

Every day before I go to bed, I really like the feeling of “Ah, what a good day it was today.” And I noticed that if I had a long open list of to-dos hanging around at the end of my day, even after toiling the whole day to get things done, this good feeling of a job well done would evaporate, no matter how much I accomplished that day. It felt like I could never beat the magically-growing list of tasks. And that left me utterly unsatisfied with myself.

So this is what I came up with:

Choosing A SMST At The Start Of The Day
(or the day before if you can)

SMST stands for Single Most Satisfying Task. So, I started choosing the single most satisfying task to be done that day. Now there are two key parts of this phrase that I want to highlight:

1. Single: Yes, single! You must choose just one thing that you want to accomplish in that day, not any more. Now of course, you will most likely end up doing more than that one thing in that day. However, this is not about the entire list of to-dos. It is about picking the one thing that if you completed that day, will make you feel accomplished at the end of the day. So if everything goes wrong and you are not able to get to do all the things on your day schedule, you can say to yourself: “Ah, thank goodness, I at least got this one thing done.” So your day is always rescued from chaos - because you got at least one important step forward. And most likely, you will do plenty of other things any ways. But this one thing anchors you and gives you the feeling of progress. So it is important that this one thing is important to you which brings me to the next point:
    
2. Most Satisfying: This is a key phrase because not all tasks are created equal. Some will move you forward but you don’t care much about them in the big picture. This task has to be most satisfying in the sense that when, at the end of the day, you look back and see this one thing crossed off, you know that you have made real progress. Of course, this task can’t be too huge that it cannot be done in that one day. It also can’t be so huge that all other obligations and tasks of that day are neglected. There’s certainly got to be a balance.

The critical thing that can make this work is to start with what matters most to you. I’ve got more details on how to figure out what matters most to you in this blog post where you can also download a free worksheet. You can use it for both personal and business goals. After you complete this worksheet, in a matter of minutes you’ll know exactly what matters most to you and this will determine what is the most important task you have at hand.

Once you know what the most important project is, then you can more easily determine what is the SMST or the single most satisfying task is. So for example, from the above worksheet, you find out that writing your first book is what matters most to you. Then, you can set an achievable goal for each day; let’s say that's writing a 1000 words or showing up at your computer from 9am to 11am. There you have this clear goal. You sit down each day for an hour or two and produce these 2 pages (at least). After you accomplish your SMST, record this in your tracking calendar. Many productivity and habit coaches teach that tracking your new habit is a foundational element of building a habit because it creates a visual chain that you can see and don't want to break.

Now of course, during the rest of the day you will most likely produce a lot of other things and complete a lot of other tasks. But even if you don’t, you will have those 2 pages under your belt and you can then go to bed with a sense of satisfaction: “my day was productive. I got 2 pages forward in completing my book”. Then you see the results in your tracking calendar over time and that really makes you feel motivated to keep going.

Why us this SMST tool again?

This sense of satisfaction, completion and accomplishment comes in tiny bits each day and is crucial for a sense of self-worth. And it builds up over time. As you see all the key things you have done over time, you really begin to value yourself more. Why? Because you begin to respect yourself more: Oh, wow, look how I persevered daily for 6 months and created this x (end result such as a book). Of course, in the big picture you are worthy and valuable regardless of what you accomplish, because you are a precious human being. But at times we are not able to recognize that in ourselves and we feel useless or not a contributing member of society and that can bring us down. Or we feel so overwhelmed with everything that we cannot see all the things we are already doing that is of value and helpful to others. And so, such a daily device of SMSP is very useful in building a sense of self-worth and a daily sense of fulfillment with our lives. Not only do you build a sense of self-worth, you also get moving on your goals more easily!

So my dear friends, I have these two worksheets for you. One is to help you figure out what matters most to you. And the other is to help you daily identify your SMSP and then track its completion. You can put this in your bathroom or closet wall or right next to your computer.

Steps for using the SMST Self-Worth tool:

This is how you use it:

1. Find out what matters most to you.

You can choose one for personal and one for business or combine them into one. 
Ex: Being more active. Taking time for mental wellness. Writing a book.

2. Determine what task you can do to implement that into your life.
Ex: Writing everyday or Walking or Meditating everyday

3. Then identify the SMST or the single most satisfying task.
Ex: Walking for 20 minutes from 7 to 7:20am right after brushing teeth. 
(Shower and Breakfast is from 7:30 to 8:30)
Ex: Meditating for 30 minutes from 8:30 am to 9am right after breakfast.
Ex: Writing 2 pages from 9 am to 11 am right after meditating.

Tip: It is important to create triggers. A trigger is something that happens right before your new habit. So 'right after breakfast' or 'right after meditating' are both triggers. So once you have breakfast, you know what happens next. This is not something you have to think of each time, its' pre-decided and because you don't have to decide this every day, the new habit has an easier time to form.

If you create a clear trigger for your SMST then it is more likely to happen. I’ve found that it’s an easier way to build a new habit. As you can see in the above example, with triggers and clear tasks, you can even build three different habits on top of each other. Start with one habit at a time though. When that one's in place, add another. Don't go doing all three new habits at once - that's not sustainable in my experience.

4. Then, record and track it in your calendar (see free calendar download).
Ex: Walked for 20 minutes from 7:15 to 7:35am
Ex: Meditated for 30 minutes from 8:45 to 9:15. 
Ex. Wrote 1.5 pages from 9:15 am to 11am.
The idea behind tracking is to simply see how you did, not for judging yourself for being late or even for missing out on it completely.  Tracking encourages you to pick the habit again and keep going but if you miss, just start again.

Do this for at least a week and see how it feels. Give it a try and if you feel more accomplished continue it for another week. 

I hope my dear friend that this approach of choosing your daily Single Most Satisftying Task is helpful to you and that you will use the What matters most worksheet along with the Record & Track SMST calendar to build your sense of self-worth and a sense of completion and fulfillment at the end of the day.

So after going through the What Matters Most worksheet and the SMST Tracking Calendar, tell me in the comments, what is your SMST for today? I'd love to know!

