The 3 Stages of Getting Unstuck (And How to Move Through Them)

If you’ve tried manifesting but nothing changed, you’re likely in one of these phases. Here’s the map to find your way out.

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

First published on Medium

Let’s get straight to the heart of it.

You’ve tried visualizing. You’ve tried the affirmations. Maybe you’ve even built a vision board.

But the results you want still feel just out of reach.

What if the problem isn’t your effort, but your entire approach?

For years, I believed the same story you probably did: Work hard, do the things, and then you’ll become the person with the results.

It’s the “Action-First” model. And it’s a trap that keeps you in a cycle of striving and imposter syndrome.

But something shifted for us.

We discovered that real transformation — the kind that brings opportunities to your doorstep — doesn’t start with action.

It starts with identity.

And from my own journey, I see most people get stuck in one of three places on this path. See which one feels familiar.

Stage 1: You’re stuck in the “doing” loop.

You’re hustling. You’re putting in the hours. You’re following all the “how-to” advice.

But you’re doing it from the identity of someone who doesn’t have the results. It feels like pushing a boulder uphill.

What you need isn’t another action plan. It’s a new identity from which inspired action can naturally flow.

Stage 2: You’re “faking it,” but you don’t “feel it.”

You’re saying the words, but your inner self is screaming, “This isn’t true!”

It feels like a lie because your subconscious is highly integral. It rejects what it sees as false.

What you need isn’t better affirmations. You need a way to genuinely feel the state of the wish fulfilled, so your mind accepts it as a new truth.

Stage 3: You have moments of clarity, but they don’t last.

You get a glimpse of what’s possible, but the old story, the old feelings, creep back in.

Your growth feels fragile. The 3D world’s evidence is still too loud.

What you need isn’t more motivation. You need a structured practice to continually abide in your new identity, until the outside world has no choice but to conform.

Wherever you are, the shift is the same: You must stop ‘faking it until you make it’, and start feeling it before you make it.

This isn’t a theory. It’s how we landed a teaching gig in a 5-minute state of flow, without hustling for it.

We simply abided in the identity of “being teachers” for a couple of weeks. We connected with the feeling of ease, authority, and service. Then, the opportunity appeared. It was a natural, almost expected next step.

The action was a joyful effect, not a strenuous cause.

This is the core of what we teach.

By the way, we created our Shift Your Identity community and the Power of Awareness course (for Premium community members) specifically for someone like you.

I don’t just say that to be inspiring.

I say it because we were right where you are, not long ago. We built the system we needed.

As always, remember:

Make the shift inwardly, the mirror of life is bound to conform.

Sophia & Cristof

Stop Hustling, Start Abiding: The Easiest Path to What You Want

How a simple change in our daily mental practice led to a real-world opportunity in just two weeks

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

First published on Medium

I clicked ‘submit’ on the teaching application in a state of pure, light-filled flow.

It had only taken five minutes. There was no hesitation, no second-guessing, no imposter syndrome. Just two days later, Cristof and I were in a meeting with the community center program director, not to plead our case, but to decide on dates and pricing for our class.

This wasn’t the result of grinding out ridiculous work hours. It was the natural outcome of a practice we’d been doing for weeks: we stopped faking it until we made it, and started feeling it before we made it.

The Trap of the “Action-First” Model

We’re all taught the same script from childhood: work hard, study hard, do the things, and then — maybe — you’ll become the person who has the results.

Want to be a successful writer? Write for 100 days straight.
Want to be financially abundant? Work 80-hour weeks and save 50% of your income.
Want to be a teacher? Get the education, then the degree, then the position.

The actions come first, the identity follows. It’s a life of striving, and for many, a life of perpetual struggle. The imposter syndrome thrives here because you’re always reaching for an identity that feels outside of you.

But what if we have it backward?

The Download That Changed Everything

Less than a week before the kickoff call for our community, we had a moment of clarity. The real, transformational work isn’t in the action. The action is a byproduct. The first step is the identity.

You don’t just get good grades; you are an excellent student.
You don’t just earn a lot of money; you are a financially abundant person.
You don’t just teach a class; you are a teacher.

For us, the desired identity was clear: “I AM a person who knows identity shifting inside out, applies it in his/her own life with ease, and teaches it successfully to others so they can transform their lives.”

This wasn’t a lie we told ourselves. It was a state we chose to inhabit.

The Practice: “Abiding” in the Wish Fulfilled

So how do you move from “doing until you are” to being the excellent student, financially abundant person, or confident teacher? You don’t just affirm it once. You abide in it.