037: How to remove the dotted line from your links in your ConvertKit emails?

Hello there!

This video is in answer to Janine's question. She asked how to remove the double lines that appeared in her emails under the link text. So here's a quick video showing you how to remove the lines.

In brief though, this is what you need to do:

1. Go to your custom template.
2. Look for the code addressing all links. It will look something like this:

a {
    text-decoration: underline;
     border-bottom: 1px dotted #0875c1;
    color: #59c4d9;
  }

3. Next, remove the bit about dotted and underline so that the adjusted code looks like this:
 

a {
    text-decoration: none;
     border-bottom: none;
    color: #59c4d9;
  }

And now a quick video to show you the above steps visually:

What is Inner-strength and how do we cultivate it?

What is Inner-strength and how do we cultivate it?

In today's article, I explore what it means to have "inner-strength", whether it can be something we can develop; and if so, how do we go about cultivating it to deal with life's challenges:

What does it mean to have inner-strength?

Resilience, perseverance and tenacity - what all these words have in common is that they give me a sense of deep inner-strength. It’s the power one has to deal with difficult situations; to give their all to a business idea or a goal; or to dedicate everything they’ve got in taking care of their family. It’s the strength one has to fight injustices; or to work for humane treatment of humans and animals. It’s the perceived strength one must have to overcome life’s challenges.

We do need that inner-strength in today's modern life, don't we? From dealing with the cranky child to the colleague who is always running late on projects to the customer who seems to be communicating with us with anger and impatience, to the spouse who seems to us to be nagging us - and then all of this and more happening all at once!

Anatomy of inner-strength
If we look at the anatomy of inner-strength, it’s hard to outline what it exactly entails. But one can see it in those who embody it. These people may not be very tall or physically fit, instead they might be slender and frail-looking. They may not have a fierce look on their faces, instead, they have a kind and gentle face. Inner-strength comes in all shapes and sizes. But what they do embody is a kind of a quiet inner-fortitude with which they calmly deal with whatever comes their way.

This inner-fortitude can take the form of compassion when dealing with an unruly child. Or kind words spoken to a worried stranger.  It can be silence in the face of insulting words. Or it can be in the form of strong action in the face of injustice. It can be the choice of non-violence in response to aggression.

When seen in this way, inner-strength sounds really interesting. Wouldn’t you want to have that kind of strength to handle what life throws at you? I have seen the results in my own life where practicing the action-steps of cultivating inner-strength has greatly helped me deal with depression and lack of enthusiasm for life as well as self-doubt and a sense of overwhelm when faced with obstacles on my path. Truly, developing inner-strength has saved my life. But it can also help one deal with other low-level but can help us keep moving forward regardless of what situation you face - from a difficult boss to an ailing health. 

Is one naturally born with inner-strength? Can this be developed at any age?

We may have a tendency to have a certain level of tenacity or inner-strength that's innate - something we are built with. But, I've found that it is also something that can be developed; it can be cultivated within us just like a new plant can be cultivated from a seed. The reason for this is that the source of inner-strength comes from our mind. The way we train our mind leads to how well we develop our inner-strength, something, I believe, we can do at any age.

Photo by Frank McKenna

Components of inner-strength

Regardless of what form inner-strength takes, the source of it is from within. It’s the inner-capacity to assess a situation, observe our own thoughts and emotions as a response and it’s the ability to respond wisely and compassionately to what we are experiencing. Inner-strength is ultimately the capacity to train our minds and meaningfully harness the immense power of our mind in day-to-day situations. 

The process of demonstrating inner-strength
Here is a trajectory that starts off with mindfulness and ends up with inner-strength showing up as compassionate action:

1. Being mindful

2. Observing emotions

3. Responding instead of reacting

4. Bringing compassion

5. From there bringing compassionate action

So as you can see, the components of inner-strength show up in a certain kind of process of being.

5 Action steps to build inner-strength

What you see above is also then, a path to developing inner-strength. The more we practice the above, the stronger we get from within when faced with challenging situations. So this is how the process translates into action steps along a path:

Building our capacity to be mindful
This way we are more in the moment and present to what is going on. This can be developed with either mindfulness and meditation practices.

Building our capacity to observe
When we are present to what's going on, we can observe our own thoughts and emotions. By staying with those thoughts and emotions, we help take off their edge and as a result keeping those strong emotions in check.

Building our capacity to respond instead of react
When we are able to observe, we are also better able to respond with consideration and forethought instead of impetuously reacting to what's going on.

Building our capacity to bring compassion to the situation
This means bringing in patience, understanding, forgiveness and loving-kindness to ourselves, the event and those involved.

Building our capacity for compassionate action
From this compassionate attitude, we can generate the inner-strength to take compassionate action.

There you have it, each time we practice along this path, we build our capacity to better deal with the challenges of life until there comes a time where things that use to be immensely stressful and distressing, we now find much more easier manageable to deal with. The irate customer doesn't bother us as much. The unruly student is much easier to engage with. The nagging wife or husband is no longer a source of stress. The slow colleague doesn't upset us as much. Instead, in each of these situations we are more gentle and kind, leading from our place with compassion and taking constructive actions to deal with situations. 

This is the power of building up our inner-strength through regular practice!

A Process Worth Developing

Establishing inner-strength within oneself is a process and it is a practice. It entails a journey of self-discovery through introspection, a letting go of negative patterns, a practice of ingesting high-energy, uplifting content daily, a practice of meditation to cleanse and calm our minds, as well as a deep sense of awareness of our body and gentle caring of it. 

This inner-strength is like a rose plant that we tenderly care for daily with gentleness, repetition, and awareness. This skill comes in handy when we are in difficult situations but to develop the skill we must practice in easy-going situations - during times when the pressure is low. Just like the athlete who trains for a big event, we too must train for the big events in life.

I call inner-strength a skill because it is something we can learn to refine and because it is an art form. It is one of those things that we never learned growing up unless we saw adults embodying this invaluable treasure. I’ve always been an optimist never thinking that I would run into a difficult situation. But when I hit a challenging moment, I found myself without an anchor and without the resources to deal with it. By trial and error, I painfully realized over time, that these situations were doubly difficult for me because I had not learned the art of inner-strength. I did not know what to say, how to deal with my thoughts and how to handle my own emotions. I had no knowledge of ways of thinking and being that could help me resolve those challenges and I had nobody I could look to for help. And that is a very dark place to be in. 

Inner-Peace Chats: A New Way To Move Within

That’s why I want to create resources that can help you prepare - not pessimistically expecting a challenging moment, rather realistically understanding that difficult moments do arise and we need to help ourselves come through those moments stronger. I'd love to offer you my presence and guide you on cultivating deeper inner-peace and sense of resilience. I've created something called the Inner-Peace Chat which is a comforting conversation during moments where you feel weak, distraught or simply in need of an uplifting boost. And according to what you need in the moment, I will guide you through a process and a meditation to help you deal with the emotional upsurge you are experiencing. 
 

It will be an hour-long process and you will receive in your inbox a customized action plan to cultivate inner-peace after our conversation. 

This new offering, the Inner Peace Chat is in a beta-phase which will be a higher investment down the road, after I've done a few chats and refined my process. Right now, you can be part of the founding group with at the early-bird pricing. I invite you to take this opportunity, which at the moment, is the only way to get one-to-one time with me, unless you are part of my larger an online program, Happiness Gameplan. 

Want to get started? Go here to see more details on Inner-Chat and reserve your spot.
 

Much peace,

Sophia

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Reflection Quote 004 : Goethe on Focus and what matters most

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”
⏤ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This eloquent quote puts it succinctly. That which is most important to you cannot be left at the mercy of all that which matters least. In the hustle-bustle of life, we find ourselves putting out fires or just taking care of daily maintenance of our lives so we can function. Often, this is all done in a bit of a hurry and because of that time pressure, we end up doing things without mindfulness.

As a result, there are times when we are swept away in the cacophony of things to do, voices of the world, and the rustling of chores. Even staying aware of what matters most to us becomes a distant memory. Didn't you write it down during your year-end review and introspection? Yes, you did, and now those priorities, dreams, and goals are resting comfortably in the pages of your journal or the digital abyss of your computer.

Photo by Thomas Lambert

Things that matter most

What is that thing that matters most to you? Can you spill it out on the spur of this moment? Without forethought, without thinking? I must admit this is challenging and I do have to take a moment at times to remember - what is it that matters most to me? 

One of the reasons for this is that we all have many different things that we call "priority", not least because there are important things in the many categories of our life such as health, relationship, work/career/business, community, finance, spirituality, and so on. So already that makes at least a handful of "things that matter most". And this makes it difficult to keep all of our priorities top-of-mind.

But what if we could find out for us what is the most important thing ⏤  THE thing that matters most to us. I believe that if we can figure out that one thing, all other priorities in the other categories will become self-evident. That One thing will serve as an umbrella for all our other priorities to logically and emotionally fit together, like a cascading waterfall, one priority will flow into the next and then into the next and become a coherent whole. Then we will not forget what matters most to us. Then we will be able to know at the spur of the moment what our one thing is. And this will enable us to take action, beat procrastination, kick doubt on the way side and begin to enjoy a deeper level of inner-peace.

But to get to that one thing that flows into everything else, we need to dig deep within us and we will find that actually the answers were floating on the surface of our awareness all along. Would you like to do this process with me now? We can in a few minutes become aware of that which matters most to us. All you need is a few minutes of undisturbed silence, a pen and paper or this worksheet below that you can download. And we can begin.

Grab the Free PDF Worksheet - Coming soon.

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The Process Of Finding Out Your Thing That Matters Most

Step 1:

Take a few minutes to just sit quietly and comfortably. Put all your projects to the side for now. Now take a moment to answer either of these two questions:

1. If you could only have one thing but have it fulfilled, what would you want most for yourself that will make all other parts of your life easy, meaningful, and happier?

2. What is it that you want most right now, and why?

Answer A: 

Step 2:

Next, reflect on the why behind your answers.

1. Why is it that you want the Answer A you wrote down above? What will that bring into your life? 
2. In what way will having A, make other parts of your life easier, happier, more fulfilling? Write down how it will effect ALL aspects of your life including Money & Finances, Health, Family & Relationships, Sense of Contribution/Legacy/Fulfillment, Spirituality, Business/Career, Other

Answer B:
 

Step 3:

Reflect on the next question

1. What actions do you need to take in order to make Answer A & B active in your life?

2. What new habits whether activities or mind-set changes do you need to make in order to make Answer A&B possible in your life?

Answer C:

Step 4:

Time for making this actionable.

Now that you have the exact actions identified, can you commit on actually bringing those actions into your life? If so, when and what time of the week will you take some moments to implement it? Note down days of the week, the time or any other details you need to make this happen.

Answer D: 

Step 5:

Articulate Your Thing That Matters Most to you

Now that you have completed steps 1-4, reflect on Answer A again. Do you need to modify it in any way? And then, phrase What matters most to you in a single sentence:

Answer E: What matters most to me is ..........

___

Results Of My Own Process

As for me, after I completed this process, I realized that:

What matters most to me is taking daily actions of writing, meditating, walking, reading and carrying a mindset of gratitude and loving kindness.

I'm sharing my process results at the back of the Process Worksheet. So if you'd like to see how I came up with the above answer, you can download the entire worksheet below:

Grab the Supporting Free PDF Worksheet - coming soon

I'm glad you went through this process of getting to the core of what matter most. Now you can write it down in your journal or on a notecard and keep it on you, taking it everywhere you go. The purpose of doing that is to keep what matters most to you, top of your mind, so you can take actions to help make that thing that matters most to you, happen in your life. 

I'd love to see what you came up with. Do share in the comments what matters most to you and anything else you'd like to share about doing this process.