For a couple of weeks, several times a day, we would consciously drop into the “state of the wish fulfilled.” We used the “I AM” mantra above not as a desperate plea, but as a gentle reminder of our true, chosen state.

We weren’t visualizing a specific classroom or students. We were simply connecting with the feeling of already being the capable, knowledgeable, generous teachers we knew we were. The feeling of ease. The feeling of natural authority. The feeling of service.

This is the crucial difference. Manifesting isn’t about craving a future thing. It’s about experiencing the ultimate result of that thing — the feeling — right now, in your mind. Because even when you get the Lamborghini, the experience of joy and abundance still happens in your mind. Why wait?

When the 3D World Catches Up

This is where the magic happens. When you are truly abiding in that new identity, inspired action finds you. It feels like flow, not force.

The email from the community center? It didn’t feel like a shocking coincidence. It felt like a natural, almost expected invitation from a universe that had simply matched our internal frequency. Seeing the “Program Instructor Application” link wasn’t a surprise; it was an obvious next step. The energy was divine, intuitive, and effortless. No thinking, only doing from a state of being.

The action was a joyful effect, not a strenuous cause.

Your Turn: How to Find Your “I AM”

If you’re feeling stuck in an identity that no longer serves you, here is the simple, practical first step:

1. Identify the “Stuck” Identity: Get brutally honest. “I am a struggling freelancer.” “I am an unpublished writer.” “I am someone who is always broke.”

2. Define the Desired Identity: What is the opposite, fulfilled version? Not just having something, but being someone. “I am a sought-after expert in my field.” “I am an author whose words impact thousands.” “I am a financially abundant person.”

It might take a few iterations to get it right. That’s okay. The key is to find the identity that, if you truly felt it was your reality, would make the craving for the external thing simply… dissolve.

The Beautiful Paradox of Non-Attachment

Now, you might be wondering: “Isn’t this just creating a new form of craving?” This is where the Buddha’s teachings beautifully align.

The practice isn’t to cling to the specific outcome nor the feeling. We didn’t need to teach at that specific community center. We just dwelled in the identity of being teachers and left the specifics up to the universe.

Feel the feeling, but be unattached to the form it takes. The feeling itself is also a tool. Use it, and let it go when it no longer serves you. This is the path of true freedom — shaping your reality without being enslaved by your desires.

The more you practice dwelling in this state, the more natural it feels. And the more natural it feels, the faster your outside reality will catch up, often in ways more creative and wonderful than you could have planned.

If this resonated with you and you’re tired of the hustle, we invite you to join our free Shift Your Identity (SYI) community. It’s a space where we explore these concepts daily, share wins, and support each other in moving from struggle to flow. For those ready to go deeper, our Premium membership includes our Power of Awareness course and, most importantly, weekly live “I AM” calls where we practice getting into and abiding in the “state of the wish fulfilled” together.

Your new identity is waiting for you to claim it.

Remove These Two Blocks and Become a Money Magnet

How a simple grocery run conversation revealed why we were repelling abundance (and the identity shift that changed everything).

Photo by Greg Willson on Unsplash

First published on Medium

It was just a drive to pick up our grocery order.

The radio was off. The hum of the road was the only sound, until one of us started talking about love.

“You know,” one of us said, “when you’re desperately looking for love, you often don’t find it. Or you make compromises. But when you stop looking, when you’re just ready and open… that’s when you find your person.”

A pause. Then the spark.

“That’s how money works.”

The words hung in the air between us, Cristof and Sophia. It was one of those moments where a truth you’ve been circling for years suddenly lands, clear and simple.

You have to be ready for money, and the money has to be ready for you.

Stop chasing money. Let money chase you.

It sounds beautiful, almost too simple. But as we talked, we realized we’d spent years building invisible walls that repelled the very abundance we wanted. We were the ones who weren’t “ready.” And we discovered we weren’t alone.

The Two Biggest Blocks That Keep Money from Finding You

For this “letting money chase you” idea to work, you have to be open to receiving. We found two major ways we were slamming the door shut.

Block #1: The Comparison Trap (Cristof’s Story)

For the longest time, my reaction to other people’s success was a gut punch of self-doubt. I’d see a fellow writer hit the Staff Picks, or a solopreneur launch a successful course, and my mind would immediately spiral: Why them and not me? What’s wrong with me? Why am I not there yet?