Much peace to you,

Sophia

About the author of the quote:

"Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, (born August 28, 1749, Frankfurt am Main[Germany]—died March 22, 1832, Weimar, Saxe-Weimar), German poet, playwright, novelist, scientist, statesman, theatre director, critic, and amateur artist, considered the greatest German literary figure of the modern era". ⏤ Brittanica.com

Why we need to think of expectations differently

Photo Credit: Sophia Ojha Ensslin

I grew up around the notion of "expectation". Expectation followed me around no matter where I went and what I did. I was expected to do good in school. Cross that. I was expected to do great in school. I was expected to excel at work and career. I was expected to be a good, kind person. I was expected to be contributing member of society.

And these expectations ⏤ from family, from school, from society ⏤ all have played a role in who I am. Needless to say, I adopted many of these expectations as my own, to the extent that at one point in my life, I couldn't tell if the things I was working towards were coming from my own expectations or those I absorbed from society. In any case, I always had high expectations of myself and the people around me.

Expectations Are A Trap

This happens to a lot of us. Somewhere along the way, expectation becomes a way of being. We bring our expectations to how our lives should be, how the world should be, how the people around us should be. And too often, these expectations come back to bite us in the you know what! Oh, and I have been bit many, many, many a times! Not so much by society's expectations of me anymore, but my own expectations of the world.

I've come to realize that having expectations of life is a big, dangerous trap. Now, I don't expect you to believe me (pun intended). Reflecting on how I have hurt myself and hurt others because of my expectations, has made me realize that when we set expectations on things and on people, we only create an invisible tension between us and the people or the situation or ourselves.This tension comes from wanting things to be a certain way and then realizing they are not the way we expected them and then feeling angry, hurt or upset or a host of other emotions as a result. 

Waiting Vs. Breathing

Now, don't get me wrong. I do have aspirations. And there is a strong and clear difference between having aspirations and having expectations. Aspirations pull us upwards, they lift us from where we are and help us create for the better. We can aspire to earn a promotion at work and so we take initiatives, stretch ourselves to build our skills or reach out to colleagues to build bridges. We may aspire to a happy home life and so we build presence so we can listen to our loved ones, we invest time to maintain a healthy environment and we care for the wellbeing of our family. We may aspire to create a better world and so we donate our time and resources to worthy causes, we pick up litter in our pristine forests, we hold the door for a stranger. 

"Aspiration" according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

1a : a strong desire to achieve something high or great
1b : an object of such desire
2a: drawing of something in, out, up, or through by or as if by suction: such as
  a:the act of breathing and especially of breathing in

Notice how the definition of aspiration starts with "a strong desire to achieve something high or great". It is positive and uplifting. Just like it's second definition, "the act of breathing"!
Aspiration is also another word of breathing, especially breathing in! 

Expectation on the other hand is "the act or state of expecting : anticipation," according to the dictionary. So I looked up expecting and this is what Merriam-Webster Dictionary showed for it:

1. archaic : wait, stay

2: to look forward

You can notice the difference. Expectation has a more stagnant feel to it. It is the state of waiting and that's an uncomfortable state of being, at least in my view. Waiting vs. Breathing. Which is more dynamic? Which is more alive with life-force?

Aspiration Is Uplifing

Aspiration is a beautiful thing. But when it thwarts itself and warps into expectation, that's when the drudgery begins for you and those around you. Aspiration when coupled with expectation causes heartache, breaks up relationships and causes deep mental and emotional distress.

Whereas aspiration coupled with detachment, frees us. It helps us soar to new heights of creativity, of beauty, of kindness, of wisdom and of compassion. Detachment is an art, a way of looking at things which enables us to take action without being cemented to an end result.

I've written about and created videos on helping you dig deep into the art of detachment with these useful posts:

Deepak Chopra's Law of Detachment (video and blog)
Letting Go Of the Need to Know what happens tomorrow  (video and blog)
My own journey of Showing Up with detachment (video and blog) and
In learning how to Assess Your Efforts Not Results (video and blog)

In relationships with others
So when we aspire for a beautiful relationship with another, we make positive, constructive, meaningful effort to make that happen, but we also let go of how it turns out. What the other person does or how the other person receives our efforts are not under our influence. We can, however, observe and except how they respond to us. This is detachment that frees us because we are accepting of what is and how they are.

In relationship with ourselves
This way of being also applies to how we relate to ourselves. I know that many of us, myself included, have trained ourselves to have high expectations of us. I know many women and many moms who carry very heavy burdens of what they expect from themselves. But when we fall too deep into pasting layers and layers of expectations over us (best mom, best wife, best home care taker, best career woman/ professional/business woman, best community member, etc), then we have only buried ourselves under a ton of bricks ⏤ not freed ourselves to be all that we want to be. That's when expectation thwarts aspiration. 

In relationship with meditation
It's also a trap when it comes to our meditation. We sit down to meditate and have expectations. We all know the benefits of meditation so we sit down expecting to have a relaxed experience. But sometimes, the mind is so active, it is difficult to quickly relax. It may take time. Add to that the expectation and there goes any sense of calm and peace. But instead, if can allow the meditation experience to be as it is, then we have created a kind, benevolent space for our mind to relax. No expectations. Just accepting how things are.

This approach can be applied to anything in our lives. Whenever you find yourself dealing with the pain and distress of having expectations of yourself or of others, remind yourself of this trap of expectation. And then intentionally choose to be kind towards yourself and others. Allow your aspiration for how you want things to be to help direct your words, thoughts and actions but free yourself of attaching to how you expect things to be. 

This is a way to inner-peace. This is a way to relate with our world, our life, the people in our lives and with ourselves with kindness and compassion.

Don't be fooled by the insidious trap of expectations. Welcome aspiration with a detached, kind attitude. This will help you focus on positive thoughts, words and actions and better deal with the reality at hand. 

Don't be fooled by expectations.
Embrace aspiration instead.
Focus on your actions.
Thoughts, words AND actions.
This is a way to peace.
This is way to accept what is.