This wasn’t just jealousy; it was a form of energetic repulsion. By focusing on my lack, I was broadcasting a signal of scarcity. I was essentially telling the universe, “See? I don’t have what it takes. Those people are the lucky ones.” I was so busy measuring my chapter 1 against someone else’s chapter 20 that I’d become completely un-coachable, closed off to the very inspiration and strategies that could have moved me forward.

Block #2: The Imposter Syndrome Freeze (Sophia’s Story)

My block was more internal, but just as damaging. It was the voice that whispered, “Who are you to talk about this? Your own life isn’t perfectly ‘fixed’ yet. You’re not a certified expert.”

This hesitation showed up as not taking inspired action. I’d get a nudge to write an article, reach out for a collaboration, or create a new offering, and the imposter syndrome would freeze me. “I’m not ready,” I’d tell myself. This wasn’t humility; it was a cleverly disguised form of self-sabotage. By refusing to put myself out there, I was ensuring I’d never become the person I wanted to be. I was repelling opportunity by refusing to open the door.

The Shift: How We Finally Opened the Door

Realizing the blocks was one thing. Dismantling them was another. It didn’t happen overnight, but through a conscious practice of identity work.

For me, Cristof, the breakthrough came from a concept we now live by:

imagine what the person who already has what you want feels like, and then hold that feeling in your heart.

I’m a beginner in CrossFit. In the past, seeing someone do a handstand walk would have triggered my comparison monster. Now, I consciously step into the identity of a “fit, healthy athlete.” From that place, I don’t feel jealousy; I feel pure awe and inspiration. I see a roadmap, not a reminder of my failure. I became coachable, embracing Ray Dalio’s principle of radical open-mindedness that I had read in his book Principles (Affiliate Link). The person I am becoming is eager to learn from those ahead of him, because he knows their success doesn’t diminish his own — it lights the path.

For me, Sophia, the shift was deciding to

be a contributor, not a guru.

In 2023, I started a YouTube channel despite feeling completely unqualified. The pivotal moment was a piece of advice from my money mindset mentor, Denise Duffield-Thomas, author of Chill and Prosper (Affiliate Link), that I paraphrase like so: “You don’t have to be the ultimate expert. You just have to be a contributor to the conversation.”

That freed me. A five-year-old can contribute a beautiful, naive drawing to the world of art. A 105-year-old can contribute a lifetime of wisdom. I realized that in the doing, I would become. By creating the content, I was embodying the teacher. I was stepping into the identity of “someone who shares valuable insights,” and through that action, I was becoming her.

Your Practical Takeaway: The “Magnet Mindset” Question

So, how do you start removing these blocks today? It starts with one simple, powerful question. Whenever you feel stuck, hesitant, or compare yourself, ask:

“What would the version of me who is already a money magnet do right now?”

• Would that version of you scroll mindlessly, or would they write 500 words?

• Would they gossip about a competitor’s success, or would they send a congratulatory message?

• Would they hide their work because it’s not “perfect,” or would they hit “publish”?

This question bypasses the faulty logic of your current circumstances and pulls you into the energy of your future self. This is the energy that money — like a happy dog — recognizes and runs toward.

And remember the most liberating idea from our car conversation, inspired by the book Dollars Want Me (Affiliate Link):

Dollars want you.

Money is not a scarce resource to be hoarded. It’s a form of energy that wants to circulate. It is drawn to people who will use it for good, for creation, for benefit to their families and communities. When you align your identity with that benevolent, creative force, you stop being a desperate chaser and start being a joyful receiver. You become a magnet.

Your journey to becoming a money magnet starts with a single decision who you want to become.

Before You Go…

If this resonated with you, you’re our kind of person. We explore these kinds of mind-shifts and practical identity upgrades every week in our Simple and Aligned Newsletter. Click here to get our weekly insights delivered directly to your inbox. Let’s become the people our future selves are already proud of.

— Sophia & Cristof

Your Brain Is Angry. It’s Time to Feed It a Cookie.

How a bizarre lesson from Rainn Wilson and Gandhi is saving my creative soul.

Photo by Vyshnavi Bisani on Unsplash

You know the feeling.

You’re cruising along, your mind buzzing with a new article idea or a solution to a client’s problem. You’re happy. The creative flow is humming.

Then, it happens. Someone cuts you off in traffic, their middle finger a stark punctuation to their anger. Or, an email pings in — a terse, unkind message from a collaborator or client.

In a flash, the flow is gone. Replaced by a hot, sharp anger.