So, my friend, please share with me in the comments how you respond to this article. I'd really like to know your experience of accepting what is and letting go of expectations.

Much peace,

Sophia

Reflection Quote 003: Tchaikovsky and Showing Up Daily For Creative Muse

Photo Credit: Rachel Shores

“We must always work, and a self-respecting artist must not fold his hands on the pretext that he is not in the mood. If we wait for the mood, without endeavoring to meet it half-way, we easily become indolent and apathetic. We must be patient, and believe that inspiration will come to those who can master their disinclination.” 
⏤ Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in Life and Letters of Peter Tchaikovsky*

Over and over again, I learn from accomplished writers, musicians and creatives that we must show up every day to create in hopes for the muse to inspire us rather than wait for the muse to show and then begin our creative work.

As a writer and creative artist (audio-video), I've found this to be true. Just before the new year began, I committed to write every single day starting Jan 2nd (Jan 1st was a day spent celebrating with friends and share our new year's goals). Whether I was inspired or not, I'd sit at my computer. Whether it was a work day or a weekend, I would show up to write. Whether I was awake and vibrant or sleepy and dull, I would begin typing away. This I promised. And so far, 15 days later, I'm happy at my results. Not counting this post, here are some stats:

Writing Period: Jan 2nd to Jan 14th = 13 days
Total Words written: 11,689
Average Words written per day: 899
Blogs published: 4!!! (I used to churn out one blog a week, so four is a really big change).

In these 13 days, I have found Tchaikovsky's words to ring true. Not every day did I produce content that I felt worthy of publishing. Out of the 13 days of writing, only 4 of those days did I have something I published. And I know for sure that none of these 4 blog posts are the best I can produce at this time. With all that I have learnt in my life about writing, about the creative process, there's an outstanding article waiting to emerge out of me. But you know what, those posts that I did write, are good enough. They are good enough. 

Key to Creative Success: Showing Up Every Day
So, my friend, if you are a creative artist or need creative solutions in whatever field you are working in, what I have found is that showing up every day to your creative project, is the first key step towards getting in touch with your muse, your inspiration, towards tapping in to your creative energy and letting it flow. 

Notice I said, "...showing up every day..." not simply showing up one day and then taking a break. I speak from my own experience. I have begun new projects many a times in my last 7 years at Reflection Pond and I have worked on them during the week, taking the weekends off. And although I am a firm believer in taking time off (see my post here about taking 10 days off for silent retreat), during the rest of the time, it's key to show up every single day.

Keeping the Momentum
Several years ago, I met a professional, a former colleague of my husband. He had invited us for brunch to his home to meet his wife and two kids. After we had a wonderful brunch and spent ample time getting to know his family, we started on our way back. As we were leaving, he got ready in his running outfit and put on his running shoes. I asked him, "how many times a week do you go running?" He said, "Every day." I was surprised as here I was having trouble trying to even make 3 times a week for my exercise schedule. I said, "You don't take the weekends off?" "No," he replied. "It would be too hard to start again then on Monday." 

This was may be 5 or 6 years ago but his statement really made an impression on me. And only years later did it really make sense to me as I had started and failed at many new habits that I was building. I began walking every day about a year and a half ago. I realized that whenever I took the weekends off, it was easy for me to delay starting again. From Monday, it would move to Tuesday and then with great effort I would begin again, only to drop off the habit on the weekend. Come Monday, I would begin the gargantuan task of building the walking habit again.

Now for a year or so, I have been walking daily even on weekends (on days when it the temperature drops to negative degrees, I run up and down the stairs at home several times!).

And now I am applying this understanding to my commitment and habit of writing daily. I write on weekends to - even if it is just 30 minutes. This way, I continue the thread and can keep the momentum going. Momentum is a friend of yours when you are building a new habit. Once you start, you build up this forward moving energy which makes it easier and easier for you to continue it. Each day, you may still find resistance to "doing" your project or whatever the new habit is. But it will be immensely less than if you were to start fresh, from scratch.

Keeping your momentum is essential - and that means showing up every day.

Photo by: Andrew Ly

Being Kind

This is a very important part of building your new habit. When we are at the early stages of the habit, there will be times when you miss a day. It could be because of you being ill or you needing to take care of other necessary things in your life. Until you have build the right conditions around your new habit, you will, sooner later, miss a day. (Right conditions in this sense mean protecting your writing time or new habit time dearly, removing all obstacles from around it, having other parts of your life that you can influence well taken care of so that your "habit time" or "creative project time" or "running time" are sacred, not disturbed). 

So then when you do miss a day from showing up, you have to develop kindness towards yourself. Too often, I have beaten up myself for "failing" at my new habit. And this doesn't really help. So before you begin, know that you will miss a day possibly and already now in the beginning decide what you will do when that happens. Some suggestions:

If I miss a day, knowing these things happen, I will be kind to myself, and:

1. Forgive myself and treat myself kindly: "It's okay you missed a day, let's start again."
2. Take a few minutes to assess what were the conditions like that led me to miss a day. And then work to correct or improve upon it.
3. Recommit and start again.

Let's heed the words of the great Russian composer, Tchaikovsky who said, "We must be patient, and believe that inspiration will come to those who can master their disinclination." Let's be patient that inspiration, muse, the creative flow will arrive at our fingertips and show up every single day to our "work". Yes, even on weekends! 

What is the One project or new habit you are building in this new year? Please share in the comments what that is. And also share your own experiences with building new habits: challenges faced and solutions arrived at. I'd love to read them.

Peace, Sophia

Sidenote: Whenever I read inspiring quotes, I often wonder who was the person who said or wrote those words. Reading quotes, I find, is a good way to do some digging to find out just a little bit more of the writer/speaker, as their lifestory and life's work gives us much to ponder about.

So whenever I can, I will add a little introduction from Wikipedia or other source to start off your research and add it to the end of the post in a teeny section called: About the Author of The Quote.

*About the Author of the Quote: 

"Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky was a Russian composer of the romantic period, some of whose works are among the most popular music in the classical repertoire. He was the first Russian composer whose music made a lasting impression internationally, bolstered by his appearances as a guest conductor in Europe and the United States."  ⏤ Wikipedia

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You are invited to join my free email course: 

New In-Person Meditation Sessions in Western North Carolina

Hello there! 

I am super delighted to announce that we will be holding live in-person meditation sessions in Boone, North Carolina starting in Feb 2018! Here's some more details from the Press Release.

Inner-Peace: Meditation for a Healthy Mind

Location:
Watauga County Public Library
140 Queen St, Boone, NC 28607.

Event Dates: 
Feb 17th, Mar 17th, April 21st and May 19th.
Event Time:
3pm - 4pm

NEW MONTHLY MEDITATION PROGRAM
at the Appalachian Regional Library.

Starting in February, 2018, Watauga County Library in downtown Boone will be offering a program of meditation and visualization, “Inner-Peace: Meditation for a Healthy Mind.” Local residents of all ages can come and learn how to take charge of their mental well-being. The program will focus on teaching daily practices to calm the mind and wash away the daily stresses, using breath awareness exercises and relaxation techniques combined with guided creative visualizations. These are skills that the participants can learn and use on their own in their daily lives. 

Inner-Peace is a monthly meditation program held in the Meeting Room at the Watauga County Library taking place on the third Saturday of each month, from 3pm-4pm. The dates are: Feb 17th, Mar 17th, April 21st and May 19th. It is hosted by Sophia Ojha Ensslin from reflectionpond.com, a long-time meditator and writer on topics of training the mind, introspection and creating inner-peace. It is part of the mental wellness initiative funded by various national level non-profit institutions.

This program is helpful for anyone who wants to learn how to deal with tensions at home or stresses from the job. It can be used by students to better deal with the pressures of student life. It can help people better cope with loneliness, physical illness, depression, irritation, anger and can help increase a sense of compassion, kindness and love towards themselves and others. It is beneficial to all groups ranging from moms and dads, professionals, students, the elderly and anyone who is interested in taking care of their mental well-being.

Meditation A Necessity Not A Luxury

We, as a society, are re-learning how to take care of our minds after having focused, for centuries, primarily on the body. Our minds are our most important asset and keeping it healthy and nourished is no longer a luxury but a necessity.

If every single individual in Watauga and neighboring counties learned the art of taking care of their mind, with simple daily steps, imagine how much more self-confidence, peace, productivity and helpful solutions we each could experience and contribute towards.

Taking a few minutes to meditate and visualize are powerful ways to wash away the mental anguish, hurt, irritations and anger that builds up in the course of the day ⏤ helping us live happier lives.

For Media Inquires send an email to sophia@reflectionpond.com or go here: Contact
More Details See: Mindful Events Page

Being Kind To Yourself

Photo by Evelyn Paris

What is kindness?

What comes to your mind when you think of the word “kind”? What does kindness mean to you? 

When I first think of the word kind, I think of action - kind actions done to help others. When people help the homeless or other groups. When people pick up litter in the park. When people hold the door open for someone when entering a building. Or when someone lets another car come into their lane while driving. It’s the kind action a nurse takes whenever taking care of his/her patient. It’s the nice words of encouragement we say to each other.

And all of this is really wonderful and worthy of being associated with the word kind.

But how often do we think of ourselves as kind? We do a lot of kind things for others, but do we consider ourselves as a kind person? If you do, that’s wonderful and please keep it up. But for so many of us, we are so critical of ourselves that we don’t even allow ourselves to think of ourselves as kind. We say, “oh, I wasn’t kind that time when xyz happened” or “There are others who are kind but I do my best to be kind”. We have some variation of that statement in our minds. Why? Because we have really high standards of what can be considered kind. Or thinking we are being humble, we never give ourselves the acknowledgement. This has certainly been my case where I did not see myself as a kind person because all I could see was the times that I had been less than kind.

But what if we began to look at ourself as a kind person - that would be a very kind thing to do. We would recognize and notice all the kind things we've done or said or thought.

A First Step In Cultivating Kindness

Starting there would be a wonderful first step in cultivating kindness towards others - considering yourself a kind person.

Now what exactly does it mean to be a kind person?

After you recognize that you are indeed a kind person, it is time to cultivate more kindness towards yourself.

One of the ways to do this is to say encouraging words to yourself. If you are feeling down you can be kind to yourself and say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel down right now. I am here for you.” If you are faced with doubt about yourself, remind yourself why and how you have demonstrated in the past that you can do it. Say to yourself, “You can do it. I believe in you. No matter how this has turned out in the past, the important thing is that you don’t give up. Keep going”.

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees." ⏤ Amelia Earhart

If you find yourself feeling impatience towards yourself, then say to yourself, “It’s alright to feel impatience. It’s just an energy and it will pass.” And then deliberately give yourself more time for whatever you feel impatience about. Imagine yourself to be a gentle cow or a mama sheep and how they take care of their young. Imagine yourself to be just filled with kindness from head to toe. Then say kind words towards yourself.

This is an important practice for cultivating kindness towards ourselves. It is important because it seems like we are our own worst critic and barrage ourselves with non-nourishing, hurtful words. We need to take deliberate actions in changing that. And by doing so, we fuel ourselves with good, encouraging energy which builds our self-confidence and we begin to feel good about ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves, we are more relaxed and when we are more relaxes issues and problems don’t bother us so much. And as a result, we are kind towards others as well.

So today, my invitation to you is to keep “being kind to yourself” in mind. Whenever you hear yourself being impatient, irritated, angry, critical or in any way unkind, bring yourself to some kind thoughts. This may or may not be easy to do since we often are quick to judge ourselves. But with practice, we relax into this way of being. We practice being kind to ourselves and be begin to enjoy being ourselves and even begin to love ourselves more.

So what do you say? Will you be kind to yourself today? Share your thoughts with me in the comments below as I'd love to know.