This was my (Cristof) default state. My internal monologue would kick in, a cocktail of self-righteous judgment and cynical ridicule: “I’m such a good driver. I went at the speed limit. What a jerk. And for what? We’re both just going to end up at the same red light anyway.”

It felt justified. It felt normal. But I never stopped to calculate the real cost.

That anger wasn’t just a passing emotion. It was a toxin. It would seep into my body, making my knees tense, my shoulders tight, and my stomach churn. With a sick body and a mind buzzing with negativity, I couldn’t create. I couldn’t write. I’d try to sit down at my desk, but the words wouldn’t come. If I had to produce work, it was subpar, forced, and misaligned. The entire cycle would then spiral into frustration and self-doubt.

It was costing me my peace, my productivity, and my power.

The turning point came from an unexpected place: Rainn Wilson’s book, Soul Boom (affiliate link). In it, he writes:

“We all know someone who is rude, selfish, unkind, toxic. We do our best to avoid people like this. But what if we tried instead to consciously find one good quality about that person? For instance, what if they are a total jerk in every way but have great hygiene and always smell like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? When I’m able to consciously focus on the good quality of a person, not only is my day better but my relationship with that person improves. And eventually, other good qualities are revealed to me that I might not have taken the time to see previously.

In other words, focus on the cookies. and don’t focus on the negative.”

He then quotes Gandhi, one of the grand masters of humility:

“I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.”

“Focus on the cookies.” The phrase stopped me. It was so simple, so visual, so… absurd. But it pointed to a profound truth I had been missing.

For all my life, I thought the solution was to simply stop being angry. To suppress it. To let it go. But you can’t reliably power down a reaction with willpower alone. The real shift, I discovered, isn’t about managing your reactions.

It’s about shifting your identity.

The Person Who Finds the Cookies

I realized that “focusing on the cookies” wasn’t a behavior hack. It was an identity. I had to stop trying to be less angry and start becoming the kind of person who, by their very nature, doesn’t get derailed by external circumstances.

I asked myself: Who would I have to become for a rude driver or a difficult email to not be an issue at all?

The answer painted a clear picture. This version of me is:

1. Self-Reflecting: They look inward before casting outward judgment.

2. Unaffected by Circumstances: They don’t take their emotional cues from other people’s bad behavior.

3. Compassionate: They operate from a default assumption of goodness, or at the very least, a default assumption that everyone is fighting a hard battle.

This is the core of manifestation and identity shifting. You don’t wait until you feel like that person to act. You act as if you are that person, and the feelings follow.

When the world gets loud, this identity whispers:

“I am not taking my cues from current circumstances. These circumstances are only the result of my past mind states. My current mind state produces my future circumstances. And I’m not letting anybody decide over my mind states. Every thought counts. Every thought matters.”

Your 30-Second Identity Shift Drill

This isn’t just philosophy. It’s a practical drill you can use the very next time you’re triggered. It takes less than 30 seconds and has two simple steps.

The moment you feel that hot surge of judgmental anger, pause. Take one breath, and repeat this twofold mantra to yourself:

1. Step One: Detach. Say: “I do not take cues from my circumstances.”
   This is the emergency brake. It stops the mental train from hurtling down the familiar track of rage and ridicule. It reclaims your sovereignty.

2. Step Two: Shift. Ask: “Who do I have to become for whom this wouldn’t be an issue at all?”
   This is the rocket fuel. It instantly moves you from a state of reaction to a state of creation. You are no longer a victim of the event; you are the conscious architect of your response. You are putting on the cloak of your highest self.

Then, and only then, look for the cookie. Maybe it’s the fact their car is impeccably clean. (And only decent people keep their cars clean, right?) Maybe it’s Sophia’s wonderful method of assuming their loved one is giving birth and they need to rush to the hospital. (Since we’re the ones dictating our mental narrative, we might as well make it a good one.)

The “cookie” is the proof that your identity shift is working.

The Ripple Effect on Your Creative Life

When you become the person who finds the cookies, you aren’t just being nice. You are engaging in the most strategic act of self-preservation a creator, solopreneur, freelancer, or really anyone can do.

You are protecting your most valuable asset: your aligned, creative energy. You are ensuring that a single moment of external chaos doesn’t derail your entire day’s work. You are, quite literally, building the future you want by consciously choosing the mind state that will create it.

Every thought counts. Every thought matters. So choose to find the cookie. Your peace, your power, and your next breakthrough depend on it.

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