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Reflection Quote 002: Dreams are the seedlings of realities - James Allen

Photo by Noah Rosenfield

“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” 
⏤ James Allen, Author of As a Man Thinketh*

What a loaded quote we have this week, from the British author James Allen. It is packed with tons of deep inspirational thought and in the next few paragraphs, I hope to unlock some key messages so that you can practically apply the wisdom into your life meaningfully.

First, let me ask you a question: Are you a dreamer? A dreamer - not someone who doesn't intend to act on their dreams but someone who know how to dream in order to take right action? 

Think about it for a second. Dreamer. 

I want you to begin to unravel the gifts that this word comes with. Too many people have used the word dreamer as a derrogative term. "Ah, you are just a dreamer." "Don't just be a dreamer." And other variants of such statements. 

But to me the word "dreamer" equals "visionary". It conjures up to me images of people like Dr. Martin Luther King who was a great visionary who could see people being judged by the merit of their character not the color of their skin. It conjures up to me the image of Mother Theresa who could see the vision of Jesus in the faces of ailing, suffering people who were deemed as outcasts and unwanted by society.

Dreamers are visionaries who can see a higher reality for humanity. They can see the potential for good, for benevolence, for compassion and for equality. They are people who can see a more refined world where solutions to today's problems are easily solved with collaboration and dedication. They are people filled with faith in the true kindness that is seated in the heart of every human being. These are the people who have created amazing art, beautiful experiences, and worthy solutions for humanity. These are the dreamers.

That's what I see when I walk in the woods and see acorns on the forest floor. Lying there lifeless, from a distance they look like unwanted throwaways of the forest. But they are dormant. They hold within them the potential of not just one tree but millions of trees. Or when consumed by a squirrel, they give food to not just one squirrel, but millions of squirrels yet to be born. When they neither become food for a squirrel nor find the right conditions to sprout, they may merge with the earth and become nourishment for countless lifeforms. 

That's exactly what is inside an idea. An acorn. A seed. A starting point for something that can have endless impact on numberless beings. 

That is why you ought to dream. And dream big. You ought to dream the dream that is emerging from within you. Care not what has been done. Care not what people think about you. Care not whether you feel ready. You dream is waiting to take root. Because your dream is a seed for your new reality. 

"Dreams are seedlings of realities", said James Allen. What new reality can you dream up?

Here's an exercise that you can do today to cultivate the art of dreaming:

Think of a problem that you have seen in your life. It could be something you have experienced yourself. Or it could be something you have seen out in the world - which you feel can be improved upon.

Ask yourself: If I could have it all my way, what would this look? Or if I could have all the resources in the world, if Bill Gates, Oprah, Richard Branson and all the billionaires of the world were to give me their influence, money and resources, what solution would I like to bring into this world? And allow yourself to think outrageously.

Just to get your juices flowing, I will share with you my very own Big Dream. (I actually have three but let's start with one).

My Big Dream For Animals:

If I could have it all my way and these fantastic billionaires are supporting my dream, this is what I would want: 
I would transform every animal shelter on this planet into a life-shelter (meaning a no-kill shelter). I would then turn the existing shelters into animal sanctuaries and build new animal sanctuaries where dogs and cats can touch the grass under their paws and breathe the fresh air through their nostrils. They can climb trees and run around in peace. They are taken care of by compassionate, well-paid caretakers who feed them good, healthy food and give them access to compassionate, highly trained vets and healers. 

I would find a way to get every single dog and cat off the streets where they are going unnoticed, neglected and filled with diseases. Yes, EVERY SINGLE animal. I would also use the resources to reach into schools so that our next generation can learn the beauty of caring for an animal and they too can take action to protect these animals. All animals are either free in the wild or lovingly and humanely taken care of and allowed to live their entire lives out peacefully. This is my Big Dream for animals in general but dogs and cats specifically.

What is Your Big Dream that you dream of?

You are allowed any big dream you like (of course, it goes without saying that it is beneficial to our world - animals and ecosystems included). Go ahead and share it in the comments below. I am eager to learn from you.

Other Quotes from James Allen:
Here are a few more quotes to spark your imagination:

"Every action and feeling is preceded by a thought."

"Right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves."

"Circumstance does not make the man, it reveals him to himself."

Sidenote: Whenever I read inspiring quotes, I often wonder who was the person who said or wrote those words. Reading quotes, I find, is a good way to do some digging to find out just a little bit more of the writer/speaker, as their lifestory and life's work gives us much to ponder about.

So whenever I can, I will add a little introduction from Wikipedia to start off your research and add it to the end of the post in a teeny section called: About the Author of The Quote.

*About the Author of the Quote: 

"James Allen (28 November 1864 – 24 January 1912) was a British philosophical writer known for his inspirational books and poetry and as a pioneer of the self-help movement. His best known work, As a Man Thinketh, has been mass-produced since its publication in 1903. It has been a source of inspiration to motivational and self-help authors". ⏤ Wikipedia

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Reflection Quote 001: Distraction and Misery - Blaise Pascal

Photo by: Felix Russell Saw

“Distraction is the only thing that consoles us for our miseries, and yet it is itself the greatest of our miseries.” ⏤ Blaise Pascal, French Mathematician*

What deep truth is entailed in this quote from Blaise Pascal!

As soon as I read these words, it struck a deep chord in me. There have been times when I've been tired at the end of my day or simply experiencing an unknown sadness emerge, I've turned to watch comedy shows after comedy shows to distract me from my own self. I've scrolled FB pages for an entire afternoon, missing out on precious moments to write, meditate, create or spending time outdoors in fresh air or with playing with my animal friends. I'm not embarrassed to share this with you, although only some time back, I would be utterly embarrassed. I share this because I want you to know that if you too have experienced looking for a distraction, then you are not alone in this. And it doesn't make me think less of you as I too experience the urge to drown out what I am feeling at the moment.

Afterall, distraction ⏤ whether it is mindlessly scrolling the internet, eating, drinking,  or doing anything in disproportionate excess ⏤ is a bandaid to our souls, a quick numbing of any emotional pain or mental anguish we are feeling. So, if your family member is ill for long periods of time and you've been taking care of them, it can start to drain you. Like a rubber band you feel stretched. So, you go out to watch a comedy show to take your mind off and have a good laugh with your friends. This is a helpful distraction. It allows you to loosen the tension, focus your mind on something lighthearted and you feel rejuvenized. (Is that a word? Perhaps, rejuvenated is better. Rejuvenized does sound like a legit word!).

However, when we take up activities that are in excess, the distraction then becomes a new problem. People may take a drink to drown loneliness or to deal with a breakup. They feel a relief but instead of moving forward, they come back to it night after night and that's how when it becomes unhealthy and infact, dangerous to their emotional, mental and physical well-being. So distractions are really just a momentary anesthetic not a long-term solution to any problem we are facing.

That's why, this quote strikes me so strongly. Without a long-term healthy strategy to deal with the problems of life, we are too vulnerable to falling in the trap of distraction. Especially, when you are feeling well, strong and positive about yourself and your life, that's exactly the time to help yourself by thinking about a long-term strategy to deal with the inevitable pain and suffering of life.

I am not a pessimist - anything but! I do feel, however, that we, as individuals and as a culture on the whole, are lacking a reliable, healthy net to help us when things go wrong. In the past, people had a much close-knit circle of family and friends. Uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, neighbors, school-mates, and community members were very much available for us. And if you currently have that, you are among the lucky ones (despite of all the problems that being close to family can also cause). More and more of our urban world has become crowded with people but ironically, it has also led to more loneliness and isolation. When things are fine in our lives, all's good. Being alone is not a problem when you are feeling well. But when we fall into the any life crisis - where's the net to catch us? If society and culture fail to provide it to us, we must find one for ourselves. 

There are two things that we can do to help ourselves, create an emotional, spiritual safety net. One is to search out and belong to a community. Second is find something positive you can do on a regular basis that helps you grow emotionally and spiritually. 

One: Community
What we need to do is step out of our comfort zone and find a community to be a part of, a community where you can be yourself, and you can contribute meaningfully for the well-being of others. Join a non-profit/charity and volunteer weekly. Join a sports group. Offer to help out at the local library, animal shelter, shelter for the homeless, church, temple, mosque or any faith-based organization that you resonate with, new age group, book club or writers club, hiking club, language group, knitting group, astronomy club, business groups. And these are just suggestions to start you off. (You have a suggestion to add here? Let me know in the comments and I'll review your suggestion and edit this list - your help can really spark ideas for our readers.)

And a great resource in the US and in many other countries is: Meetup.com where you can see what things are available in your area and even start your very own unique group. I am thinking of starting a meditation group myself in my local area of Boone, North Carolina.

Two: Your Personal Safety Net (Hobby/Creative activity)
Another safety net that is really important is to have some activity that you can do on your own and which gives you much fulfillment and joy. Any of the activities I mentioned in point one as a group activity, can also be something you do on your own.

My two safety net activities are: meditation and hiking.
I am building a habit to meditate one hour a day and then a deepening of my practice on every other Sunday where I mediate several times a day. (I will share more on this as the year progresses and share with you my blueprint so you can also incorporate it in your life). Meditation is a long-term solution ⏤ it is healing, rejuvenating, energizing! It allows us to dissolve the stresses of our lives. And done daily, it helps us to wash away any pain or stress from the day, instead of collecting it in our minds and bodies. It's really like showering to me. I shower every day to keep my body clean and healthy. I meditate every day to keep my mind and heart healthy and nourished. It really is a necessity for a healthy life - not a luxury.

The other safety net is hiking. I love to be in the woods. As they say, some go to church to connect with God, I go to the forest. It really is a blessing to be living inside the Pisgah National Forest. There are gazillion trees and flora everywhere and along with it thousands of birds and chipmunks and deer and all the beings. Then there are the most fascinating waterfalls and breathtaking views. Being in the woods, where only sounds of nature abound, is a precious thing indeed. (I know this all too well; as I am a child born in and as an adult living in two of the most dense concrete metropolitan jungles of our planet: Mumbai and New York City).

My dear friend, if you have access to any natural setting, go on and "invest" your time there. Notice that I said, "invest" not "spend". You really are investing in yourself and in your well-being and inner-peace when you invest time in a park, near a lake, on a beach, in the dessert - any place that is mostly mother nature. You will find much treasure there.

So these two safety nets are to be built and cultivated when you are strong and happy. A wo/man builds a house in dry season to protect her/him from the rains. During the rain, s/he needs to get shelter built by others already. I hope this simile helps you understand deeply what I want to convey. Only when you are strong (dry season), can you build your safety net (your house). When you are feeling down, ill, or facing some life crisis, (rain), you need to get help from your family, friends or church/temple, etc (shelter built by others).

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Well, my friend, I hope that this quote from Blaise Pascal and my reflection on it today is helpful for you. Find the time to build your own safety net (1. community & 2. personal) so that you can be your own strong support, your own anchor, your own pillar helping you thrive and flourish all your life!

Other quotes from Blaise Pascal: 
May be I will write about these quotes in the future, may be not. But here are a couple more to spark your imagination:

"Kind words cost nothing. Yet they accomplish much". 
"The heart has reasons of which reason knows nothing."

Sidenote: Whenever I read inspiring quotes, I often wonder who was the person who said or wrote those words. Reading quotes, I find, is a good way to do some digging to find out just a little bit more of the writer/speaker, as their lifestory and life's work gives us much to ponder about.

So whenever I can, I will add a little introduction from Wikipedia to start off your research and add it to the end of the post in a teeny section called: About the Author of The Quote.

*About the Author of the Quote:
Blaise Pascal was a French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer and Catholic theologian. He was a child prodigy who was educated by his father, a tax collector in Rouen." - Wikipedia

Tell me in the comments, what your thoughts are about building your safety net. Do you have a safety net? What would building something like that mean to you? What community activity or personal hobby serve as a balm to your soul? Thank you for sharing - as that will be valuable and insightful not only to me but the many silent readers out there!

You are invited to join my free email course: